What does that mean?

My wacky vocabulary

I have a large vocabulary (I know a lot of words), but I don't use many of them often, because they don't come to mind and I prefer not to sound like a nerd by using a lot of big words. So here are a few terms I use often that you may not find in the dictionary (some you may know, some maybe totally unfamiliar):

• Toss: Verb. To masturbate. "If that's the way it is, then I have nothing to do but go home and toss." (See also: Tosser, Wanker, Jerkoff)
  
  Source: British slang (It made it into my personal vernacular from the episode of Daria which included the Spirit of Guy Fawks Day, as with tosser and bollocks).
  

• Tosser: Noun. A person who masturbates. Also, a lame person, a loser. "Awwwww, but proms are for tossers!"
  
  Source: British slang
  

• Bollocks: Noun. Bullshit. "I'd say.... BOLLOCKS! But that's just a reflex response." Also, bollocks can refer to testicles.
  
  Source: British slang
  

• Leet skills (also, 1337 5k1llz): (Pro?)Noun. Extreme abilities that make the owner kick ass at something (computer games, playing an instrument, fighting, pleasuring members of the opposite sex, et cetera). That which makes one rock. Also, which makes one a Stone Cold Bad Ass Mother Fucker. "Fear my leet skills!"
  
  Source: Internet Quake player's lingo, as defined in part by www.PlanetQuake.com
  

• Rock: Noun. A lame imitation of rock'n'roll. Verb: To be very good, to kick ass. "Art Alexakis fuckin rocks!"
  
  Source: Ubiquitous American teenager/college student slang. Also, a common term used on MTV's Sifl and Olly Show.
  

• Stone Cold Bad Ass Motherfucker: Pronoun. A person with leet skills. Also, the real employee of tha month. "He's a Stone Cold Bad Ass Mother Fucker, give him his space."
  
  Source: African-American "gangsta rap" slang. Also, The Onion's "Herbert 'Tha H-Dog' Kornfeld" articles.
  

• Jerkoff: Noun. Someone who sucks; an asshole. Note, however, there is a difference between a tosser and a jerkoff. "Tipper is a jerkoff."
  
  Source: Generic American youth slang
  

• Asshole: Noun. Someone who doesn't realize how badly they suck. Also, any member of the PMRC. "Hey, don't ask to fuck his sister, asshole!" (See also: Butthole, Ass Cowboy, Rear End Admiral, Asswipe, Butt Plug, Rump Raider, and Butt Wrangler)
  
  Source: Generic American youth slang
  

• The real employee of the month: Noun. A Stone Cold Bad Ass Mother Fucker. The person who does all the real work. "I be the REAL employee of tha month."
  Source: The Onion's "Herbert 'Tha H-Dog' Kornfeld" articles
  

• Need some tissues: Verb. To have bodily fluids in need of being cleaned up. "He's got three stacks of Playboys in his room? Man, he's going to need some tissues."
  
  Source: Unknown; believed to be found on a Web site parodying a section of deathmatch.com...
  

• Wanker: Noun. A mischievous, uppity person, a rascal. "What did that little wanker do this time?"
  
  Source: British slang, commonly used in Tank Girl comic books
  

• Kick ass: Verb. (To be) very good, to rock. "Guild makes kick ass guitars, but they're too expensive for the likes of me."
  
  Source: Generic American youth slang, also from MTV's Beavis and Butthead
  

• Punch the munchkin: Verb. To masturbate. "When I saw that article abou Christina Ricci, I almost punched the munchkin in my pants, right there."
  
  Source: Obscure American youth slang; I don't think I've ever heard anyone else use the phrase "punch the munchkin"
  

• Boff: Verb. To have sex with. "I bet you would boff Brad Pitt if someone paid you enough."
  
  Source: Generic American youth (for all intents and purposes of this page, 'youth' and 'teenager/college student' are synonymous) slang
  

• Boink: Verb. See 'boff'. "I'd be grinning uncontrollably too, if I were boinking Jennifer Love Hewitt."
  
  Source: See 'boff'
  

• Holy-jeez-I-wanted-to-lick-em: Adjective. Extremely attractive. "Did you see that chick, dude? She was like, holy-jeez-I-wanted-to-lick-em." Also used as an exclamation on spotting an extremely attractive member of the opposite sex, i.e. "Holy jeez, I wanted to lick em! Check that action out!"
  
  Source: Corruption of a phrase used on Adam Sandler's comedy album "They're All Gonna Laugh At You!" (or it might have been "What The Hell Happened To Me?"), as used by Jordan Ceccerelli
  

• Crescent Fresh: Adjective. New, unusually cool, fresh. "Punk rocker chicks are so crescent fresh..."
  
  Source: MTV's Sifl and Olly Show (I have never heard the phrase "crescent fresh" used anywhere else in my life, except by myself and people who also learned it from watching Sifl and Olly, or from me)
  

• Floats your boat: Adjective. Makes you happy, yanks your crank, et cetera. "Whatever you say, Heather.... whatever floats your boat."
  
  Source: Heather Locklear's opening monologue/gag on Saturday Night Live, circa 1994-1995 (the context: Heather had just been going around the studio, talking to cast members and acting as though she was having or had had steamy sexual affairs with most of the male cast members, and she had just been ditching all the others, ultimately for Canteen Boy, played by Adam Sandler, who first uttered the phrase 'whatever floats your boat')
  

• Plow: Verb. To have sex with. "Dude, did you see that? I coulda plowed her just now if I wanted to!"
  
  Source: Generic American youth slang
  

• Plow the back forty: Verb. To have anal sex with (a person of either gender). "Dude, I'm not even gonna go there. I heard Shannon Hamilton plowed her back forty."
  
  Source: To my knowledge, I first coined this phrase: I've never heard anyone else use it before.
  

• Waste flavor (flava): Verb. To point out someone's mistakes, or make them look or feel stupid in front of people. This is a similar but lesser offence to a 'cock block', but wasting a guy's (especially a friend's) flavor while he's trying to score with a chick still counts as a cock block, and should be punished accordingly. "Daaaamn! Why you gotta be wastin all my flava??"
  
  Source: "Can't Hardly Wait", circa 1997.
  

• Whatevah!: Exclamation. What the hell is that? Screw you! Whatever, piss off! "Then lata I'm at the pool hall, and this chick comes up to me and she's all like, 'hey aren't you that dude' and I'm all 'yea WHATEVAH!"
  
  Source: MTV's Sifl and Olly Show.
  

• Represent: Verb. To come correct, or tell it like it is. To be yourself, and refuse to play by anyone else's rules. "Yo! Suckas betta represent, y'all!"
  
  Source: African-American "gangsta rap" slang.
  

• Biznatch: Noun. Corruption of 'bitch'. "She be a mothafuckin biznatch, yo."
  
  Source: African-American "gangsta rap" slang.
  

• Breeder: Noun. Derogatory word for a heterosexual, especially one that reproduces at an excessive rate (such as Bobbi McCaughey and her goddamned wretched Septuplets). "I hate breeders."
  
  Source: Homosexual slang, also, The Misanthropic Bitch
  

• Cock block: Verb. To prevent a guy from getting laid in any way, intentional or no. One of the most heinous offenses a guy can inflict on another guy, punishable by severe verbal battery. "Dude, what the fuck was with that shit, man? I was gonna get some and you fuckin cock blocked me! You owe me, motherfucker."
  
  Source: www.GuyRules.com
  

• Uh-huh: Noun. Any drug, especially crack or other particularly addictive substance (not necessarily controlled). "Hey man, you got any uh-huh?"
  
  Source: Me. You see, Pepsi supposedly contains 'uh-huh', and I have a Pepsi problem, so I think 'uh-huh' is a slang word for an extremely addictive drug.
  

• ...likes to look at Phil's balls: Adjective. Is gay; is a dork; does socially inappropriate things. "Hah, Jon likes to look at Phil's balls." Verb: to do something sexually questionable or socially inappropriate. "Way to look at Phil's balls, dingus egg! You're never getting any now."
  
  Source: The Tom Green Show
  

• Salty chocolate balls: Noun. Any tasty food item. "Got any salty chocolate balls around here, man?" "Yeah, I got some donuts this morning, you can have one."
  Source: South Park
  

• (The) Junk: Noun. Any body part inappropriate for public exposure, especially male genetalia. Also, any recreational substance. "... so he was like, walking around with no pants on and his junk was hanging out..." "Chicks don't act like that, 'cause they don't have the junk." "Oh, he was all wacky on the junk."
  
  Source: Adam Carolla
  

• The Plague: Noun. Any serious or debilitating disease, especially sexually transmitted.
  
  Source: Me
  

• Drop science: Verb. To use multi-syllabic words, demonstrate one's impressively extensive knowledge of a particular subject, impress people with your intelligence and vocabulary. "Yea, the suckas didn't know they Linux, so I had to drop some science on em, y'know, cold lay it out and break it down."
  
  Source: African-American "gangsta rap" slang
  

• The Happies: Noun. Herpes, especially genital/sexually transmitted herpes.
  Source: Adam Carolla
  

• Snog: Verb. To kiss, especially with tongue, to make out with. "My dad would crack the royal shits if I snogged a guy in front of him."
  
  Source: British slang
  

• Ride the ganja train: Verb. To be under the influence of marijuana or hash, to be stoned. "Heh, you're ridin the ganja train, mon!" (this phrase can be endlessly permutated, in such forms as "the conductor of the ganja train", meaning the person who's house you're smoking out in, "the ticket taker", being the person you buy your ganja from, and "derailing the ganja train", meaning something that kills your buzz.)
  
  Source: The Drew Carey Show
  

• Kitty: Noun. Vagina. "...me and my kitty..."
  
  Source: Ami
  

• Snog the kitty: Verb. To perform oral sex on a female. "...and he snogs my kitty, anytime I want."
  
  Source: Me

If you have any questions, I dare you to write me.