Once upon a time, there lived a below average princess, named tea. In an average kingdom, she was, and remained, a below average princess.
She met someone; an above above average prince, called Stu. I could be usually corny, and say he was a "creature of hidden beauty", but that would not be true.
Tea did not know what was hidden, and this bothered her; it was her main concern. Scared to show she noticed, scared to show she cared. When she tried to tell him, it seemed he did not care. Drawing letters on the wall, was a way in which she did not fail.
This is not her story, it is his story too. This is a story about the princess that was scared of being used. Abused. Sexually, of course. This is about a princess that thinks he only stays with her so he can win his mental bet. What bet? That is the question. Only he can answer. She lived unhappily, till now, till she got it out. Till she drew those letters on the wall. Not confused, i hope. I hope i'm not. This is about a princess that's crying on the inside. And out, as she can feel him around her now.
...
I feel like i am dying here. People keep saying they love me, how can they love me? They are so much better than me. I am crying. I can feel my heart falling apart. Falling through my fingers, as these tears fall from my eyes. My tears are acid. They burn through my skin. Leaving behind the skeleton of a girl with too many thoughts.
I feel such things for things i do not know. For things i have not touched. For things i have not smelled. For things i have not heard. Yet i feel such things for one i have touched, have smelled, have heard. You know this can only lead to confusion.
Feels like sitting on the moon. A jewish girl, in a nazi world. I am choking. An air of emotion sweeps through me. The skies cry with me at night, the stars are dripping quicksilver. I sit in my room; my breath becomes heavy, as the wind whistles through my palace. There are no doors. It is a kingdom with no end. There is a passage to the core of the earth beneath my bedroom. I visit there when i feel sad. My tears fall relentlessly into the flowing red rocks; feels like people repeating stories to you, yet you can't tell them you've heard it all before, because you feel bad, or just don't have the energy; if you tell them, you regret it, that look on their face, leaves you dead inside.
You know i love you, you say you love me too. You know i care for him, he says he cares too. I like it when he touches me, to feel my bare stomach against his when i breathe, to fall asleep in his arms. I haven't felt your breath against mine, i haven't touched your skin, i haven't kiss your lips, i haven't cried over the way you look when you sleep, who knows if i'd feel the same?
...
Y'know when you build things up inside your head? - Like the millenium, such an anticlimax. Well, the one i love, maybe i dont love him as much as i thought i did...
There was a magical ball in the palace, Stu was there, yet he wasn't my partner for that evening, he went with his mother. I looked around, and there he was: the one that i love. He caught my eye quickly, shining in the corner, he stood. I walked up to him, so slowly, trying to see if he would recognise me, and i spoke. Suddenly, his light went out, he no longer shone: he darkened this corner. I stood there drowning in this darkness. I felt like dying.
If this was a cartoon, a light bulb would have soon emerged in a white bubble above my head. I soon had a moment of realisation. Y'know, that point in time when you think "oh fuck. what the fuck have i been doing for so long? why have i been doing it?"
Things often dont work out the way you think they would work out, or even the way you want them to work out. Judging people before you truly know them seems like such a bad move. "love" i used to easily. "love" i take for granted". "love" i know nothing about. Or do i? Maybe i love Stu, and i just haven't realised it yet, i dont care, i'll know when i know, i should not rush such things on.