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| The Rail Poll #10 |
| Who is the greatest racing horse of all time? |
| 1. Wet Jesus (46.2%)
2. Beating Administered (15.4%) 2. Dramamine (15.4%) 4. Crime Scene (7.7%) 4. Defenestrated (7.7%) 4. Lost Sausage (7.7.%) 7. Cuckoldom (0%) 7. Egregious Error (0%) 7. Elmer's Angel (0%) 7. Unintended Havoc (0%) |
| The Rail Poll #9 |
| What was the best film shown at the 2002 Sundance Film Festival? |
| 1. Lance Divine and the Androgeny Bus (21.4%)
1. Tristes Les Enfantes (21.4%) 3. Bloated Ed (14.3%) 3. The Eighth Lair (14.3%) 3. Personality Bandits (14.3%) 6. Outrage? (7.1%) 6. Surf Mountain (7.1%) 8. The Boy (0%) 8. The Pain Beneath it All (0%) 8. Wind Whips Over Desert Sands (0%) |
| The Rail Poll #8 |
| In
times of war, many questions are raised. Time and time again one question
stands above all others: What is the funniest racial slur?
Because Freepolls removed its old polls (and thus the results thereof), I have replaced the unknown rankings with my own preferences. |
| 1. Yard Ape
2. Dusty Nuts 3. Nuprin 4. Press Start 5. Beaner 6. Chug 7. Beanie 8. Sheep Shagger 9. Cock Sauce 10. Goombah |
| The Rail Poll #7 |
| The 53rd Annual Emmys, scheduled for October 7th, will feature some new awards. Which one do you look forward to seeing the most? |
| 1. Best use of Jennifer Aniston's braless breasts
(42%)
2. Best dog biting off some guy's balls (19%) 3. Best degradation of a queer in a leading role (14%) 4. Best formerly talented movie actor demoted to TV (9%) 5. Best censorship (4%) 5. Best PBS docu--just kidding--no one watches PBS (4%) 5. Best thong in a Spanish TV series (4%) 8. Best getting stuck in an elevator episode (0%) 8. Best job of pretending TV is a valid artistic medium (0%) 8. Best reused joke on a late night talk show (0%) |
| The Rail Poll #6 |
| There's a mixed reaction to President Bush's energy plan. Which message would best help him gain support? |
| 1.
Fuck
Newton, we'll create all the energy we want. (33%)
2. The Democrats want to infringe on your inalienable right to drive a coal-powered bus. (14%) 2. Oil good. (14%) 4. Solar? The sun's gone half the time, braniac. (9%) 4. Sweaters are for pussies. (9%) 6. Earth can handle emissions--it survived the dinosaurs, and they were huge. (4%) 6. If Exxon Mobil's profits don't increase, the price of slimjims will rise drastically. (4%) 6. If God didn't want us to use the resources, he wouldn't have made slaughtering snow leopards so much fun. (4%) 6. Nader? More like Gayder. (4%) 10. As you sow, so shall you reap? Just gimme oil, professor. (0%) |
| The Rail Poll #5 |
| What will be the most evident effect of the downturn in the American economy? |
| 1. Secret of fire
lost (35%)
2. Sad white people (17%) 3. The demise of dildosformonkeys.com (14%) 4. Nothing if you're already a loser (8%) 4. President Al Gore (8%) 6. A boom in the sidewalk pencil market (5%) 6. Less cans for homeless people to gather (5%) 8. Penny-pinching consumers settle for ossetra caviar (2%) 9. Propane stove sales skyrocket (0%) 10. Rise in number of films about silent mustachioed tramps (0%) |
| The Rail Poll #4 |
| Four years from now, what will the Bush administration be remembered for/as? |
| 1. "That time
we let that funny little kid ruin everything" (30%)
2. Most assassination attempts (27%) 3. Highest brain farts per speech average (11%) 4. Consistent boobery and general goofery (9%) 4. Nothing because of a collective repression of memories (9%) 6. "The administration of 10,000 unnecessary pauses" (4%) 6. The last administration (4%) 8. Worst puppet regime ever (2%) 9. "The Great Emaciator" (0%) 9. "State of the Union" renamed "State of the Secession" (0%) |
| The Rail Poll #3 |
| Which of these celebrities is most likely to toil away in the porn industry before overdosing on barbiturates and/or Pine Sol? |
| 1. Britney Spears
(47%)
2. That "King of Queens" guy (15%) 3. Christina Aguilera (12%) 4. Jessica Simpson (10%) 5. Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (7%) 6. Mandy Moore (5%) 7. Ricky Martin (2%) 8. Sisqo (0%) 8. That "American Pie" kid (0%) 8. Those "South Park" creators (0%) |
| The Rail Poll #2 |
| What is man's greatest achievement? |
| 1. Alyssa Milano
(41%)
2. Road Rage (17%) 3. Killing Indians with smallpox (10%) 4. Ron Popeil's GLH Spray On Hair (8%) 5. Failure of Communism (7%) 6. Harnessing of fire (4%) 6. Moon Landing Hoax (4%) 8. Invention of fire extinguisher (2%) 8. Ron Popeil's Pocket Fisherman (2%) 10. JFK Assassination (1%) |
| The Rail Poll #1 |
| For whom will you vote? |
| 1.
Up yours, buddy (17%)
2. Whoever the candidate for the Monster Raving Loony Party is (16%) 3. I'm holding out in hopes of a totalitarian regime (13%) 3. The Fonz (13%) 5. George W. Bush (12%) 6. I'm too young to vote (8%) 7. Al Gore (7%) 8. Voting's for fags (6%) 9. I can't vote; I'm in prison (5%) 10. I'm too old to vote (0%) |