Why Polyamory?
There's a lot of both real-life and fiction stories about someone in love with two people, or two people in love with the same person. Then there's also the movie There's Something About Mary, where everyone seems to fall in love with the same person. The big conflict in stories like these is determining which person will get to be with the other person. Monogamy is always assumed in these stories. Is monogamy really the only option, though? I don't think it is.
I don't mean to suggest that polygymy, which is a husband having more than one wife, or polyandry, which is a wife having more than one husband. These two different unions still exclude other possible relationships. What if two or more males or females want to be in a relationship?
Probably the first thing that might come to your mind is that getting into a relationship like that and calling it "polyamory" is simply a thin disguise for lots of sex. Well, if you want to be careless about who you sleep with, and are independently wealthy and therefore do not have to worry about jobs, bills, or whatever, then that might be the case. In that case, however, whether you are actually in love with whoever you're sleeping around with is probably debatable.
In my view, at least, people do not have to always be in love with more than one person to be polyamorous any more than someone always has to be in love with one other person to be monogamous. The potential has to be there, however, recognized and accepted for what it is. I say it has to be recognized and accepted because polyamory isn't for everyone. I have seen people on the e-mail discussion lists I have joined who are aware and accepting of other people's polyamory while still admitting that it's "not for them." That's fine. It doesn't have to "be for" everyone. Polyamory is a very personal aspect of a person's self, just like monogamy is. I'm not sure if a person can really determine which is "right" for them unless at the very least they are aware of both lifestyles and are able to seriously consider the idea of simultaneously falling in love with more than one person, and the decision they would make.
I think I could fall in love with more than one person at once, personally, though I currently am not. Falling in love is a very serious thing, and I'm not actively out looking for the right person or people. Being male, I'd probably be looked at with skepticism even by other people who are polyamorous. It's an unfortunate reality, I think, but it's one I can understand. Guys are typically considered to think with their penis as much as with their brains, and it's understandable why that image exists. Plus, I have an idea of love that it's more elusive the harder you look for it. There is one person I'm in love with, and right now it's hard enough for me to keep my nerve around her, so my shyness might also slow things down for me in the "many loves" department, even if I was actively looking.
Anyway, this isn't exactly the essay I had in mind when I started this page, but I hope it's useful to someone as something more than filler. Please, though, no matter how you feel currently, keep an open mind. In a planet full of six billion people, there's going to be a few who are different from you.
Here's a couple of websites you might be interested in for further reading. I wish they had some special images I could use to link to the sites, but oh well. Maybe I should join a web ring.
Polyamory.com.
alt.polyamory.
Back to the Polyamory page.
Back to the Alternative Lifestyles page.
Back to the main page.