Government Begins Distribution of New Disease
WASHINGTON, D.C.- The United States has announced that it has finally begun introducing the long-awaited successor to AIDS into the bloodstreams of non-whites nationwide.  Nearly 70 years after its creation, AIDS has been officially declared a failure in its mission to rid America and the rest of the world of "pesky minorities."  AIDS was created in Virginia laboratories in the mid-1930s, but didn't become widespread until the 80s.
   "We have been very disappointed with the results AIDS has brought us," said Henry Bush, who worked on the replacement for AIDS.  "It was originally designed to affect only European immigrants, but it never really took off.  So developers went back to the drawing board in the '70s and created HIV, which would cause AIDS and attack only blacks, Hispanics, and Russians.  But it mutated and began killing everybody, including whites!  What a slip-up!  I  hope someone got fired for that."
   The latest disease, tentatively named RAIDS (what the acronyms stands for will be thought up later), obstructs the exchange of oxygen in the human minority body- forcing the heart and lungs to work themselves to imminent exhaustion.  Indescribable pain generated by hemorrhaging throughout the chest and abdominal cavities is a prelude to death.  RAIDS is transmitted through the air, allowing for more coverage faster.
   "This is great," said Pat Buchanan.  "Now celibate minorities will be killed, unlike with that sham of an ethnic cleanser, AIDS.  Psshaw."
   RAIDS has been developed to avoid whites and attack all other races.  People who are part-white may experience some symptoms, like fatigue and delusions, but not necessarily death.  Designers are optimistic about the future of the disease.
   "We expect the world to be removed of all non-whites by early 2001," said Bush.  "Then we (whites) can take over all the empty countries and use up all the resources.  Can you imagine using the deserts of Africa and Asia for our dune buggies, without worrying about decapitation by crazy A-rabs?  I can't wait!"