BBMak
The hell? There are three of them. They're male and British. They seem to be unable to decide if they want to be a boyband or a pop-rock combo.
The sound: 3T meets Evan and Jaron
Who picked the act: JC. He figures he can write songs for them. And maybe hook up with Mark.
Do they suck? Not really.
Sample tune: Still On Your Side.
3LW
The hell? There are three of them. They're female. They're short. The production company came up with both the clever name and the idea for the group. Can we say manufactured? Who cares. They can sing.
The sound: Destiny's Child/Dream hybrid.
Who picked the act: Justin. He keeps asking if they can hook him up with Nas.
Do they suck? Not at all.
Sample tune: No More. I much prefer the Nas remix, personally.
Tonya Mitchell
The hell? She's managed by Lynn Harless. Do you really need more info? Oh, okay. She's from Tennessee. She was discovered by, get this, Justin's grandfather while she was singing at a children's hospital. Grandpa hooked her up. I think there's some rumor that she used to date Juju, but I might be making that up.
The sound: Trailer park bland.
Who picked the act: Justin's mom made him.
Does she suck? I like her single. Have no further opinion.
Sample tune: Broken Promises.
Christina Milian
The hell? She sings the hook on Ja Rule's "Between Me and You". Her debut single, "AM to PM" is supposed to be out. Or is supposed to drop soon. I'm not sure. She might not actually exist. It's all very mysterious. She's a dark horse. She's Cuban-American. She's eighteen.
The sound: JLo's daughter by Ricky Martin's cooler straight brother.
Who picked the act: JC? Lance? Someone who either thinks he can sell crappy songs to her or someone who thinks he can push her to stardom. Your choice.
Does she suck? Well, no, but then I've only heard nineteen seconds of her voice, so.
Sample tune: Ja Rule's "Between Me and You". I couldn't find anything else, people.
Eden's Crush
The hell? Are you living under a rock? The female version of Otown. However, they seem to suck significantly less. Also, it's deliciously retarded that NSYNC rags on OTown but hires Eden's Crush. The power of boobs, man.
The sound: Spice Girls on acid.
Who picked the act: Joey, of course. "Guys, they're hot! And there are a bunch of them! And two of them look sorta like twins!"
Do they suck? Sort of. Sort of not. They have fucking cool shirts.
Sample tune: Get Over Yourself. It grew on me when I wasn't looking. It's Bitch Pop. Yay!
Dante Thomas
The hell? He's a protégé of Pras of Fugees fame. Oft compared to Stevie Wonder and Jamiroquai (Because those two have so much in common, yo), Dante hails from Salt Lake City. Geez. I didn't know they had music there. I'd like to show you what he looks like, but, get this, I couldn't find a single Dante Thomas site. Not one. That boy needs to hook himself up.
The sound: D'Angelo meets Tom Green. Even I have no idea what that meant. Sorry.
Who picked the act: Justin? Justin or Lance. Not sure. They probably don't know themselves. Because they're not sure what he looks like. "Uh, guys? Who… which one of you okay'ed this Dante guy?" "I thought you did, Justin." "Uh… no." "Huh. Did anyone….?" Maybe this Dante guy figured he'd just show up and it'd all be cool.
Does he suck? He can sing. He just sings about stupid things.
Sample tune: Miss California. "She's a rich girl, from the top of the food chain".
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