The
Princes Underground
by the fisherman
There are things that teachers, preachers and parents tell little children to
stop their young minds from wondering or asking too many questions; for instance
that babies are brought to parents by a stork. There are other things however,
that parents do not understand themselves, and so they make up things to account
for them, so that they dont look stupid in front of the children. One of these
such made-up things, is the explanation for molehills.
Molehills
are not created by moles. No they are not. Moles are indeed burrowing creatures
that live in the ground, but should a mole ever feel the need to go above ground..
he uses an old rabbit burrow, or a manhole to make his exit (each mole is issued
with his own set of manhole keys, which he leaves hidden in bushes, and that
is why moles are never found carrying manhole keys. Also, this is why when you
fall drunk into a bush at night, you always seem to acquire bruises, even though
the bush appeared to be soft and cushioning). Those little piles of earth that
you often find in farmers fields, or sometimes even in your garden, are in fact
created by the Princes Underground.
Princes are very special people that are very precious. Everybody knows that
Princes have lots of important parties and functions to go to, and that everywhere
Princes go, they are mobbed by thousands of screaming girls who want to marry
them in order to become a Princess.
These
days, Princes can travel by road or air to get away from the screaming girls,
but years ago, long before the invention of helicopters and aeroplanes and other
such transportation machines, Princes had a real problem getting to their parties.
And so, the Princes Underground was created to solve the problem.
The
Princes Underground is quite different to the London Underground, so it is important
to describe the two. The London Underground is a series of tunnels, in which
special underground trains carry people about. Well, it would be quite silly
to have tunnels and trains to take Princes to every single party and function
place in the whole of the world. That would simply not do. No, the Princes Underground
consists of a very clever, Underground Submarine. Now, an Underground Submarine
is powered by a mechanism which is far too complicated for children to understand,
and this is partly why it is kept a secret from them until they are old enough
and wise enough to understand. Inside the submarine, there is a special device
for detecting screaming girls. The driver of the Princes Submarine uses this
to find the place where the party or function is to be held, as there are of
course no maps of underneath the ground for him to find his way around with.
As screaming girls always congregate around the places where Princes are to
be found this is usually a very good method of locating the party or function
that the Prince wishes to get to. Sometimes though, the Princes Underground
Submarine driver can get a little lost. If this is the case, he uses the submarine
periscope to have a look what is above the ground to see if he knows where he
is, and it is this is what creates a little pile of earth, that adults call
a 'molehill'.
Now, you might be thinking that this is a lot of rot, because Princes nowadays use helicopters and cars and other such transportation devices for getting about to parties and functions in. However, there is one Prince that still uses the Princes Underground, as he is so very handsome that he is frightened that if any screaming girl should see him through the window of a plane or a car, she would tell all of the other screaming girls about his very handsome looks and he will be chased forever by the screaming girls. But of course, as nobody knows about the very handsome Prince, there are never any screaming girls waiting for him at the secret parties and functions that he goes to (which of course are only attended by other Princes and Princesses). So, the very handsome Prince is forever getting lost in the Princes Underground Submarine and it is he which creates all of those little piles of earth that we call 'molehills'.