for
1/29/2000
Hey hey hey game show fans! It's Space Toast here, bringing you LIVE the latest game show-quiz-party whatever. Ever ones to jump on any passing bandwagon, we here at the Space Toast Page (which, of course, has always been your Quiz Show center) are sending you and your rowdy friends into The Toastivator for one fun-packed game after another, after another. Indeed, we're not stopping this ratings-grabber until you, yes YOU, have had all you can take.
So what is this funky mixed-up Toastivator thing, anyway? I'm glad you asked! In the tradition of original rehashes and imports, such as "Who Wants to be a Millionnaire," we've assembled a whole show's worth of questions, about--and here's the kicker--quiz shows themselves! We figure it'll help ratings on this under-read, Judeo-Swiss bank account of a weekly musings web site.
Unfortunately, certain legal limitations disallowed us from creating a live nightly webcast of our quiz show. (Those limitations being that it's illegal to rob banks for the money to pay for such things.) Thus, we've transmuted The Toastivator into a party quiz show you can play with your friends at home! Simply clip out the following Quiz Show cards, play host and WIN!
The contestants on ABC's "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" take so long answering the simplest of questions because they
(A)Were told to count to at least 15 before answering the questions.
(B)Want to extend their 15 minutes of fame.
(C)Want to extend their 15 minutes out of the basement.
Prior to hosting CBS's "Winning Lines," Dick Clark was
(A)Retrofitted with new servo motors.
(B)Cryogenically frozen between New Years celebrations.
(C)Bargaining with the elf princess.
The return of national scandal-causing quiz show "Twenty-one" to NBC is proof that
(A)Host Maury Povich is a sexy berke.
(B)America's collective memory is too short to remember the faking scandal of the 1950's.
(C)America's collective memory is too short to remember the movie Quiz Show from the 1990's, but that's okay, because it means we've also forgotten the Macarena.
Some have charged that FOX's "Greed" has too many complicated rules for the casual viewer. If this is the case then
(A)It should scrap the whole thing and buy back "The Critic."
(B)It's part of a larger glitch that could cause the logo to read "19th Century Fox."
(C)Chill, it worked for football.
Who should be paid the most for doing "Who Wants to be a Millionnaire?"
(A)The friendly folks from your neighborhood Wal*Mart who go on as contestants.
(B)The lighting designer.
(C)The "You Don't Know Jack: Expansion Pack" refugees who write the questions.
In a theoretical Celebrity Jeopardy match between host Alex Trebek and "Win..." host Ben Stein, who would make a decent third contestant?
(A)Regis
(B)Maury
(C)The elf princess.
Note: Two points to anyone who insists on finding Bobby Fisher.
Regis Philbin's alternate title for "Who Wants to be a Millionnaire" was
(A)"Escape from Kathy Lee."
(B)"Who Wants to Get Out of the Basement."
(C)"Communion With the Elf Princess."
That's it! Now it's time to tally the scores; find out where your friends rank in the general scheme of things with the chart below:
0-1: Regis
2-3: Wal*Mart management timber
4-5: Dick Clark
6-7: Toasty
8: Elf Princess
Touch the Toast