April 7th
April 12th
April 20th



Sound; The too chipper sonographer. Bitch.

Sight; My body betraying me from the inside out.


Taste; Sausage egg and cheese biscuit.

Touch; Don't touch me. No, please touch me. No, don't touch me.

Smell; Nothing registers.

April 20, 2000
Then again, maybe they don't.

- massive -

Things change. My second appointment with my midwife included the first sonogram, this was on Monday. I've had my abdomen examined two weeks previous. My HCG and progesterone levels were right on track for someone at 8 weeks. So someone please tell me, why did my doctor not find the massive cyst on my left ovary and the levels of my HCG not show that there was a non-viable pregnancy taking residence inside of my uterus?

I have squatters in my reproductive system. They're taking me for all I'm worth. They've changed my life and back again. I've reclaimed my platform shoes. I want sushi for dinner tonight. I've slipped back into my old comfortable habits, except for smoking and drinking. Why start that again?

In a few hours, I'll return to the doctor to decide if I want a d&c, and if I want to remove this painful cyst from my ovary. I had complained weeks ago of a pain that felt like a pulled muscle in my lower left abdomen. It's tender to the touch, it hurts, and I still look pregnant. I shut down feeling it soon after the shock wore off. The residual pain should subside as soon as my belly shrinks, my breasts are my own, and my hormone levels return to normal.

I'll describe the doctor's visit soon. Most likely this weekend. I just happen to remain stunned at the moment.

I'm trying to keep up with the updates, my readers. Right now, I'm just settling back into my regularly scheduled program.

Adam and I are good. Unfortunately he'll be unable to take time off from work for the surgery, so I'll be recovering alone. I'll most likely spend it in front of my monitor. I have some really good ideas about design. I'll have the time, so I'll be spending time with you fine people I suppose.

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