PRINCESSES
by Helen Dawson
You never were a prince. I know that now. She never was your princess either. You knew that all along yet you let her believe that maybe, just maybe she might be, one day. She never really believed that; but still she let you take her in her arms, steal kisses as if each were the first. She lay in your bed until night turned to day and day into night. You let her give herself to you, her purity, her innocence as if she was the only princess in the world. She was too young, too foolish to survive in your world. She fell for the princely words, your crown, your smile. You made her feel as though someone could see the princess within her. But your palace came crumbling down and she saw that it had been built of dreams and fantasy. She was left with reality, it was harsh and cold. You werenÕt the prince she had seen and the princess she thought she had been had never existed to you. You'd encouraged her to pretend, to build a special world between you that was founded on lies.
Of course you never lied.
But you never faced the truth either. You tried to protect her from it and it grew, a dirty secret, festering, until it had to explode. You weren't gallant, you weren't brave, you couldn't let her see the truth. You say you didn't want to lose her so you watched as she fell for your hollow charm, created princely garments for you, placed a crown on your head. You took each of her gifts knowing that you couldn't, wouldn't return them. And you expected her not to cry? Not to weep herself into sleep and wake, hair stuck to pillow, skin sore from salty tears?
She was happy. You made her so happy and you say that you were happy too. If you'd wanted it you might have made it last, you didn't want to though. Her happiness was false but you let her believe in it far too long. I know she wasn't totally deceived but she thought that maybe you would be sincere one day. You only play games though. Why indulge her in her dreams when you knew that she wasn't what you wanted? You kept her for yourself all this time, hoping for another, more beautiful, younger princess to come along that you could start your games with again. You know you can't give your princesses what they want. You liked it when she made you feel like a prince. You thrived on her adoration especially when you knew you didn't deserve it. You made her feel special but now she just feels used. Used, dirty and discarded. Nothing you did with her was special, you can do it all again with anyone else, she's replaceable. She would have done anything for you, but you do nothing for her.
How could she let you deceive her for so long? Why did she go on letting you get close to her, so close that she trusted you with precious secrets?
I loved you this morning. I don't love you now.
In a moment she saw who you have been all along. Selfish, lost, deceptive, foolish, oh such a fool. She knows her misery is yours now. She deserves so much better. Her honesty, her love is worth so much more. It's your turn to suffer and you'll only ever suffer if you go on hiding from reality the way you have been.
I want you to survive. I want you to be happy.
Catharsis.
But I don't want you any more.
You'll find your princess. You have to look in the right place and maybe she'll be there. As for me I don't have to cry over you anymore. You were never who I thought you were. I don't respect you as I used to. Your crown slipped and fell to the floor and I'm not going to pick it up for you.
There never was a prince and I know I was never your princess.