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Razor,
Needle Sales Down Despite Halloween
Major razor manufacturer Gillette
and pin and needle maker PrickCo have shown slumping sales, even though
Halloween is only days away. Late October usually sees a surge in
sales of razors, needles, and other sharp objects.
"We have had disappointing
sales, to say the least," said PrickCo president Nell Wilhoit. "I
guess people who used to place needles and things in the candy they give
out to kids got bored of it."
Gillette points to
the declining number of children who go trick-or-treating as the root of
the problem.
"We don’t know for
sure why kids aren’t going out for candy," said a spokesman, "but we think
it may be out of fear of getting tampered candy—obviously that’s
not going to be much of a problem this year."
Other theories about
the lack of trick-or-treaters include that children fear being shot or
kids are too busy with pagan rituals. Also, some believe that a contributing
factor in the poor sales of sharp objects is the fact that more and more
armed children go out for candy.
"Yeah, I used to stick
all kinds of shit in the candy I gave out," said Herb Zettl of Atlanta.
"I’d put in blades, the needles of used syringes, elephant tranquilizer,
whatever. But nowadays you can’t trust those little guys.
You turn your back and you may get shot or stabbed. What’s the world
coming to, you know?"
"It doesn’t matter
what the reasons are," said Wilhoit. "We just need to get kids and
psychotics to partake in the timeless traditions of Halloween, for the
good of our ancestry."
Gillette responded
to the lack of sales by launching an $50 million emergency advertising
campaign urging children to go trick-or-treat Tuesday night. Some
have criticized the ads as being "subliminal" and targeted at people who
get fixes from implanting razors into candy bars. Gillette denies
all accusations.
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