The Punkhouse Interviews: Snorkel Bob

1.What do you think about what your "master" is doing with his record label?

Every day Tim opens mail and gives me bubblepak!!! Num num num.

2.What is your favorite Mutant Pop band?

Arne plays with me me me! I like Arne! I like Zoinks! and Underhand because they play with me me me!!! I do not know the other bands...

3.If you could be a human for one day, what would you do?

I would open the refrigerator by myself!!! Num num num num num!!!

4.Do you like what Tim makes you eat?

Oh, yum yum yum, I like to eat!!! Tim gives me cheese and bread crusts and Ritz crackers and pizza and old stuff from the fridge.And Angie feeds me more! Num num num num!!!

5.What is the worst thing you have ever done?

I ate Ratbag's poop out of her box. Num num num num, I like cat poop! That's not that bad, at least when I don't get caught... Then Angie fed me my regular supper, dog crunchies with chinese food mixed in. Num num num. Then Tim took me for a ride in my truck to get beer. I like to ride. But this time I did not feel good at all. Blech. I don't know what was wrong with Ratbag but her num num nummy poop made me feel kinda....blea! No, it made me feel REALLY blea!!! Tim was in the store buying beer. I felt worse and worse... BGGGRLLRLRLRLPPTHT!!!! I barfed all over the car seat right where he had to sit! I spewed and spewed! It looked like cat poop mixed with chinese food mixed with dog crunchies. It smelled like cat poop. Blech. Tim came out of the store, it was really cold. He opened the door and saw the huge pile of barf. He was not nice...
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! FUCK YOU, BOB!!! FUCK YOU!!!" He yelled that again and again. I felt bad. He kept yelling stuff like that at me. Then he scooped up the barf with a towel and had to sit in some of it. He kept yelling and yelling at me. I still felt all blucky from eating bad cat poop. We were driving home, so I turned to Tim and......BLGGGGGRRRRRRT!!!! I barfed again! I almost barfed on his arm, but he pushed me away.
"YOU STUPID FUCKING DOG!!!!" he screamed at me, "YOU ARE SO FUCKING OUT OF THIS TRUCK!!! FUCK YOU!!! YOU SUCK, BOB!!!!!!!" I still did not feel good. I did not think that eating cat poop was such a good idea. I put my head over the seat and barfed all over the floor... When we got home I went in the front yard and barfed and barfed and barfed. After an hour, Tim came out and wiped my face off with a paper towel and I went in the house and went to sleep.

6.What type of punishment, if any, did you receive for this?

Tim yelled at me a lot! He was not nice! He kept yelling and yelling and yelling. He turned red! He still calls me "barfhound"! That's not nice. But I got back at him by barfing on his floor this morning. Ha ha!!!

7.Does Tim secretly stash away a bunch of the colored vinyl he puts out in his house?

I don't know anything about records. All I know is I get to shred all the bubblepak!!!

8.What do you feel like doing to Tim when he makes you model the new shirts he is trying to sell?

I do not like to wear clothes. I am a dog. I like to eat. Num num num num.

9.What do you hate most about Tim?

He does not feed me five meals a day like I want...

10.What do you like most about Tim?

I like it when he chases me and scares me. He is very big and I have to run fast!!! I also like to ride in my truck. Tim took me for a ride last June and we drove 10,000 miles. He says we are going to do it again this summer!

11.What do you look for in a girl of the opposite dog?

I used to like to hump things but I haven't felt much urge to do that lately... Before I got fixed, my best friend was a dog down the street named Dudley. Tim thinks I'm gay but I'm really bisexual. All boy dogs are bisexual. Anybody that thinks homosexuality is "unnatural" has never owned a boy dog!!! Now I just like to eat though. Num num num num!

12.Do you crap on the carpet?

Only when I get sick. Then I get yelled at and I feel bad... But what can I do?

13.Do you pee on the carpet?

Not since I was a puppy. I used to go in Tim's room and use it for a toilet. But one day he hid behind his door and caught me tinkling and pushed my face in it and yelled and yelled. It was not nice. Now I pee outdoors...

14.What is your favorite snack?

Pizza. Num num num num!!!

15.What do you think about The Queers' Cat?

I do not like cats, but I like cat poop! Num num num num!!!

16.Any comments to all the Snorkel Bob fans out there?

Do not send me cat poop because it will make the mailman mad, but if you want to send me a cookie or two (num num num!!!), wrap them in bubblepak and send them to:

SNORKEL BOB
c/o Mutant Pop Records
5010 NW Shasta
Corvallis, OR 97330
Num num num num!!!

--Snorkel Bob
(1/18/99)



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