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Experts
Concerned About Backward Jesus Fishes
Experts on Christianity
have become increasingly alarmed about reversed car Jesus fishes, an accidental
plague threatening the very ideals the fish represent. Thousands
of Americans choose to put the famous fishes on their cars to express their
Christian beliefs, but many fail to attach them in the proper, left-facing
manner.
“This common mistake
is a hazard to us all,” said Rev. Billy Graham, a world-renowned preacher.
“Thousands are inadvertently displaying a symbol of Satanism on their cars.”
The backward, right-pointing
fishes are thought to encourage evil among the owners of the plaques and
those who view them in traffic. Perhaps the most frightening point
is that most of those with backward fishes don't even realize they are
Satanists, nor that they are infecting the country with anti-Christian
symbolism.
“We must get the word
out before it's too late,” said Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa.
“God help us.”
Despite the fact that
Jesus fishes clearly face left in their display boxes, many Americans either
overlook this or simply forget the proper mounting direction. Jesus
fish companies have been making fishes with “Jesus” or “IXOYE” (the Greek
for “ichthus,” an acronym for “Jesus Christ, the Son of God, Savior”) inscribed
on them in an effort to promote left-facing fishes, but the much of the
public still buys the plain, non-explanatory ones.
“The plain fish is
often used as a duplicitous tool of Satan, the Lord of Lies,” said Tutu.
“Our children are viewing these fish and are losing their grip on morality.”
The Jesus fish, originally
taken from pagan mythology, became a popular secret symbol for Christians
in the first century C.E. The orientation of the fish is as old as
the symbol itself, and because of the unavoidable subversion of reversed
symbols, experts urge Christians to replace any backward Jesus fishes immediately,
then attend church and repent.
“These backwards fishes,
and all their inherent evils could destroy a society,” said Graham.
“But fortunately, for now, the number of correctly facing fish outnumbers
the reversed ones significantly.”
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