for
5/5/2001
Tomorrow night, at 7:30, I will present the sophomore class film/video show, officially titled "Tomorrow's Porn Directors... Today!" but renamed "Today's Film Students, Tomorrow's Porn Directors" to avoid confusion about when it will be presented--with an early deviation to the somewhat redundant "Horny Nymphos" still showing on a few covered-over posters.
And yet I don't believe it.
Last week's big adventure was a trek through the campus getting signatures from various people (in a specific order), in order to serve alcohol at the show. A guy knows a guy who runs a brewery--he can get us the stuff free. He's done so. I got hold of him and got his part of the forms filled out and turned in. Wednesday night, he will be behind a table with a prefab sign on it, handing out bottles of beer to those who show him ID. He's nicknamed me "Matty." And somehow...
You see, it's not real.
Yes, my phone has been alive, with people being called to remind them to submit work, and calling me back about this and that. There's a steady stream of tapes and films coming into my room over at the dorm and my three mailboxes around the campus. They're sitting right here: two tiny digital tapes and a VHS. They look so cute together.
Something is very surreal about this whole thing, and I can't place what. It's possible that my mildly sleep-deprived brain is jogging in place, withholding the passage of time so that I'll feel restful and at ease, allowing me to go to sleep. Tomorrow is tomorrow, and that's a long time away.
There is no time.
Further complicating the present situation is the loose end I seem to be at tomorrow. If all goes well, my projectionist, Dan, and I will be compiling all the videotape onto a single digital tape (okay, more like two) tonight, during his lab monitoring hours--and later if need be. Tomorrow follows and... what do I do then? Just sit around and edit my Alice video? It's a complete loose end. There's no compartment to rattle around in anymore. I'm off rolling down the street!
Relax. Consolidate. Center. This is all happening. Witness some evidence....
Okay, so apparently this will happen tomorrow, whether I expect it to or not.
But what's my motivation again? Do I want to see the show happen, or sleep? I have forgotten.
And I should really get back to work.
Touch the Toast