as of
3/30/2002
I have been asked to explain why the Space Toast Page is no longer existent.
In the approximately two and one half years since the Space Toast Page became active, no fewer than 7200 swear words have been used, including references to sexual contact of five different types, lewd public actions, rape, torture, bestiality and fecal matter. Where swears are not found, innuendoes and mild curses abound. Indeed, swear words of one kind or another have constituted a solid majority of all text published on this page in the past two years.
Numerous federal laws have also been breached. The Telecommunications Decency Act, which forbids the distribution of images which "appear to depict minors" in sexual acts has been violated 17 times in the past 3 months alone. The Space Toast Page has been used to host illegal documents on numerous occasions, including the infamous "Non-sequitur Page" -- a set of apparently random phrases which decipher into a directory of warez sites. Drug use among Space Toast personnel and readers is suspected. Lastly, the "Touch the Toast" forum has become a haven for Colombian guerrilla communiqués.
In scaling back our budget projections for the coming year, we have been forced to crop sites from our servers which did not, or did not satisfactorily, respond to the generic email which follows:
From: [crop]Please respond, in ten lines or fewer, explaining why your web site (see user agreement for definitions) provides a valuable enough service to justify its expenditure of bandwidth. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
[crop]
Accessed by only about one and one half readers per week, this page was not considered a large drain on the company's resources. The reply received, however -- the words "Plaster dragon" followed by a long, trilingual stream of invectives, and then a link to an illustrated essay about breasts -- led us to put the page on probation. The update posted by the user on 4/1 then led to our decision to delete the Space Toast Page altogether. (No part of any grammatically coherent length can be reproduced here.)
We appreciate your time and patronage.
Touch the Toast