for
3/24/2001
WASHINGTON (Space Toast News) -- President Bush Saturday urged Congress to approve his federal budget plan, which includes $1.6 trillion in spending on giant mechanized suits, saying it was a "compassionate" budget that reflected American values and the changing needs of the United States Military.
Large mechanized suits, or "Mecha" have been in use in Japan for many years, but the United States has been slow to adopt such gigantic weapon platforms. Bush has called for closing what he terms the country's "Mecha Gap."
As the House prepared to vote on Bush's budget blueprint, which was approved by the House Budget Committee along party lines Wednesday, the president spelled out what he said were the benefits of Mecha.
In his weekly radio address, Bush appeared to try to answer some of the main questions the Democrats have about the plan, which they say favors the wealthy in the tax cut, does not set aside enough for Social Security and Medicare, and wastes trillions on untested and potentially hazardous cybernetic technologies.
"My budget is compassionate," Bush said. "It dedicates $238 billion to Medicare next year alone, enough to fund all current programs and to begin a new prescription drug benefit for low-income seniors. It protects all $2.6 trillion of the Social Security surplus for Social Security and Social Security alone. Further, it allows us to close the Mecha Gap between us and the rest of the world. We need giant robots, and we need 'em now, baby!"
Senate Democrats were perplexed by Bush's statement. "I wasn't aware that the rest of the world had giant robots," said Senator Barbara Boxer (Dem., CA).
Bush was undeterred, pointing out that his budget was also responsible, as it pays down the national debt, sets up a contingency fund for unexpected "needs" and provides for a 4 percent increase in discretionary spending, 850 percent of which will go to fund the giant robot research.
"After meeting all these priorities, we return about $1 out of every $4 in the surplus to the American taxpayer," said Bush, "in the form of large, roving squadrons of indestructible mechanized killing machines."
Although the Republican fiscal blueprint, which closely tracks Bush's budget plan, was expected to be approved by the Republican-led House in what will likely be another partisan vote next week, it faces a tougher challenge in the 50-50 split Senate.
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Senate Republicans acknowledge they still lack votes to pass the measure as several moderate Republicans have joined Democrats in saying they fear the $1.6 trillion robots, and worry that the tax cut in Bush's plan may be too large, and could bring back deficits.
But Bush, who focused in his radio address partly on his plans to cut discretionary spending to 4 percent from 8 percent last year, insists that tax relief is what is needed, and that Mecha are necessary to the U.S.'s future as a world leader on many fronts.
"My budget plan doesn't slam the brake on spending, it slows the growth of spending."
"And what's the last movie you saw out of Hollywood featuring anything like Mecha?" said Bush. "Even machines as small as 10 feet tall? Robocop? The Return of the Jedi? Come on! Our need for large mechanical suits is so pressing, in terms of the American consciousness and imagination, that it makes our increases in spending look realistic and reasonable."
"Mecha are Next the Big Thing," quipped Bush. "That is, Next Big Thing," whispered spokesman Ari Fleischer into the microphone, eliciting a short round of sniggering.
During a press conference Saturday, Bush was momentarily heartened to learn that the Canadian-built robotic arm for the new International Space Station will exhibit some of the characteristics of the robots he's called for. The arm will move, end over end, caterpillar-like, from one data/power port to another, effectively giving it free range over the entire outside surface of the space station. Upon learning that it would take 15 to 30 minutes to do so, however, the President lost interest.
Republican supporters were quick to jump on Bush's $1.6 trillion Mecha proposal. "There exists a massive gap between the United States and its allies abroad; that is one of a complete lack of Mecha. One might almost call it a 'Mecha Gap-zilla,'" said Paul Thornton of the conservative think tank Dallas Initiative, to a few coughs and a general silence. "What, Bush gets to crack jokes and I don't?"
The President has vowed to stay the course on his Mecha proposal and other parts of the budget, saying that in spite of long-term problems, the short term will look mostly the same.
"Even by Washington standards, this is a lot of money," he said. "This debate illustrates a point I've been making for a while--when money is left in Washington, there is a tremendous temptation for the government to use it."
"Now would you prefer it disappear into flood relief in some bum-******* county on rural Arkanebraskassee, or see it spent on a gleaming, 12 story-tall-mobile assault machine with all the extras? The rest of the world used to cower like roaches under America's feet; lets bring this country's shoe size up where it ought to be. This is the plan that Congress is now considering and I hope you'll give it your support. And once again I ask, 'Who let these Space Toast News %#$*&@! in here?'"
"No, seriously," added Bush.
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