for
10/14/2000
Hello. You have reached the Page of Space Toast. I can't come up with anything worth writing this week, so please, read on as I leave my random comments, miniature autobiographical tidbits, and other sludge, apparently for your enjoyment.
The Toast this week made a trip to Staples--ostensibly because they've "got that"--in hopes of finding an answering machine, hence this week's format. He waited timidly for too long, browsing the store's limited selection of answering machines that weren't part of a $150 phone, didn't have caller ID or other uneeded add-ons, and were priced for a typical starving art student.
It should be noted at this point that answering machines no longer have moving parts. They are all digital, allowing them to store fewer messages in an unretrievable or saveable format. Why anyone would want to save an answering machine tape, as a practical matter, is hard to answer, unless one has heard the Ben Folds song "Your Most Valuable Posession..."
I think it's fair to assume that you probably have not.
And likewise, I can't imagine it likely that you have ever had to shop for an answering machine, sans phone. The Toast has a phone, though, and is incredibly cheap, as stated previously. As also stated then, the selection of machines without uneeded crap, and costing very little, was quite limited. Limited, indeed, to only one machine.
This was the blue answering machine. I'm sure it had a slightly perkier name than that, but I'm not sure I should give it the dignity. It was made of clear blue plastic, iMac-style--as an iMac is being used to type this page, (as well as edit video and render 3D graphics) it is logical to assume that this "clear" thing is a style the Toast lacks aversion to. This is true. The probem with the blue machine was that it's clear blue case merely revealed that it had a lot of worthless, empty space, and cheap parts. For this I would have paid $20 and an outlet I don't have left, but fate, at least, imposed a temporary injunction; they didn't have the model in stock.
Thus, please note, should you use an actual telephone to contact Space Toast, that in spite of a temporary lack of an answering machine (an expidition leaves Friday, and doesn't come back until one has been bagged) that he will be screening his calls, in the annoying manner that one can with an answering machine, manually. Should this occur, please say "Hey [expletive]--I know it's you. What the [expletive] are you doing you [expletive][expletive]?" with [expletives] replaced.
Thank you!
Bear in mind also that bad sound does not necissarily mean that you are talking to an actual answering machine. It's just a cheap phone. A cheap, cheap phone.
Touch the Toast