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Simon Interviews John Taylor |
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:::Singing to Men Without Hats:::: “….You can wank if you want to you, and you can grab JT’s behind.. ‘Cause Nick can’t wank and Warren is stank so,.. John’s ass is mine.. Sayin’ I can blow when I want to, and Yasmine doesn’t mind Cuz JT’s cock is out of this world, especially in my behind… You can wank, you can wank……dah dah dah dah…”
Since we last saw each other so much has happened in my life mates. First off, I was acquitted in the Nancy Reagan case. WHAT A BITCH she turned out to be! Thank God her son knows how to suck a cock or else I would have completely been shafted! :::grabs nipple::: Ooooh yeah shafted…..yeah baby. My rectum finally grew back together after that whole Monica Lewinsky thing too. Now that was certainly a View To A Kill kids, let me tell you! Well, as you all know John Taylor was the hottest, sexiest, most supple member of Duran Duran, and actually has the most perfect shaped hiney I have ever seen. Recently his solo career has dried up almost to the extent as Amanda D’s pussy lips, and he has been mulling around the idear of a Duran reunion. I honestly think this would be the best thing to happen to Duran in the last 10 years, since we couldn’t have a number one hit even if we openly admitted getting ass-fucked and changed our name to N’Stank! The best part about John is that he has completely kicked his cocaine habit and is more handsome than ever! (I hear Patty started putting gum in his ass hairs every time she caught him doing a snort..OUCH! ) So without further pause, please welcome Mr. Nigel John Taylor!! ::::John walks in looking like something out of a a Lynard Skynard tour book:::: John: Hello friend. Hello to all of you out there! ::::faintly in the background a high pitched, choppy-accented voice is heard:::: (DEMON!) Simon: Hello my salty scrotum! It’s been way too long my dear old friend. John: Uh, Si, it was just last week. Simon: :::sighs::: Yeah and I can still smell the doody on my penis too …. John: Simon, what? What did you just say??? ::::a sound of a glass being shattered on the floor and a grunt is heard::::: (REHAB REHAB!!!) Simon: Err.. um…nevermind that John, how the fuck have you been?? John:
Well I have been acting a lot lately,
…..been working some for VH1….I have also been… Simon: Yeah Yeah I hear ya, but what about your cock man? How is Mr. Bond…007 inches??? John: :::vaguely laughs:::: Uh, is this some kind joke? Did Nick enter another one of those “see how many you can convert and win a makeup bag” contest again? You aren’t acting like yourself Si… :::::The voice grows louder and choppier with each shout:::: (ELMERS GLUE!!! …….ELMERS GLUE!!!! ::::a very loud farting sound is heard that echoes and ends with a squirt:::: (GODDAMN IT!!! SHITTY SHITBAG!!!! SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG SHITBAG! FUCKER, COCKSUCKING DEMON DRUG HEAD!!) Simon: What the bloody hell is that nonsense? John: I dunno, but I heard a similar voice screaming behind me the whole way here. I just thought it was Marcia out on the street selling her ovum again or something. Simon: No man, that would actually sound like Cindy Brady searching for Katy Carry-All’s underpants…… ::::violent screams are now heard in the distance…:::: (WHY DO PEOPLE CALL ME STUMPY?!?! WHY?! REHAB REHAB!!!! GLUEFUCKER!!!) :::Simon gets up and slams the door shut:::: Simon: Man oh man, what a fucking loon! John: Yeah you should be used to it by now Si… Simon: Yeah and you should be naked by now too!!! ::::::muffled:::::: (TTP=AIDS!) Simon: So Johnson…er…I mean John… Back in 1984 you were interviewed by Smash Hits magazine. In this interview, they asked you what your favourite food was, and you replied promptly and manly “Big Mac” . ::::Simon spreads his legs to expose recently beaded ball hairs::::: Wanna try some of MY special sauce Baby???!! John: Fucking bloody hell Simon, what is wrong with you?! Your nutsac looks like Sade’s head!! You have been around Nick far too long!!
John: Simon Simon Simon, what has happened to you man? You need to get out of that band as soon as you can my friend! Simon: And you need to get out of those speedos even faster, stud!!…..:::Licks his fingers and growls:::: John, don’t you know, that almost every song DD has recorded was about you? Who do you think Hungry Like The Wolf was about?? Ronald Reagan?!?? Although I wouln’t mind eating the yeast bread from Nancy’s kitchen again…. What about Union of the Snake? That was about my shrine to your cock! And in 1988 we dedicated a whole album title to it!! UM HELLO! Big Thing was not about Nick’s asshole !! Shhuhh!! :::::Starts to sing:::: “…..get it up (gyrates his crotch) get it out (pump) get it in time! (pump pump)…” Simon: Then there was that day you wore a kilt to the ‘Liberty’ recording sessions…. I ended up naming the mix we were working on “Throb”. Then there was that one time you were on Mancow’s radio show in Chicago, IL. Remember that one???? Well maybe THIS will refresh your memory Johnny-Boy!! :::Simon stands up, turns around, drops his slacks to the floor and bends over to reveal the word ‘Shepherd’ written in black above his asshole and the word ‘Pie’ written below it::::
:::::John stands up, and immediately starts walking towards the door:::: John: Whatever the fuck you did with my friend Simon I hope you bring him back again one day! You filthy pig-fucker……….. :::::As soon as John turned the door knob, a ear piercing scream is let out by a tall skinny thing that resembles ‘Cousin It’.::::: Ramona: FILTHY FUCKING DRUG USER!! GLUE FUCKER!!!! ::::spit flew everywhere as Ramona started to “tick” when she screamed:::::: TTP..TTP!!! I NEED TTP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!!!!!! DRUG SNIFFER!! DEMON!!! :::::John stumbles backwards and falls down on the floor::::: :::::Ramona jumps on top of him and starts poking him in the eye with her titty:::: Ramona: Die!!! Die!!! I’m EMAILING PATTY IF YOU DON’T DIE YOU SHITBAG SHITTY SHIT SHIT!!!!!! :::she pokes him from left tit to right tit as John lies screaming to the top of his lungs:::: ::::Simon suddenly drops his pants and runs up to Ramona. He grabs the base of his dick and starts whirling it around like it were an iron-link chain:::: Simon: Let go of my man you psychotic whore!!!!! :::Simon let’s go of his cock and it whips Ramona up side her head and knocks out 3 teeth and sends blood flying:::: Simon: Take that!!! :::Ramona wobbles back up and grits her remaining teeth. :::: Ramona: That didn’t hurt me you asshole ..GLUE!!!!!!!! REHAB!!! FUCK----fuck FUCKFUCK!!!!!!! :::::Ramona’s shaggy head starts to shake violently back and forth, making it look like she is made of rubber. She begins to start babbling like a silly child and then suddenly comes to a standstill:::: Voice: Hi!! I’m Chi Chi!! I’m new here and I just want to make tons and tons and TONS of friends!!!!! I love everyone here! Does everyone love me!!?????
Chi Chi: My name is Chi Chi Glubona, and that is no way to welcome a new Duran Duran fan from Spain!!!! I’m gonna email Patty about this!!! :::::Turns around to see John on the floor, knocked out and eyes bleeding::::: Chi Chi: What did you do to John!! I’m telling!! Your penis killed John!!! FUCK PATTY, I’m EMAILING KATY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Simon: Aha!!! I knew it was you the whole time Ramona-beast!!!!!!! ::::Ramona jumps up into the air and starts wobbling back and forth looking like Peppermint Patty on crack:::: Ramona: I’m gonna KILL YOU SIMON LE BON!!! BON BON!!! BON FUCK!! FUCKER!!!!!!! :::::Ramona suddenly bites into Simon’s dick and starts shaking her head back and forth like a mad, rabid dog. She yanks his cock with her teeth so hard that it starts to slam him side to side::::: Simon: Oh my bloody God HELP!!! Someone get this bitch off of me!! My cock!! My cock!!!!!! :::::Ramona, with Simon’s cock still in her teeth, jumps up into the air and body slams Simon::::: Simon: heeeeeeellllllllllp….mee e ee eee……….!!!!!!! :::::Suddenly in the distance, the theme song to Wonder Woman begins to play as sounds of whooshing and clanging draw closer to the interview room::::::: Ramona: What the fuckkity glue fuck!?!?!?!? AIDS-DJBUTTJELLY!!!!!!!!! AIDS AIDS AIDS!! I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM FOR AIDS QUEENS!!!!!!! :::::The door instantly blasts open to reveal Nick dressed in full-tilt Wonder Woman attire, twirling a baton in one hand and holding his other hand under his cape. He high kicks 3 times, spins around and hand claps under his knees. He stands up totally straight, bends over and holds the baton behind his ass:::: Nick: A one! A two! A one- two- three- four!!!!!!! ::::Nick let’s out the most hellacious fart known to mankind that instantly ignites the end of the baton on fire like some KISS stage trick! He twirls the baton up in to the air and catches it behind his back. He pops his gum, gives a half smirk and glares at the Ramona-beast:::: Ramona: FA FA FA FA FAGGIT!!! HOMO SHITBAG FAGGIT!!! EMAIL!!! PATTY!!!!! FAGGIT TTP AIDS FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!! :::::::Nick slings the lit baton and starts to smack Ramona in the head:::::::: Nick: Shut (smack) your (smack) UGLY LITTLE SHE-BEAST MOUTH MISSY!! (smack! smack! smack!!!!) ::::::Nick suddenly moonwalks backwards about 5 feet and stands on one leg and lifts the other one into the air like a Flamingo::::: Nick: Roses are red Violets are blue Just like your brother You shall die from glue!!!!!!!!! :::::With that, Nick reveals a 32 oz. bottle of ‘Elmer’s Glue’. Still on one leg, he pops open the top and starts to spray the roach-faced cunt head to toe with the glue, stopping her dead in her tracks as she becomes paralyzed by the stickiness:::: Ramona: DEAD!! DEAD!!! COP!! BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP BOP ..PATTY!!! FREAK!! FREAK A ZOID!!! FUCK SHIT FUCKER!!!!!! :::::Nick stands with both legs together, feet pointing outwards. He lifts his hands like a ballerina and slowly squats, allowing gusts of air up into his mongo-bunghole. He stands up quickly, and the air rushes up to his cheeks. He repeats and repeats until his entire body looks like Leigh on an eating binge diet::::: Nick: :::snaps his fingers 3 times::: Wretched cunt may I have your attention please! :::Snap snap!::: By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you a lying, psychotic, delusional, troublemaking, backstabbing, ass-kissing, bigoted, hateful, spiteful, BITCH FROM HELL!!!!!! :::Nick spins around and bends over, looking as if he is about to explode::::
SUPER
QUEEF! :::::Nick holds the fire covered baton between his legs as he spreads his ass cheeks. Resembling the atomic bomb that dropped on Hiroshima, Nick let’s out his super queef sending a wall of fire on top of the glue-covered Ramona. The fire sprays for seems like 20 minutes, until all the air is out of Nick’s colon and he falls down to the ground, weakened by the disastrous attack on Ramona::::: :::::Sounds that could have come from the Exorcist movie start emulating from what was once Ramona’s mouth. The laughter and cries from what seems to be hundreds of people spew, left and right from the She-Beast’s mouth. Within an instant, Ramona is reduced to a pile of ashes, and the steel plate in her head falls with a thud sound on the floor:::: The dust settles….. Simon and Nick start to move around…… :::::Simon starts to wakeup from his wounds, still unbalanced, but able to get up and start undoing John’s fly:::: Nick: Simon!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! That is just not right!! ::::Nick rolls over and smacks Simon’s hand:::: Nick: You silly hefty gal….you know it’s just not right to start slurping his wee wee without letting me clean his kitchen too!! NOW MOVE OVER HEFFER!!!! :::::Slurps, farts and moans were heard for hours afterwards. Patty just called, John has been MIA for 3 days now. If you have any info regarding his whereabouts, please email her immediately:::::: |
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Oh!!!!
Simon:
Simon:
Simon:
Nick: