It always annoys me when there are unreleased videos, or videos that are not released in the States by a group. Why are they hiding them? Well, it's usually for a good reason. But *N The Mix is kind enough to present us with the never released video for "Here We Go." Gee, I wonder why this thing was never released. God, Lou, you think you could shell out just a bit of money for your boybands to record videos?
This was the video Justin was dying to make, I'm sure. Show off his "game." He probably begged and pleaded with Lou and said he would be his "special boy" for a week if they could do a video with basketball in it. "And some hot cheerleaders," he added.
Anyway, we open with the nerd squad huddling up in warmups, doing an ubercheesy hand pile-up. I want them to shout "All for one and one for all." and then clank swords. Yuck. Chris has on JC's goggles. Do they all just share the same pair? And what is the deal with random winter wear popping up places? Same with sports motifs. It's like BSB's Fox racing gear. I just didn't get it.
The bust out onto the basketball court, past the screaming fans and the cheerleaders. I wonder how they gathered up all these people, for this little unknown group.
The cheerleaders have rediculously large pom-poms, and I'm pissed. Plus, they're white suckers. Ugh.
Lance is the first on the floor. He looks rediculously excited. "Yeah! I get to make an idiot of myself! Hooray!" I bet he hated making this video. Justin attacks the camera angrily before he darts out to the bench.
Cut to random bad dancing at centercourt, while still in the warm-ups. The look like they were green screened in. It's odd.
There's a shot of Lance leaning on JC's shoulder while they talk to Joey. OH GOD! They're so boyfriendly. I can't stand it.
They take off their warmups. I have to stop the video, I'm laughing so hard. FUCK! Who told them to get uniforms like that? They're the most awful things i've ever seen. Their numbers range from 1-5. JC is 5, Justin's 4, Joey's 2, and I think Lance is 3 and Chris is 1. Great. They're "Team NSYNC."
They should be "Team Loser."
Whatever.
Joey is, by far, the worst in his. He looks all scrawny and the jersey is tucked way too far into his shorts. Bad. Bad!
Cut back to the worst dance sequence ever. Thank GOD they changed this up a little bit before they went on tour. Jesus. It's all slow and stupid looking and stuff. They look good when they dance fast. But when the beat is fast, but not fast enough? The look rediculous.
Okay, they look redic any time, but this is just...terrible.
Lance is already drinking from his waterbottle. Is he worried about dehydration? Because we all know that he's going to be just playing his ass off. I bet it's vodka.
JC sings the "Here We Go" part.
CREATIVITY ON A BUDGET ALERT!
There are three posters in the crowd that go up with the words.
"Here" "We" "Go"
Fabulous. Props to the director. Jesus.
Sarcasm off.
God, the cheerleaders are terrible. I want to hit them all.
Now JC and Justin are dancing in front of a cutout basketball light thing. Great. Nice work, props department. CheapASS. Now in their videos they'd be dancing like...inside the basketball. While dressed as marionettes. And they'd be playing against the Harlem Globe Trotters. No. The LA Lakers. They've got enough money. They could buy them for a day. I bet Kobe wouldn't show. He's from Philly. He's got respect for himself. I think.
It's Caesar!JC. Okay. The haircut worked for everyone else who had it. George Clooney pulled it off like no other. But JC, you just look unbelievably gay.
Justin looks hot. He's in, of course, blue. I wonder what his closet looked like back then. You open it up and it's just a blur of blue. You'd probably be blinded.
We go back to some action basketball shots - Justin breaks through the pack, goes in...he shoots, he scores. A nice layup from the Tennman. I wonder if they went back and reshot things where Justin missed shots, or they really just let them play and kept in the good stuff.
He celebrates. And makes a face that looks a lot like the weird devil face Reese makes in Cruel Intentions. Nasty little bitch. Our team would have hated him. I bet he has a stupid little foul line ritual. He probably smacks his ass a few times, then dribbles the ball for exactly 5 times, then sticks out his tongue, swivels his hips, and shoots. Swish! Fucker. You can tell he's 15.
AHHH! Now they're all dancing in front of the bad basketball cutout. Jesus. This is the worst routine ever. WTF is Chris wearing? It's like some...weird colorful vest thing. He looks likea maitre'd on crack. Or Big Gay Al. I'm scared. JC looks half cute...he's in a white tech vest. He always looks cute in winter wear.
Moving on.
Back to the action shots - every single one is of Justin shooting. Yeah, yeah, you're the only one with skills kid. Whatever.
They're dancing again. It NEEDS to STOP! They do a weird arm movement and look like flapping chickens. Who choreographed this?! Joey has on a Superman hat. AHAHAHHA! Funny.
Someone (Justin, I'm sure) sinks a nice shot and the rest of the loser bunch celebrates from the bench. Lance is all over JC as they jump around, and they rush out to the floor. Lance's hand lingers on JC's chest just a bit too long.
Hmmmmm....
Back to basketball room. JC does a toe-touch. Were he and Joey both cheerleaders in a past life? I mean, really, they're always doing odd stuff together. I think they must have been really bored over in Europe.
Chris attacks the camera with a basketball. I wonder if they had to deflate the ball so he could palm it. Joey does JC's super-duper jump. I bet they practice that on the tramp all the time.
Now they're doing the dance routine in the basketball uniforms. JC's socks are very high. I have to turn off the tape again and laugh.
Back to action shots. Now it's....wait for it...
LANCE. He's surrounded by the other team, and they're all fighting for the ball. This is his dream. I bet he came to the director and was like "I want all the men around me! All of them! And they should all reach for me hungrily and I'll be all coy and manly in my uniform!"
He...wait for it again.
Hides the ball under his jersey. "Come and get it, boys!"
Jesus fuck.
Joey macks it with a cheerleader, and gets hit in the head with a basketball. Okay. That's a little funny. But the cheerleading uniforms are nasty. They're wearing half SWEATERS. Bad. Bad. Bad. They're got a star in the middle. I assume it's for the "*" in NSYNC. Whatever.
JC does a very unsexy move for "We've got the skills". I'm disturbed. This is before he learned he could be sexy when he wanted to be, I assume. He's come so far, so far...
Joey's still lurching around while the cheerleaders giggle. Why couldn't they have just knocked him out and put this video out of its misery? Now I realize why it was never released.
There's more random action shots, and it's not all Justy anymore. JC puts up a nice jumper, and Chris goes plowing down the line. I'm reminded of Mugsy Bogues. Joey actually gets some airtime, and I'm frightened. There had to be a tramp under the basket. Either that or they lowered it. I'm convinced that the basket is Fisher Price now.
I wonder if Justin is pissed because Joe got to dunk.
Once again, they dance. Now they're hopping around aimlessly. Did Lance choreograph this?
Oh, Justin can't be mad. He dunks too, and tries to look all scary as he hangs from the rim. Whatever little man. You're not MJ. At least I think it's Justin who dunks. It could be Lance.
AHAH! Yeah right.
I hope it's Justin. The director woudn't be that dumb.
Someone (Joe?) trips, and then hunches over. And suddenly....it's SUPERCHRIS! He uses Joey's back as a springboard, and he's dunking too. I bet they all had a fight until the director was like "GOD DAMMIT! You all can dunk! Except for you, Bass. You just stay here and keep me company. *wink wink*"
Chris looks downright frightened out of his mind as he hangs up there. They forgot to lower the basket for him. Poor kid.
Justin misses a 3 pointer, which just glances off the basket. Nice job, kid. So you just have semi-skills, I see. I bet he was all pissed off they included that. Now the NJ Nets will NEVER call him.
The scene switches for the breakdown, and JC's somewhere with all these lights behind him. He looks....oh damn. Really cute. Where the hell are they?
Back to the action, where Chris is at the foul line. It's a tense moment. Will the midget come through for the Nerd Squad? He pauses. Shoots...and....he scores! Blah blah. He makes a cocky face. Sorry for doubting you, basketball god. This is what happens when you play with Justin too much.
The crowd rejoices. They've won. Someone hoists Justin up on their shoulders. Oh sure, HE'S the hero, right?
The weird new location turns out to be a celebration party, complete with chinese lanterns. Aha. That's our cue to tell us that it's a party, and not like...an orgy or something. Lance is wearing a red leather jacket with a baby blue shirt. It's a glaringly awful fashion mistake. I'm disturbed. Lance, you're supposed to have fashion sense. Don't dissappoint me here.
Justin's tongue has been all over this video. Once again, he shows us his tonsils. Kid, we just...don't need to see it. You look disturbing when you do that.
Joey wraps his arm around Lance as they celebrate. What are you doing? That's JC's man! Joey doesn't know the concept of monogamy, I guess, judging from the final shot. We end with Lance on Joey's shoulders, as they all dance around. Why does Lance always get tossed around, picked up, put on people's shoulders? He is SO the bitch of the group.
Celebrating the end of this horrible video? Let's all hope so.