We're gliding with a speed of 20 knots over the ground - 3000 miles under the sea-level.
There's hardly enough room in this little submarine for my wife and me. Captain Jacques
Cousteau is standing next to us with a beautiful red Plummel-cap on his head. He wears
yellow socks and a diving suit, designed by Jean Paul Gaultier.
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The scarce triplex glass-plane, only 0.03 inches thick, separates us from the floods of
the ocean. A gleam of sunlight illuminates the sea for a few nanoseconds and there we
see........... a ray! He glides majestically with a span of 26 feet through his preserve.
There are two cleaning-fishes on his back, one is carrying a dust-pan and the other
one a broom. We pass a coral reef and my wife shouts: "Hooch! It's so beautiful! Just
look at that! And those corals, how well mannered they are sitting there!" Then we
see common crab, who's on the way to his work: the crab is a teacher and he carries
a briefcase that includes a straightedge. He needs that as a weapon, when the kids at
school get nasty again.
An old bottle offers herself in a fabulous negligé, which consists of stirred up sand. But
suddenly a moraine shoots out of the bottle! Accommodated by the little moraine-child.
The two are swimming to the elementary school. This scene is so touching that my wife
has to cry. Even Cousteau nibbles at his pipe with tears in his eyes.
We arrive at the Japanese coast, where the pearl-fisher are bustling, equipped with a
charming smile on their lips. The pearl-fishers are able to dive more than 20 feet -
without shoes. They do all this for old women from Holland and Germany, who want
to hang such pearls around their necks. Their husbands have to pay for this all, but
they do it, as the pearls are able to make any old lady to look somewhat tolerable.
The men would otherwise not be keen on them. It's always the same old story: the
women hang the pearls around their necks and the men START TO PECK! That
is an uncontested fact.
We sink to the ground and reach the deepest spot of the world: the Marian-valley -
7700 miles under the sea-level. There is nothing , but silence and darkness. Captain
Jacques Cousteau takes a flashlight out of his diving-pants and illuminates the
sea-ground. There we see something for the first time in our lives: KRILL! Krill
is the favorite dish of...... the gray-whale! And there he is! A huge Kawentz-man:
30 meters high, 70 meters wide, 400 meters long and 2000 meters heavy! It is the
gray-whale they call "they Gray Whale". He swims up to our little submarine. The
hair of my wife and also mine stands a bit on end, Cousteau's Plummel-cap is on
alert. Suddenly we hear in the news that gray-whales are NOT dangerous for
humans, since they are friends of nature. The gray-whale is particularly fond of
the grassland around the Victoria-lake, where the gnus live and Nguruguru, too.
The gray-whale brought some buddies with him: a killer-whale, a seal, a diver,
whom the gray-whale met in the streets of Philadelphia, and a refrigerator, kept
inside his belly. His friends are allowed to take beer out of it from time to time.
They are all totally drunk, that's why my wife and I are getting worried. Cousteau
is scared, too. His wide opened anxious eyes tell me that he would rather want to
tear out his own entrails and then eat them, while he sits on a grave-stone, looking
at some girls........ what a mean fella! He's a real rascal, real roguish rascal!
Our journey is almost over and my wife and I are very hungry. In the evening we
get on the board of the "Calypso" to have an abundant meal - it consists entirely
of dog-shit. That is a speciality from the Italian Riviera. The people say that my
wife and I haven't deserved anything better. Well, well.........
Hooch! Cousteau wanted to have a walk on the sun deck, but he slips and then
falls into the sea. Suddenly a shark appears and eats him. His Plummel-cap is the
only thing that remains. There it swims away........ This inspiration makes to throw
my wife into the water, but....... she's able to swim. She gets on board again with
a smirk on her lips and a pearl-necklace around her throat - that makes me hot.
But while we're coupling, I notice something else: a box that swims beside our
ship. And in this box...... I can hardly believe it........ but yes, it is Ernest Hemingway!
There's another box, inside of it there is....... Huuhuu? No! It is Noam...... I won't
dare to pronounce his full name. Another box....... it's impossible, but yes, it is
Gérard Depardieu! Then the next one: Leonardo da Vinci and Leonardo Di Caprio
in one and the same box! And finally myself: the president of the United States
of America and my wife in a wooden box. No, that must be dream...... and so I
dissolve in a tinge of slight fog...........