for
10/28/2000
Here we are in the final week of October. Halloween is just a couple days away. The election is next week. Earlier today, snow flew through the air for the first time this season. The end of October isn't just about chilly nights and small candies, though. To you and me, good reader, it's now about the anniversary of the Space Toast Page....
...Yes, "Manifest," our humble, best-left-alone beginning here at netgarbage.com/users/spacetoast was finally perfected and put online one year ago this weekend. Pointless as it may have been, it was a start, and often a start is the hardest thing to come by in the business of writing. Needless to say, this little Space Toast project would need much better material in the weeks to come if it was going to be worth coming back to.
..."Being William Shatner," a counter-cultural vindication of the man and the legend, was just such a piece. It probably came to me when I was in the shower, or on the T, or some other place where I couldn't really get to work on it immediately. I never mentioned his obvious entheusiasm for the part he played in Airplane! II, but most of the ideas I wanted to get in made it. My moral: the two-dimensional character exists only in fiction--this is real life.
...God what fun. And what a lot of work. I think we all remember this image, from "Land Mines..."
...a good week's worth of "free" time spent on lampooning the whole gun control debate. I love it.
..."In Omega Country" was a response to the laughably crappy movie, starring some wanna-be's and a has-been, that the Trinity Broadcast Company succeeded in shoveling on America's Christian faithful last year. The Omega Code, if you'll recall, received a high dollar-per-screen figure in a limited theatrical run because it was vaguely religious, and thus (many were led to believe) a sin for the penitant not to see. Were there going to be more such projects? Are there still? Only time will tell, and there's certainly nothing I can do about it. Still, I'm proud to have taken even an insignificant stand against such wastes of film-making money.
A minority can dictate to the majority, if the majority is apathetic. This, I think, is a theme that you'll see cropping up again and again on the Space Toast Page.
..."A Little Parting Gift From Maine" is a cute little thing. A new girlfriend, a new semester, and the end of a day all combined themselves into a simple, short essay. Sometimes I think I can do this after all.
..."If you're ready, llllet's play!" It was the middle of winter, and game show fever had spread through the central-air systems of America. Ever one to leap on the back of a trend, I responded with "Quiz Toast..."
...Was it fun? Was it good? Damn right it was, and that's my final answer! (sorry)
..."The Space Toast Portal" was another one of those pages that took a hellishly long time. I thought I understood HTML tables, but hell if I was prepared to build the mad-cap clutteredness of my internet portal parody. It took a long, long time. I think it was worth the effort, though.
As an odd side-note, my sister is now working for AltaVista in California. Hmm.
It is true that the Space Toast Page is nearly impossible to find using any of the major internet portals. Sour grapes? Well, who knows. At any rate, I knew that if I was to attract traffic I was going to have to rely on the kindness of strangers. This is why I designed some "Banners!"...
...and posted them on their own weekly page. The "About" page at the end of every essay contains a link to this weekly. I could just put the banners on that page, without the accompanying text, but what fun would that be?
...The following week's essay asked the simple question, "Have You Ever Had Your Doppleganger Arrested and Thrown into a Mental Hospital for Three Days?" one, I know, many of us have asked on many occasions. Seriously though, I might have entertained the feeling that fate took a shot at me and missed, hitting the guy behind me, in this episode, had it not been so darned goofy. The picture is a decent likeness of me, though. Still, I'm better looking.
It hasn't all been fun. In March of last year, a mutualistic combination of insomnia, sickness and an ambitious project knocked me out of school for a week, and mostly out of my head. The essay "Broken Down"...
...like so many, failed to live up to the composition I started before I could sit down to write or type, but it is, none the less, a decent description of my feelings. We live, we learn, we move on. How can one know how good things are, if one doesn't know how bad they can be?
..."Spring Update" was possibly the best Space Toast News Brief, but I love them all. That's about all I have to say about it; I just felt like making the mention.
It's been a good year, and a lot of the best parts, in one form or other, have made it into the Space Toast Page. I am far too self-important about this little project most of the time, but what's the harm?
I started this page in order to be honest. I wanted to be blunt, and sincere, and not be afraid of either. I wanted to admit that I didn't know jack--and still don't. In short, I started it in order to be true to myself. And I think I've been pretty successful, on the whole, and have, in the process, managed to put some good content on the web.
I'd like to thank my loyal readers, thank those who have put a banner for me on their site, and, above all, thank the people in my life--for inspiring me, and putting up with me.
It's going to be a great year.
Oops! Almost forgot (Well, not really.)...
Appendix A: Missed Weeks
December 24, January 1, June 10, July 8, July 15, August 12
(Six weeks--more than a month total. That's shameful.)
Appendix B: Slogans
"Further Proof That the Internet Exists" 10/30/1999 - 12/11/1999
"The Next Small Thing" 12/18/1999 - present
"The Game Show Site" ("Quiz Toast") 1/29/2000
"The World's FREE Stimulating Comment Site" ("What's Going On") 4/1/2000
"Online" ("The Space Toast Portal") 4/15/2000
"Ahead of Its Time" ("Our First Swearing President") 9/9/2000
(I have set no rules for changing the opening slogan.)
Appendix C: Space Toast News Briefs
"THEM" no date
"Land Mines" 11/27/1999
"The Paul Anderson Oscar Preview Special" 1/22/2000
"Spring Update" 5/27/2000
"Our First Swearing President" 9/9/2000
(The Space Toast News Service will continue to bring you the best news reporting possible, just as soon as our demands are met. We will also release several hostages then.)
Touch the Toast