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Bill
Clinton and Charlton Heston Reveal Homosexual Relationship
In the latest issue of Out! magazine, a publication for homosexuals and
those interested in homosexual paraphernalia, Bill Clinton and arch-rival
Charlton Heston reveal that they are lovers. The news comes as a
shock because Clinton has publicly denounced the National Rifle Association
(NRA), of which Heston is the president, and Heston is currently running
a paid advertisement for the NRA which attacks Clinton.
"Now that I'm coming to the end of my term, I can safely exit the closet,"
said Clinton. "All that bickering was merely a facade- we fooled
you all!"
Apparently all the battles between Clinton's administration and Heston's
NRA have been staged. Associates thought nothing of late night meetings
Clinton and Heston would have in the Oval Office, alone and in the dark.
"I heard moans and groans and stuff behind the door all the time during
their meetings," said Robert Briggs, a former Secret Service agent.
"I just thought they were frustrated at each other's comments or something."
Many speculate that Heston turned to Clinton for compassion. Heston's
love of guns indicates small penis size, according to experts, and he felt
that the only person he could confide in would have to be a man.
Clinton just happened to be that man.
"We fell in love immediately. He told me he'd been hiding his homoerotic
tendencies his whole life," said Heston. "Once we met, he could no
longer control his urge to have foreign objects inserted into his ass by
a leather-clad simian. Luckily I had a costume from Planet
of the Apes laying around."
The infamous Monica Lewinsky scandal was simply a diversion, which allowed
the two to get together more easily and frequently. "Once that thing
ended, it became harder and harder and harder... harder... oh, sorry...
It was difficult for us to meet," said Clinton.
So rather than try to sneak around for the rest of their lives, Bill Clinton
and Charlton Heston have decided announce their union. The issue
of Out! will be available July 20, wherever faggy books are sold.
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