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U F O egg..?
Your are visitor number ° to access the Non Sequitur page!
Now hey son, just what the hell are these Non Sequiturs?
Wanna submit your own? It just might land in the Uke's Hall of Fame.
Dyslexia for cure found!
Michael Shaw
-
Not only did bob have a new car, but he had his comb. - Saturn commercial
Ted Sbardella
-
"I'm okay," he said out of what looked to us like his ear.
Cheese Man
-
It's a dog eat rabid chipmunk world.
Cheese Man
-
The only thing left that is truly natural is a hankering for junk food.
Dan Scanlan (Coole Hand Uke)
-
It worked when you weren't looking.
Phillip
-
Athough initially amused, Ron soon became concerned when his supervisor
showed him a few other things he could do with his lunch.
Abe Vigoda
-
I find it quite impossible to sing these lyrics to the tune of "Happy
Birthday" --Well I like the way that you were reared... Don't ever let
'em call you queer... All up to my elbow I will go... Deebee deebee
deebee deebee... --Go ahead, try.
the saucy dog
-
You just soak it with lighter fluid, then set a match to it.
Phillip
-
I want to talk to everyone out there. I just hope somebody's listening.
Alison
-
Wherever you go, there you are.
Gaffer
-
The intruder forced Bert to chant the word, "smelt" over and over and
over...
uke
-
Man-I wish I were Jackie Chan...Know Why?
Blow Boy
-
Don't get dumb!
Bungle
-
"Kenneth, what is the frequency" -- shouted by Dan Rather's assailant on
a Manhattan street
Mac McComas
-
We have Jarvis in the walls.
nAnnEr
-
Bend over and take it like a man
suresh naidu
-
Ya ever notice that there aren't any love songs about herrings?!?
nAnnEr
-
cat hair gives my dad polyps
benjamin
-
I don't care whose walrus it is, it's not going im my car!
nAnnEr
-
I think Bob got ate.
CANDY
-
Ehyeh, I told dat bitch no gravy.
T Blade Bernadas
-
EAT THE MEAT Fucking Fish!
T Blade Bernadas
-
If the waiter doesn't come soon... take the kid hostage!!
Tiffany Hizon
-
Yay for Marty! To hell with dad's pen.
Christina Onufryk
-
You don't leave a man because he is good or bad you just leave him.
Tussima Ojah
-
Alicia pouted. It was already 2:45 PM, and she had NO time for a yeast
infection.
Bill Burns
-
These are by far the eyes I have ever smelled.
docraven
-
The delegates from Rhode Island enjoyed slapping the neighborhood
wildlife
the uke
-
Just wait a few years, son. Then you'll know why large piles of women
scream for me every night out side of our home.
Fanny Slapper
-
Pilsner that rake, you swelled brained, soaked in camel, Twit!
Ted Sbardella
-
George Sells tried to kiss me on the lips. Nick says, "Nice Homo-page,
Boot-meister."
slappy@nick's mac
-
All roads lead to the ruins of Rome.
M'Eniac, the Venus Flytrapper
-
My brain gets angry around power stations.
the uke
-
I shot the last punk that called me Gordon!
Puss Jam
-
I'm armed, I've got an attitude and I'm out of Prozac!
Kanda' Jalen Eirsie
-
...and your momma is a psycho poo poo head-yeah!!!
Tiff
-
I am consistently inconsistent.
Timmy
-
Thank God I'm an Atheist!
Doo dad
-
Lumpy cheese-- tastes bad but feels oh so good.
squirrel girl
-
God loves an android in a frog-suit!
uke
-
What's up Gordon!!!
pearl jam lover
-
I feel great, but I feel sick of my own
Bernardo
-
Struggle all you like. The earrings will only get tighter.
Bill Burns
-
Whatever happened, the outcome for the hamster wouldn't be pretty.
Bill Burns
-
Ah, Mom. Toe jam again?!
Bill Burns
-
Dammit! I lost my marsupial again.
Marquis de Sade
-
If carpet can grow, I'm in BIG trouble.....!
Lewis Wu
-
Mom..! The senator just killed another one of your cats.
Mr. K
-
I'm gonna need a couple of canoes and a sack FULL of bacon..!
uke
-
i learned to dance to it and i was sucked in.
j0h
-
So I'm wondering what the Hell to do with the Virgin Mother?
Froggie
-
The DEA was following me on the ski slope but they're not very good
skiers, so I lost 'em.
Nate Crenshaw
-
I wish people would stop calling me "Gordon" ..!
Gordon
-
Why didn't you just ask for the damn wiffle-bat?
DocRaven
-
Just take a shovel and get that squid off the rink!
orzabal
-
I know I've been bad, but still.
Bulk
-
Those assholes took my garbage again.
Coperate unit #7
-
I can feel the t.v. sapping my strength away, but if I turn it off again,
the wall people will yell at me.
the uke
-
If I hadn't listened to my casserole, I would be a dead man.
Weston the Intestine
-
I don't think I can go on much longer ignoring the little person right
behind me. He tells me things.
Craig Hendrix
-
I have decided to hide my remote control from my dog.
Brak
-
I just know that the women in the office hate me because of what I did in
their bathroom.
the uke
-
I have a strange feeling that my mother is trying to fatten me up, so she
can butcher and eat me.
Rogerson Hammerstein
-
The cafeteria ladies are putting small magnets in my food so they may
contact the mother ship.
Valerie Vigoda
-
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you got here.
Chet Klyn
-
It is unfortunate that he was killed by a rare species of poisonous bird.
pohl
-
Oh Christ! Vo Tech Schmoe Tech.
Dr Blade
-
I didn't know moles could grow there!
Ralph Nader
-
I believe wet-suits should be officially declared as "clothing."
Hammy's Corn Captain
-
I wish people didn't hate me just because I CHOOSE to be a cannibal.
Existential Uke Slappy
-
I always get into trouble when I try to drive lying down.
nAnnEr
-
"Watch out! I have a dog and I know how to use it. If I could only find
the trigger."
Reinier Nissen
-
Hey Captain, What are you doing with Mr. Greenjeans???
nAnnEr
-
Excuse me, ambassador, is this your booga?
big james <101330.700@compuserve.com>
-
...Hey!...That's not Dick Clark!!!....
Goody
-
Not everything tastes like chicken, dig?
the uke
-
I have noticed that people don't listen to me as much since the cops took
my gun away.
the uke
-
Had to kill all the wildlife in my neighborhood as a security measure.
And Mr. Appleby, too.
Shaggy on acid
-
Allay urtherfay essagesmay illway eebay inay ecretsay odecay.
Toilet Joe
-
After the incident with the tree, I have been exiled from my apartment
complex.
the uke
-
My parrot is beginning to suspect that I know its awful secrets.
the uke
-
Does your dog bark when you scratch him?
Reinier Nissen
-
Fred, did you know potatoes could do that?
nAnnEr
-
It's like when you knock the readings monitor off an oxyacetaline tank
and it flies across the room
greg mcdonald
-
A wet bird will never fly at night.
Don Gravatt
-
Never pet a burning dog........
The Uke
-
Of course, but if you think that garden hose needs tweed to shore up the
twinkie hole, your mother's spaniel has another thing coming.
Chris Corrigan
-
Is this a _cheese_ danish?!
Brett R. Brown
-
The bird is ambidextrious.
Jake
-
Gimme that nut.
Bruni
-
Goat?
Kent Nichols
-
I asked for a third nostril and all I got was this lousy g-string.
Teleute
-
The trouble with wishing wells...
Vern Beausoleil <70550,3273@compuserve.com>
-
Grandfather and I LOVE potatoes!
Mark Williamson
-
Four-foot what with mustard?
Jekke
-
As the first ashtray, Newt gleamed like the sound of a fallen arch.
Michael Dunkley
-
There's always Pizza
Scott
-
Oh no! I've been slapped with the reality bass!
tblade
-
Is that you, Destro?
lish trachea
-
everytime i laugh, my butt hurts...
Cornholio
-
Boy Howdy I likes the chili
Craig Hendrix
-
Neil Young and Dr. Benton Quest
The Uke
-
The Uke's Hall of Fame
You'll never succeed in life untill you get that vodka out of your pants.
Ray G. III
Now will somebody please tell me, is this Farhvergnugen?
DocRaven
I like bombs, 'cuse they heat my cheese whiz.
Brad Neuberg
Produce makes good friends cause when you're bored with it you can eat it
and not go to jail.
nAnnEr
If ham could run, it would make a good pet.
nAnnEr
Lay down your life so that I might be amused, my oh-so-pretty robot.
nAnnEr
You are my robot. Kill for me. I have programmed you to do so.
nAnnEr
If swamp thing was here, he could build us a bridge
greg mcdonald
If I was a girl, I could swallow the Empire State Building
greg mcdonald
"No Loafy; pink shit flows left-THEN RIGHT!"
Egbert
"Just gimme a corn eatin' woman," he cried.
CANDY
-
More Jonny-Cat please!
Please don't touch me there Mr. President!
Now hey boy, It's Mr. Bacon.
You can take that out of the giraffe.
Lonesome Joe never did have much use for torsos.
I need to take LOTS of vitamins to keep healty.
Are you trying to cut off my leg?
Barry's flawless interpretation of the law gave him bad hair.
Careful! That's not just any ordinary cup.
Come to the tree elf-boy
Dad said he likes blue things. Should I kill him?
Derek could eat things very fast.
Do not be tempted by the friendly bucket.
Don't forget your resin.
Fire drill fat boy!
Frank's pillow was gone!
Gimme some hambone
Hey Robotica! Where's the professor?
Horace killed them by accident, but he must have forgotten about it by
now.
Hypnotic clambake.
I am afraid that a nuclear war could kill Madonna.
I could kill seven men. (If I had to)
Is this the fluid you were telling me about?
Jana the lava lady stole some chairs.
Jimbo, the ever-amusing, talking slab o' pork.
Listen! Is that a stove?
Mom ate a comb and told me to marry a nurse.
My brain sees you.
My chronometer has stopped.
My plate has been stolen.
Only the corn remained
People up north have bigger butts.
Ruth ate so slow that all of her dates have tried to kill her.
Stinky onion
That's the hole where we found dad.
The 7th lip
The corn-child told me to.
The fragrant trees were now in control.
The manager told me to stop because Dad was making too much noise
The old lady identified the corn as hers.
The silver plated goat-man
This is not my gland
We all smelled the leg
We should all get some vests!
What! Wicker again?
Where did you buy that pile driver
Where's my arm-rest
Your kind ain't allowed around here, goat-boy.
Who said I was mutilated?
Jeese! another guy named Wink
Purple the arm-pit
Goo of the Gods
Gorf!
We all wear the blue hat.
I hate your envelope
The inter-dimensional time traveler told me I was fat.
So I said to the Monsignor, "Hey! that's my anus!"
The dog just died and I'm so glad to have someone to talk to
I'm not dead; I'm just metabolically challenged
Greasy toilet
The Navahoes did it.
Radio Shak? Nah....
Get that damned spoon away from me!
Jehovah ate crayons
Butt custard
Quick! Gravel!!
Jesus removed my pants with his mind.
The pot pie confused the killer.
Jerry unknowingly smelled okra
Moses gets busy
More hats? Oh yeah!
Winnie The Poobag
God's holy treehouse
As a child I would often fall down.
Get off my leg!
My saucy dog
Flip Wilson ate all the gizzards out of my mouth
Dog in the bush
My teeth hate each other
The boys ate savory pie
Death comes with the second pizza-man
Please some of my sofa
I Fucked my cat and it died
Flaming Ameche
Waiter, there's a butt in my face!
Captain eyeball
My dog saw me naked
Do not hoard the lava
Eric was actually some salt
Hume Cronyn
Vanilla Predicate
Catt Butt
Carol's fondu
The contaminated cheese addressed the faculty
God ate my fries
The mysterious translucent floating head yelled at us
The hairy fruit gave me gas
How do you like your dingo?
I found a shoe in my butt
The lampshade of despair
Let go of my fucking stapler!
Soup does not wink
Randy had no skin
Andy Griffith on acid
A hearty man named Drano
The camel of envy
The orange water made me laugh
Loaf vapor
That's not a violin!
Is this your air?
Someone help me with this damned napkin!
God fell down some stairs
I'd like six chicken livers and a shot of VO.
Yo Joey. Kill that fucking Yak!
She accidenally used the bathroom in his mouth.
He did what with the umberella?
The naked dog told me to eat the souflet
Floyd makes me uncomfortable with all his pencils.
Is that your wife barking?
Okay, who ate the specimens?
Sheila came to the sudden realization that she hadn't brushed her teeth
since the head cheese.
Although he feigned disinterest, Frank was secretly ecstatic when the
neighbors told stories about
their meals with the forest creatures.
John's ecosystem was bad.
Alice could catch a bullet with her teeth, but only once, since it would
break through them and kill
her.
Billy began to enjoy Dr. Walton's little game, never guessing that he was
playing right into the
hands of the Communists.
Hey! That's my toilet paper square . . . Oh. Never mind.
My groin is talking to you.
Boonta found a BandAid on the pyraid.
Drop that corndog!
Benny let the shark fellate him.
Roger had some aluminum foil that looked like Nevada.
Sissy boys goin' to frog camp
Sven gigled at the thought of mutilations.
Wrong hole, Sid! Wrong hole!
David's groin deliberately spoke with a Scottish accent.
Soup is a virtue
The feral child sang like Presley.
Sir Donald came on my Mom.
Gradually the possum was able to shed some light on the murder.
Billy wondered what else Mikey liked.
Where's my damned Serb?
And so the other children called young Bertolt mutton-boy from that day
forward.
Shelby's pheremones baffled me.
Buddy picked the wrong Elvis stamp.
The entrail theif was still at large.
Adam enjoyed fucking women much more than goats. Well, most of the time,
anyway.
Larry, dammit, that's not food!
Fabio.
Cindy prided herself on not being all that stupid.
Thus ended my lesson about licking crabs.
The mistreated toiled stalked Bill.
The cops got nervous when cory said he could kill them with his pants.
Go ahead non-believer. Investigate my colon.
My butt told me to write this.