on
6/15/2002
Writer's Note: This is Space Toast Page #099, meaning that it's the 100th STP I've posted. Next week, we invade the hundreds place. As such, it may be fitting that this is the first article I've written with the intent of selling to a publication. With more luck than I'm likely to conjure, the following will appear in the metro Las Vegas area, in the free publication Data Magazine.
Here’s a snazzy old fifties term for you: Sunshine Units. It was a measure of nuclear fallout. In light of recent events in India and Pakistan, and the release of The Sum of All Fears, why don’t we take stock of how much “sunshine” there is out there, who’s at the trigger, and how much they hate us. Happy summer!
1. RussiaHow Many Nukes: 20,000.
How Much They Could Eradicate: Every major U.S. city, about 30 times over -- and that’s considering Rockford, IL a “major” U.S. city.
What’s the Risk: Tensions have decreased significantly since the end of the Cold War, but old school Communists remain about as plentiful as Absolut bottles in the Russian Kremlin. If worst comes to worst, we can always call on Ben Affleck.
2. U.S.A. How Many Nukes: 10,000.
How Much We Could Eradicate: Every major Russian city, and probably half of Irkutsk, for good measures.
What’s the Risk: Don’t know. Do you vote?
3. ChinaHow Many Nukes: 410.
How Much They Could Eradicate: Twenty West Coast U.S. cities, and 60 more in East Asia.
What’s the Risk: Economic bedfellowing with the U.S. continues to stimulate both parties, but China remains the most powerful non-democratic country in the world.
4. France and the U.K. How Many Nukes: 350 in France, 185 in the U.K.
How Much They Could Eradicate: Most of the Eastern United States -- including, hopefully, Eminem.
What’s the Risk: Barring a new Battle of Hastings, pretty damn low.
5. IsraelHow Many Nukes: 100-200. The Israelis are... shy about revealing how many nukes they have, but estimates put them well over a grand.
How Much They Could Eradicate: Theoretically, all major cities in the Arab world. And that’s the idea.
What’s the Risk: Losing U.S. support would hobble the Jewish state, but the fiercely defensive Israelis could go Old Testament in the event of another Arab/Israeli war.
6. India and PakistanHow Many Nukes: About 100 between them, mostly in India.
How Much They Could Eradicate: Each other, international peace and stability.
What’s the Risk: Both sides have stepped back from the brink for the time being, but the situation in Kashmir remains about as stable as Michael Douglas in Falling Down. Let’s see India make a Bollywood musical out of this.
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