21st
CENTURY PRINCESS
by Tony Burroughs
The year was 2030.
A 48 year old man named Tony was sitting at his desk reading The Sun,the only newspaper to survive the great newspaper war of 2015. On the gossip column he read about the death of rock star Nicky Wire, and it was just reported on the news that Richey Edwards had appeared for the funeral after being missing for 35 years. Apparently he was never gone he just hid under the manics lead singer James Dean Bradfield's shirt, which explained why he had put on a lot of weight when Richey left.
Anyway whilst Tony was thrilled by the news, he had a lot of problems on his mind, mainly about love. He had just recently divorced his 6th Wife after she complained that he was playing too much retro music that was so 99 and he was not playing all the modern stuff that was in the charts such as the new genre that was being a hit with teenagers Afro punk fuzzle pop .
Whilst Tony was
walking home after having a stressful day at the office he was thinking whether
or not he would ever find true love. He had, had so many failed marriages that
he was not far from topping himself.
As he walked down a lonely alley in Soho, he stopped at a bar to get himself an injection of heroin to ease the pain. (Heroin had been legalised since 2025 when Lord Noel Gallagher leader of the unoriginal musicians party got into parliament. What has this got to do with princesses and princes I hear you well wait and see.
Whilst in the bar,
he was just about to shoot up when he saw a vision, like an angel. A woman with
long brown hair started walking towards him. It was like love at first sight
and Tony put down his needle, in amazement.
" You shouldnt
do that" Said the woman
"I know"
said Tony, "Im just so depressed and down."
"You
dont know who I am, Do you?"
" Erh no" replied Tony
" Well I am Princess Michelle"
" Well
I thought the royal family had you abolished, when Revolutionary Mike Keelin
shot them all dead in 2018"
" What makes you think I am a British princess?" Replied Michelle,
"I am actually princess of the magical Island Luppolo" "Where
the fuck is that" said a pissed off Tony
"Oh its hidden in Pacific ocean, why dont you come and live there with
me and my colony, I hear you need cheering up and my island will do that, everything
will be free and you will never have to work again"
Tony thought he had nothing to lose and princess Michelle was a babe, so he got on the next Houblon (a new fast helicopter) and landed in Luppolo.
When he got there the sun was shining and Michelle looked gorgeous that night, Tony stayed in her palace in a chamber room which was air conditioned and he had all the food and alcohol he could have, but what he wanted most was Michelle. So during the night he left his chamber and sneaked down the corridor to her room, he slowly opened the door and to his surprised and dismay, Michelle was making love to a very butch man, Tony was heart broken and knew he had to get this bloke out the way.
The next morning
whilst at breakfast Michelle called him aside,
"Tony I know
you saw me and Brutus at it last night"
"Yeah sorry, it wont happen again he said nervously."
"OK then shall we never speak of it again"
As Tony went out
to the only non polluted beach in the world, he thought about Brutus, first
he thought what a shite name, and then he thought of a way of getting him out
of the way. What he planned was to make Brutus go mad and drive him off the
Island. So Tony literally got in to a car and drove Brutus off the Island and
threw him to the sharks.
Mad you might say but after six failed marriages Tony was a fuckin psycho.
After Brutus was off the seen Tony made his move on Michelle and they made passionate love for the rest of their lives and lived happily ever after.
So ok, I hear you
ask, why did Michelle not wonder where Brutus went and how come Michelle fell
in Love with Tony so easily, well basically its a fairy tale and its not meant
to make sense.