on
2/16/2002
WASHINGTON (Space Toast News) -- In a stunning move, President Bush appears to have invented a six day trip to Asia. The tour, which was to include talks with the leaders of China, Japan and South Korea, was never undertaken, nor does there appear to have been any impetus on the President's part to go.
The president originally planned to make the trip to Beijing, Tokyo and Seoul in October, but the September 11 terrorist attacks on the United States altered his schedule. The attacks also have influenced what officials anticipate the chief executive will discuss when he sits down with the Asian nations' leaders, if he ever, in the future, should do so.
According to various senior U.S. officials, Bush, in his visit to South Korea, was expected to talk tough about North Korea's missile proliferation and other weapons programs. The Prime Minister, however, who's staff kept specially-prepared hors-d'ouvres hot during a marathon 36-hour wait, eventually gave up and told his staff to go home, divvying up the leftovers among the government staff. The South Korean Parliament has expressed exasperation with Bush, and lauded the hors-d'ouvres.
Indeed, in a briefing ahead of the trip, national security adviser Condoleezza Rice Thursday made the cryptic statement that the trip, "was going to happen, is going to happen, and absolutely should not be misconstrued as a falsity on any level, ever." The nation, she said, "should just accept that Bush is in Asia, and think nothing more of it."
Talks in Japan, suffering from record unemployment, likely would have centered on economic issues, including the recent downward ripple brought on by Bush's remarks that he and Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi might discuss currency devaluation. As such, the Prime Minister was left to wonder, somewhat undiplomatically, if Bush was "devaluing his own currency at a strip club somewhere."
In China, Bush hopes to hold discussions with that nation's heir-apparent, a leader about which little apparently is known in the West. The U.S.-China meeting has a historical flavor, too; it was to come 30 years after President Nixon's ground-breaking visit to China. As such, the Chinese have vowed to increase their nuclear and chemical stockpiles, and demanded the return of the crew of a US spy plane that collided with a Chinese fighter jet last April. A second Tieneman Square crackdown has been called for, with students being rounded up from the nation's college campuses and New York City-themed pool halls.
"Perhaps by 'touring Asia,' the President meant a trip to Foxwoods in a Toyota," theorized one pundit on CNN's Capitol Connection last night, with a trace of seriousness.
The whereabouts of Bush remain unknown. However, in an undated written statement, Bush said "I respect all the states of the great Nation of Asia, and fully intend to make a trip there in the near or far future, should I desire to do so at some point." In the meantime, Vice President Dick Cheney will remain in charge of the country's affairs, as usual.
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