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Sound; Beth Orton.

Sight; Flealess cats.

Taste; Subway Steak n' Cheese.

Touch; Oily skin.

Smell; Is it a prerequisite that I must talk about my cat's ass here? Well, that's what smells.

June 28, 2000
Handsome Jackass.

I think of, at the very minimum, 86 things a day I have to say here. Not a single one of them makes it into an entry. I have no brain cells. I gave all I had at the office.

I had thought last night that I could do a "31 Orgasms" a la Salon. Then thought about who'd be reading it and cringed. I'm still making up my mind while writing.

Handsome Jackass

Last night I had another one of my "handsome jackass" dreams. It's a simple enough formula, girl meets boy, girl falls in love and has incredible sex, girl has heart broken when the boy reveals that it was a cruel joke. Like last night, this end revelation usually comes in the form of a smirk and a toss of his well muscled shoulder whilst buried in another, more beautiful and giggling woman. One in particular that made me wake up crying was when the revelation came in the form of him stealing my wallet and robbing me blind, booting me out of my own car while he drove off. Harsh, I know. Why don't I ever have fucking She-Ra Warrior Princess dreams where he tries to steal my wallet and I castrate him while spouting a witty one-liner looking fabulous in my gold thigh boots? Hrmph.

So last night's dream was the curse of the handsome boy, I suppose I was in high school again, he had chestnut hair and a face that would've driven any Greek soldier to sodomy. He had a way of holding my head when he kissed me with such a firm mouth and I knew just from that kiss everything he wanted to do with me. We did nothing but kiss, and I can sit here in the middle of needing to go to the doctor in an hour and calling in to work because of emergency ovaries and know exactly the way it felt. I just know his hair and face, his mouth and a bright fierce passion for him that just grew and grew. I parked my car across the street from his house, the yard filled with people and I could hear voices from the large fenced in back yard. I went around and tried to find him, ended up climbing up to the second stories roof and walking on the flat part where you could tan during the day. I knocked his window and only saw a woman astride him. She saw me and said, "Oh, is this her?" I blanched and turned to leave, with him following me closely behind. I wasn't crying yet, I had hoped that he was just knee-walking drunk and accidentally fell and slipped into her. He caught me and we faced each other, him with his hands behind my neck then at my waist. He kissed me then, sweet lord, he kissed me. We slid to the ground and right there on the roof, we rutted. Not like the slut in the bedroom he had been underneath, this was solid, no other word to describe it, solid. Then he rose up and told asked me if I understood the way things were, I didn't answer, he laughed. I left. Couldn't find my car. Called my father. Ached in my chest. Vaginal Update

I'll have to finish this entry after my gyn appointment. Have I shared my love of stirrups with you people yet? Before I go…

cold metal on my heels
you can see your house from here
we should sell tickets

legs fall to the side
my pussy is your pussy
sure! bring all students!

feel some pressure now
juggling my ovaries
thank god for k.y.

hey you there doctor
shouldn't I know your first name
Since you're in me?



Chop Wood, Carry Water

Alright, I've been through the poking and prodding and my doctor tells me that she doesn't think it's my cyst unless it's switched sides. Maybe it has. I have another round of sonograms at the end of this week to look forward to. I left the doctor and visited Connor, the drool bucket baby. He's got two teeth at 5 months, the saliva only ceases to flow when eating his cereal. Still, he's better than your baby. Heh. Afterwards I picked Adam up from work, his car having died this morning. He's out right now on the battery I jumped off for him, running errands.

Doing nothing is starting to take it's toll on me. My current job isn't bad, there's just nothing to do right now and it's driving me stir crazy. Though it's not as bad for me right now as it is for my Aunt. My mother and I are betting on how much weight she'll gain while lying on her ass for 6 months after her recent knee surgery. She isn't allowed to move, and I think she even has a bed pan… such comedic material rarely rears it's head very often, I'll have to send her ass-humor letters this summer.

31 Orgasms

Two men had recently been shot in the park we were walking through. We were later than the criminals even, it was completely deserted. There was a chill in the air but it was foggy, a warm dampness balancing out the temperature well. We didn't hold hands, I knew what I was doing was wrong, this man not being the man I was committed to, or loved. But I was beautiful to him, and he was a kind person. He told me a story about coming to this park when he lived in his van, the grotto being big enough to park, eat, and use the faucet to wash his clothing and dishes. At the time it seemed remarkably brave and free. He took off his hat and put in beneath me before lowering his head. I watched the sky and begged for someone not to walk up us. Later, I looked at him over the billiards table and wondered just what I was doing with him. After that night I never called him again. It was either that moment of clarity or the fact that he tried to stick his finger up my ass once. You know, it really could be either.

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