Posted by jon on Mon Oct 23 20:32:52 2000: IP Address: 38.31.149.107
i was writing a thing on how i felt..then miss undaground told me to check my replies...all rudeness...fuck that id ont care..its how ui feel and i did tell her thank u....ok so chill the fuck out....rude people....im glad im not that bad heh..now im ok just chill and here was what i was writing b4 i got interrupted....
i think i figured it out...after u left i was thinking about it..and its just i feel empty at times but i can get over it..but like when ur there im f ine i dont think about much...but it jsut take time i guess so where im fine..like now im fine..when i get to doing something im good to go..i still think but its the same as in school..like i over analyze to much i guess.. im just like scared cause of stuff and i shouldnt be..u totally show me not 2 but nothing ever has ever worked out my way in the long run YET.. i think it will as i always say..heh ..fate.. not really but like just u know what i mean... but like i want it 2 badly this time and im scared it wont..and i never thought about it this much into today...im weirded by it hehe... i know u have to think im weird and prob mad.. i hope not just i thinking about it all cause i really care about u....and then i dont get y i was ugh b4... i feel better now im just insecure about stuff...but i can be ok doing whatever heh i do it all damn day in school hehe. i miss u tons though..like i dont know what it is specific its just all u..i dont know what else to say i just totally want u in every single way...
heh tom rocks cause he is talking to me right now about it..its nice to talk to people with how u feel....
but like i don tknow i guess im weird.. i just have to relax and not think about it so much..and just chill...like im really happy now.. i just don tknow me hehe i dont get me i guess i never will..but it goes back to just past shit of people just leaving when u think its fine..and i cnat bring that in my head but i do..i dnt get it eh im going to stop..takes time though....cause i so know u care... im just so insecure about lil things like that...cause ur beatiful ur like fucking closest to perfect in my head as perfect can be and i have u..i fuckin ghave u...u dont know how exhilerating that is... u dont know..... but then i get scared.. cause i know in past u felt down iand i ugess u now feel its easier to get over but heh it would be worse but then i shouldnt think about it....caus eiknow its not going to happen... thats y im trying to get it all out...like i feel a lot better when i do...
like right now tom is explaing it all to me
i just need to accept im what u want..that makes me feel good jsut knowing it..u show me i am everyday im just scared i wont be 1 day....and i need to stop..and i am like i feel great now just knowing ur happy..
heh like now i domnt even know what i wrote at 1 i feel fine..i just want to know how u feel exactly so i can put myself in ur shoes...
but i mean thinking about u is ahh heh..i soun dlike a coq or not o well its awsome... i could cum all over myself with a thought..fucking scarey... just looking at u makes me so happy.. idont know ill shh now but i feel tons better..talking to u b4 and then to tom made me feel great..day by day like u said..theonly way.. ur great...heh but remmeber to tell me how u feel so i can put myself in ur shoes...and i just will eventually after seeing how u feel not be insecure anymore it just takes time..
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