SIGH
JC says they hold to their morals.
HE SAYS AND I QUOTE:
"We won't go out on stage and do anything we can't do in front of our parents."
So… I never want to go to your house, then. I bet all the doorknobs are wet with saliva and there are random worn bits on the couches where you people get your hump on.
GOD. Karen and Roy's House of Pleasure.
They had to grow up a little bit, yadda yadda, learning lessons, but morally, they're pretty much in the same place they've always been.
With three Mercedes and girls throwing themselves at their feet. But, of course, that hasn't changed them one bit.
Chris uses the Justin doll he's holding to kick the Joey doll.
See? They hate Joe. That was a reenactment, I'm sure. Justin kicked Joey last night because he found him sleeping in Chris' bunk.
Nikki asks something. The guys aren't paying attention. Tony recaps. What's it like on the road?
Lance says they were born to perform.
……
I know. Next question. Lauren gushes. "Hi, you guys always look so good. Do you get to pick your clothes yourself?"
JC says that what he's wearing came straight out of his suitcase and it was pretty wrinkled until he steamed it in the shower.
What a nerd. At least he didn't say he ironed it himself or something.
I would peg JC for a guy who buys that crap off the shopping channel. I would really have thought he had one of those travelling steam iron things. Like they're "It'll save you thousands on dry cleaning bills!" and he's picking up the phone, right then.
Justin says that they take turns dressing each other and today they dressed Lance. Lance stands up and models. Justin says "Since he's so hot, we had to throw a little ice on him to cool it down". He's referring to the nice little sparkly 'diamonds' that run down the sides of Lance's jeans. Yeah- God forbid Lance dresses in an outfit that doesn't shine.
Amusing. Quite amusing. That's what Justin must do to himself every time he leaves the bus or his hotel room.
You know, you're right. I see him checking himself out, fluffing the fro, craning his neck to see if his ass is as hot as it was last night. "Dayum, JRT, youse too hot fo' yo own good, bro. Bettah throw some ice on yo bad self so as not ta cause a meltdown among the female pop-u-la-shun."
Jen wants to know if they ever get sick of singing the same songs. Justin and JC say they spent the night before figuring out how many times they've performed certain songs. It almost gets interesting because Justin starts to sound a little pissy, but then he goes off and waffles about how people want to see the hits, blah, blah.
Alyssa wants to know who was their biggest influence was.
Lance: my parents. "They kind of rub off on you."
JC says: "Everyone's gonna say that.
I hate this question. I think he does too. He's right. They always say the same damn thing.
My parents were my biggest influence. My mom influenced me to become hard-working and determined like her, while my dad helped me to be easy going."
He's easy going? Fuck. I'd hate to see someone he considers uptight. Oh, wait- that'll never happen, they're all in institutions, hidden from the prying eyes of the general public.
Chris: Nancy Kerrigan.
Joey: Willy Wonka. He mentions Steve. "My brother's always with me." Chris says, sharply, "Always."
Chris is just pissed because with Steve around he can't get some FATone lovin'.
Justin reads out an email question. JC leans over and reads along. Because God knows Justin needs sum help wit his letters.
The question is: what do they do after the show?
Lance mentions that Chris plays video games and says that he himself is pretty easy-going. Sometimes he'll go out, or he'll sleep. JC hastens to mention that ninety percent of the time, they're on the bus travelling. That's right, Chasez. You wouldn't want anyone to think that you have a life or anything.
So what does that have to do with anything? Jesus, JC.
Lance says he can hear Joey's dog barking through the walls as he sleeps. Chris says that's not his dog.
slkdfjasldjflasdjfljsadfs AHHAHAHAH! So I guess Joey did bring that stupid dog. GOD! Men aren't supposed to have pets like that. How annoying.
How gay, too.
Justin says he goes to find Joe and get in trouble with him.
With a blonde named Kandy.
No, no! You forget that Justin is saving himself for marriage, my friend.
Chris taste-tests Ben and Jerry's ice cream
Joe goes out. Yeah, we've never heard that SW story before.
JC gets a pet question. It's a boring question. I find this strangely fitting.
Lance The Grammar Guys says: "Me and Joey's bus is called Noah's Ark. We've got a dog and two chinchillas on there."
Chinchillas? Dude. They have to take like...dust baths and stuff. FUCK. Their bus must be an absolute disaster area.
Lance and JC have a brief exchange about the chinchillas. JC, it seems, didn't know about the nasty little rodents. Or at least not all about them. I am amused by this. Perhaps WD's theory of the 3-2 NSYNC split is correct.
Chris: "I don't know, but JC carries around a blanket like Linus."
AHAHAHAAH! I can see the resemblance. I really can.
They bring up the webmaster of nsyncworldwide.com, they thought it was one of the coolest sites around. That's just 'cause they've never been here. No, really.
The poor girl has to talk about her site. She actually does pretty well. Poor kid. I'm hoping she doesn't flip out. Don't flip, Vicky, don't flip.
God. These times are the worst. Replacement shame all over the place.
Vicky names the other webmasters. She seems to be slowing down a little. She's a little… she does the Spock sign. They laugh.
Um. Nerdy?
!!!! I could almost picture JC doing it back. Fuck.
I wonder if they watch Trek. In another universe I'm sure there's a JC who goes to conventions, dressed as Worf.
Vicky's doing her best, but her voice is shaking. I HATE seeing fans. I want to give them Valium. She asks Lance about FreeLance. He natters. Yawn. Vicki isn't looking at him. You can see the anxiety coming off of her in waves. She's making me nervous.
Vicky. God. I just...I wish I could have said to her "Girl, just...don't do it. You'll look like a moron."
I want to hit Lance right now. Fucker. He's looking around randomly. At least look the girl in the eye. Oh, wait. She's not looking at him, anyway.
Joey has FatFree productions.
HE DOES?
He probably spells it PHATFree or something. I hate him. He takes OUR cool nickname and then tries to make it less degrading and calls himself PHATone.
He talks about an acting book.
Yawn.
WHATEVER.
Get to the dirt, Vickster.
FumanSkeeto.
I can't take this anymore. Motherfuck. Pimp on your own time, boys.
Can this feed end now? I'm bored.
More callers. Thank God.
Now JC is randomly looking off camera.
He and Lance are sharing whoever is off camera.
Dude. What if it's Steve? It would make perfect sense.
Lance is doing some serious lounging.
They talk about how they came up with the ideas for their stage. Joey says they drew it on a napkin. Pyro, moving parts, lasers, WHATEVER.
So I wanna know. What inspires these people in planes or restaurants or whatver? Last time I flew, I just felt off balance.
That's because you're a girl and you don't have stewardess fantasies.
Justin says the show adds a 3D effect to their music. What?
Sure. Like THE BIG SCREEN flashing corny graphics like "FRIDAY NIGHT" and giant dollar bills with George Washington wearing sunglasses? Uh huh. 3-D. Sure.
JC went through each song and tired to visualize it. And created gags around the feel of each song. Each song has some sort of illusion or gag or whatever.
Chris says it's a very interactive show.
Gags. Interactive? INTERACTIVE? Because what? We get to vote for TNL and Pickachu? Sure. Whatever. Fuckers.
Vicki's gets to ask another question. Her JC question is about him writing and producing. "I wrote some stuff while we were on the road. I just wrote it as a creative outlet for myself."
But he didn't expect the guys to let him stick his shit on the album. I'm so scared. He's so… poet-y. Fuck.
Sarah wants to know what they'd do if they weren't singing and recording. Lance would still be in school, trying to figure out what he wanted to do. JC's been in the biz since he was like twelve, so he can't really imagine, but he'd have to be doing something creative.
That makes me sick.
(Math time. JC's been in the business since he was twelve? Okay now- he got into NSYNC when he was nineteen. He was on MMC for four years. We'll give him a year's probation after that. So if MMC folded when he was eighteen, it started when he was fourteen, which leaves us a two-year-gap, doesn't it now? Yes, it does. I want to know what he was doing between twelve and fourteen. And I also want to know if all of them are from scary Jon-Benet type families. Fuck. I can not relate. I don't know people like this, who send their kids out to perform at twelve. Or, in Justin's case, at a much younger age. Back to Justin and his dreams of bball scholarships.) Justin can't imagine himself doing something else either. Finishing up school, trying to get a bball scholarship.
"You got game?" Tony asks.
"Yeah, I'm really good," Justin replies. Little punk.
Fuck.
Chris would be an air-conditioning technician. He's really interested in Freon. He drinks Freon.
I get the feeling if I'd seen this, I'd be in Chris overkill right now. But in print, it's funny.
It was funny in motion, too. It's just like Chris makes so many jokes people can only pick up on a third of them and they let the rest slide, and that annoys him or something.
Joe says he would still be at Universal, saving money to go to college. They mock him. He insists it's the truth. Poor guy.
I bet he's the smartest out of the whole bunch. I bet he's like...been told that he's dumb a lot...so he's the kind of person that would stil down and study for hours, just to show people that he's not.
Or else he just thought "Fuck it, so I'm dumb, I'm going to a strip club. You don't need no smarts to get a lapdance."
Someone from Malaysia calls in and wants to know where their inspiration comes from. Justin says: "hey, this is us, no strings attached, that's it."
Then there's this part where Tony says something about the Nth degree and Chris wants to know what the Nth degree is, exactly. Tony can't tell if he's joking. Scarily, neither can I. Tony explains the concept. Chris says: "Thanks, man." Like he actually wanted to know. I'm scared. He was… joking, right? Right? Dude?
On to the next question. Diana wants to know if they wear boxers or briefs?
Chris says, somewhat bitterly, "That's the question that makes the world go round".
Either Chris or JC says "I'm not particular. Really. I'm not." Does anyone still wear briefs? Nasty. And I don't understand how you can not be particular. It's not like me switching randomly between thongs and normal underwear depending on how bad it would be to have a panty line in a given outfit. Men have… stuff that… hangs. If you're wearing briefs, it's… contained. If you're wearing boxers, it's… not. So… I don't see it. Unless there's nothing to… hang.
EW.
Shutting up now. Ew. Ew. Double ew.
The next question is: If you had 48 hours to be an average Joe, what would you do? Lance would go to the beach. Chris would go to the Y.
Because young man, there's a place you can go.
They can't go anywhere, they say. JC says he goes to Walmart at three in the morning to do his shopping. I giggle. WD's gonna be pissed that he's moving in on her territory.
Fuck. He's not allowed to DO that. Stay off my turf, Casez. But I guess the sad thing is we go there because we're bored. JC goes there because he has to. Okay. Fine. Now I'll just shut up.
Tony asks them to sing a little something. Vicki wants them to sing her Happy Birthday. Geez! At least ask them to do the Bee Gees Medley.
Fuck. I don't like Vicki.
Neither do I. She tried and failed to play it cool and my replacement shame was worse than what you'd get from a rabid teenie. And I can't believe she wastes her request on Happy fucking Birthday.
So they sing HB. Okay. I have to admit it. They can sing. Fuckers. But I wanted Stayin' Alive.
I'm partial to "How Deep Is Your Love"
Yes, BUT. Lance does the intro and I'm scared.
Don't you love how they've changed the "Happy Birthday Dear Vicki" part into "Happy Birthday from NSYNC", cleverly avoiding ever having to actually remember anyone's name and turning it into a ten-second commercial for themselves in one fell swoop? They're such smart boys.
Tony pimps out merchandise. He gives some to Vicki. He imitates Joey while holding his puppet. He does a damn good job. (Hi, I'm Joey FatONE, I'm from Brooklyn…) Tony says goodbye. They wave.
Lance doesn't. He's still looking off-camera. Geez, Lance. You can look at your boyf later. Eyes front now! They all shake hands with Tony. They seem to be ignoring Vicki. She's just kind of standing there.
Fuck.
Yep. She looks very uncomfortable. Lance and Justin disappear. JC and Chris and Joe stand around some more. Vicki moves off. JC randomly stands around and talks to Tony. Lance some back and gives JC water.
Hee he hee. Lance is the bitch.
Joe comes back. Vicki is hanging out on the edges. Now they all go way. Wait. JC keeps coming back. What is his PROBLEM? Okay. Over.
Assorted randomness:
My God, these boys fidget. I want to smack them. SIT FUCKING STILL FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS.
ADD. All of them.
JC waxing lyrical about the Internet and what it's done for them. I'm amused by how he keeps mentioning the financial side. God, he's cheap. Josh? You're a millionaire. You can afford to call Seattle. Really, you can.
Joey gets picked on. I feel for him. Put the smackdown, Joe. You're a big guy. You can take 'em.
Chris is caustic. I love his midget self. I also like the way he pronounces his rs. I don't know.
!! I noticed that too. It's a central PA thing.
Lance is bored.
JC needs to shut up.
Justin is amusing.
That is all.
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