The Rail:  Let’s take a break from the "issues" for a moment and start with a philosophical question.  If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Al Gore:  There are no trees left.

George W. Bush:  Well, smart guy, who the fuck cut down the tree?

TR:  Touché.  Governor Bush, you have been criticized by some because 133 prisoners have been executed during your terms in office.  What is your response to this?

GWB:  I think I speak for the American people when I say we won’t be satisfied until every retard convict in this country is executed.  From sea to shining sea.

TR:  We’ll switch gears again.  Vice President Gore, much has been made of your ever-changing personality.  Any thoughts?

AG:  I’m just one of you guys.  I even smoked a little marijuana in the privacy of my home in college, but not any more.

GWB:  Yeah, well I was an alcoholic… and I did coke.

AG: Well, I’m addicted to heroin.

GWB:  Really?  I sell my body for crack!

AG:  Well… um… I’m Deep Throat!  How you like me now?

TR:  All right, all right gentlemen.  Let’s continue.  Each of you has claimed to want to debate and attacked the other for supposedly not wanting to debate, yet it has taken months for a debate to finally be set up.  What happened?

AG:  This guy’s just afraid of the wrath of Gore.

GWB: I don’t know about that.  I was hoping for sooner debates, but instead I was stuck laying around, watching TV.  Hey did you see that water polo player whose tit popped out? 

TR:  Yeah, moving on… Many people have compared this race to the Kennedy-Nixon race in 1960, but not just because it was very close.  Comments?

AG:  I can’t promise to send a man to the moon in this decade, nor can I promise to have an affair with a manic-depressive junkie.  I can try to increase the nation’s fears of nuclear annihilation by foreign powers, though.

GWB:  Boy, I sure hope my brains don’t get blasted out onto some limousine’s trunk.

TR:  Okay, I’m going to end this.  Thank you for your time gentlemen.

AG:  Peace out, kid.

GWB:  Don’t trust anyone with an IQ under 70.