Bush's Choking Episode Proves He's a Complete Moron, Some Say
WASHINGTON, D.C.— Three days after President Bush fainted from choking on a pretzel in the White House, a poll by the Associated Press (AP) reveals that nearly one percent of the U.S. population believes the incident either proves or adds to the proof that the president is a total moron.
   “There is no doubt about it now,” said Los Angeles resident Steve Hastedt.  “The guy running the country can't even fucking chew.”
   Experts point to the episode as a lesson in properly chewing one's food, while some others see it as a sign of idiocy.
   “We've all heard it: chew properly before you swallow,” said Dr. William Ravich, director of the swallowing center at Johns Hopkins University medical school.  “It's easy to make a dangerous mistake if you chew and swallow too quickly.”
   “Anyone who's 55 and can't figure out how to operate his own jaws deserves to choke to the point of unconsciousness,” said Portland, Oregon native Paul Blakeman.
   A few of those attacking Bush's intelligence and basic motor skills have even gone so far as to question the truthfulness of the choking story.
   “Come on,” said Seattle resident Megan Dyer.  “Did you see the size of that gash on his face?  He said his glasses cut it?  What, were they Drew Carey's?  Something's obviously being covered up.”
   “He probably bashed it on the toilet while vomiting,” said Hastedt.  “Or maybe he was trying to do a reverse lobotomy.  Fucking retard.”