North Korean President on Bush: “Only Interested in One Thing: Coal”
PYONGYANG, N. KOREA– In a statement released Friday, North Korea's President Kim Jong Il denounced President Bush's diplomatic pressure on his nation and accused America of targeting North Korea because of the country's coal, iron, magnesite, graphite, copper, zinc, and lead mining prospects.  The U.S. claims its diplomatic efforts have come as a response to Kim's refusal to acknowledge the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty in December, but North Korea fears the U.S. is after much more.
   “We know that President Bush is a wealthy man and nothing would make him happier than to gain more wealth,” said Kim in the statement.  “What better way to go about this than taking over our coal mines through diplomacy, then military force?”
   The statement claims that North Korea's aggressive nuclear policy is a defense against American mining interests that may drive the two nations to war.
   “There is more to this than just coal, believe me,” Kim said.  “We have rice and corn.  And Bush would love to get control of our fluorspar resources.”
   President Bush defended himself against the accusations in a press conference Monday.
   “Any action we take on North Korea will be preemptive.  We must remove Kim Jong II from power; we must topple the axis of evil.”
   Criticisms in America similar to those of the Korean president have been common, especially on the left.
   “We all know Bush's background,” said filmmaker Michael Moore.  “Everyone knows about the strings the mining and rice industries hold over the president.”
   Kim concluded his statement: “President Bush is only interested in one thing: coal.”