Sound; Endless Remixes
Sight; It ain't called "The Ugly Side" for nothin'.
Taste; Chicken Curry.
Touch; Over slept this morning just to wrap my arms around Adam for a little bit longer. Frau Shnoozenheifer strikes again!
Smell; Burt's Bees moisturing creme.
June 6, 2000
Well, I Didn't Think They'd Be Naked!
Saturday afternoon Katie called me from her Grandmother's house in Norcross having just driven in from Asheville. She continued to badger me until I consented to going out with her that evening. I collapsed, but happily, under the pressure. I asked her if Jill would be joining us too and she dropped the bomb, that she and Jill had broken up months earlier. She hadn't told me about it because I was going through enough on my own. I was touched and pissed at the same time. I am occasionally too self absorbed, I should've been able to tell there was something wrong.
The stupid bitches that just moved into the building, henceforth referred to as Sorority Bitch & Subtle Bitch, had again parked in a spot not reserved for them. Our parking situation is precarious on a good day. You're lucky not to be towed by your neighbor on a bad one. I was dressed and ready and walked into the parking lot to smoke a cigarette to find my car blocked in and two other cars just sitting in the middle of the parking lot. Well damn it, I was gussied up and feeling my oats so I decided that today would be the day that I tell them exactly where they can park their cars. Neither Bitch answered the door, which I suppose is for the best.
When I walked back to sit down, Katie was already waiting for me with her new girlfriend,Sex Kitten. Yes, these people got to choose their own nicknames. Apparently Foxy was upstairs using the bathroom and talking to Adam. Odd scenario, Foxy and Katie dated for a long time, and then hated each other with a passion for even longer. It gave me a twinge, wondering how this would affect the dynamic, but it turns out that there's no remaining beef between them. So I ran back upstairs and kissed my husband, then set off the evening of nekkid women, dog faced drag queens, and general debauchery.
We began by meeting Katie's mother and her girlfriend at a place called My Sister's Room. I'm not sure if it's a bar, or a club, or a restaurant, but it's one of Atlanta's nicer lesbian hangouts. Outdoor seating... real outdoor seating, on the slate and marble deck with a gigantic teepee set up and other assorted Finster art and sheds. Lots of grass and nothing overhead, it felt like I was in someone's backyard. I most assuredly recommend it. Our waitresses name was Chachi, and Chachi never showed up. After my second vodka tonic I began calling everyone Chachi that brought drinks to our table. The first time was a mistake, the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th were to try and make a joke to cover my embarrassment. Foxy was sweet and did it too, once or twice. Once it was thoroughly dark and Katie's mother was tired, we climbed back into Katie's car and drove to The Other Side, you may or may not know of it. It's the lesbian bar that was bombed a few years ago. Once inside we just picked a spot at the bar, in the back, so we could cattily break down all of the older women and the not so older women. There was maybe one woman in the entire place that I would call attractive, not counting the bartender who's name was Haley. I don't dance, but one thing did make me get my ass out there, but it takes a bit of explanation. Foxy has a girlfriend in Michigan, first of all, and second of all this was a joke from the beginning. While we were sitting at the bar this atrocious group of women sat down across the bar from us, far enough away to not even begin to hear what we were saying. One extremely overweight femme and two semibutch seven cuts. If you still don't get the seven cut reference after you've thought about it for a minute, email me. Foxy started fucking with her, meeting her eyes and smoking at her. Then this mass o' redneck troop moved onto the dance floor and Foxy started talking about how much she wanted to go out here but her girlfriend was there dancing with her. Once we saw her girlfriend go to the bathroom, Katie and Foxy got out there. But Sex Kitten and I just knew that's all she would do, so we decided to take matters into our own hands. As soon as the song change Sex Kitten latched onto Katie and I grabbed Foxy, ever so subtly dancing with her closer and closer to Seven Cut. As it turns out, my move was unnecessary because Sex Kitten was making motions to Seven Cut and pointing to Foxy. Before we knew it, Foxy was dancing the gay night away with one of the ogliest women in the bar. As it turns out, Seven Cut ended up being a cheating nasty ass pervert, so Foxy broke her heart. After awhile of this we decided to do something else... Yes, we were heading to no woman's land; The Pink Pony. The pink pony is where the Ms. Nude USA pageant is held, being one of the largest titty bars you can find. Once we were in, the girls (present company excluded) began to lose the wind from their sails. There was a pretty, but nondescript woman dancing onstage, we actually caught her with one leg in the air during a backbend. She really only looked like any other stripper I've ever seen. But that nondescript woman was soon walking offstage with not one, but two large brimming buckets of cash. The problem with titty bar adventure was that Foxy was actually in awe that they were naked. "I didn't really think they'd be naked!" Katie on the other hand couldn't handle the men. Which I can understand. Myself, it didn't bother me. Of course we were getting looks. But at the same time there were women walking through the crowd in less clothes and better tans, why would anyone give a shit about us? It was just too much for her so we booked straight out the door. How long did we stay you ask? All of about 10, maybe 15 minutes. I know, I'm tsking myself. Afterwards, once we had all convinced Katie that it was okay, we headed to the private strip club above the sex shop in downtown Atlanta. They were closing of course, so I had time to buy some ID and a sticker for my car that reads luscious. I think the titty bar adventure more than anything else downed the evening, after we left downtown I went home and relaxed. I wasn't drunk, or atleast I didn't think I was until I got up the next morning and saw that I had dug through the freezer in search of the perfect late night snack, Budget Gourmet Manicotti. Apparently I just heated up my food and blindly looked past all the other frozen food that I had removed, leaving it all to melt on the counter overnight. Adam had waited up for me too, hoping for some ass I suppose, but I was more tired than I had thought, gone as soon as my head hit the pillow.
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