Ill rhymes
(Well, most of them don't really rhyme)
So I just got back from a week in Santa Cruz (Blah). The week wasn't as debaucherous as I hoped: I didn't do any partying or fuck anyone or anything. But I squeezed off a couple rolls of film, and wrote a buttfull of poems and the occasional journal entry. I don't usually keep a journal, because my life is too boring to merit documentation. But here are some of my poems. If you're offended by my figuratively pouring my soul out onto these pages, I refer you to my disclaimer: Fuck off.
Journal entry, 6/28/99: ... I saw a dude who looked like Kurt Cobain at the Golden Arches today. His hair was too dark, though. Perhaps I should put my crack in a pipe before I smoke it, rather than just heating the vial.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Blue black waves
Wash me away
I'll float away from the sand
Empty people float better
The beauty of not feeling
is that you don't feel as much
only the aching vacuum inside
I'm not afraid to die
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You don't care about me
Why should you
I'm the punk rocker kid
You wouldn't want sleeping with your daughter
you claim empathy for the sake of imgae
so you don't look cold
But you really only care about yourself
I'm no different, really
but I don't pretend to care
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I wish I could love
I'd like to feel something else now and then
something other than hate
disconnection
envy of an ignorant happiness
fear
loneliness
the feeling of wanting to rip someone out of their skin
of being too smart for my own good
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
You can't kill me
I'm already dead
on the inside
I'm only a shell of skin and bone
that bleeds
Blood pours out over a dead core
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I don't get along with people
They don't like how I tell the cruel truth
I make them think, and they don't like it
About how harsh and unfair the real world is
They prefer their nice happy little suburban world
I don't blame them
But I'd rather find my way in the real world
This is why I'm disconnected
I prefer to accept reality as I see it
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I'm always bored
Feel free to use me up
Fuck you all
You don't care a flying fuck
You don't know what you want
You say you do, but you're a liar
and a whore
You want a pretty boy
who will fuck you hard
and beat you harder
Bitches, man
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
People make a second skin for themselves
out of lies
They bury themselves in fabrications
because they're too weak to be true
Too weak to accept themselves
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
One of the cute girls recognized
me. Then ignored me.
What the fuck? She said hi, and then said nothing else.
I hate teenagers, especially girls. I wish I didn't want to
fuck them.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Life is hazardous to your health
That's why I smoke the reviled cigarettes
You can do everything doctors say
if you like
Cholesterol makes food good
I once told a punk on the street that smoking would kill him
He told me that "life will kill you. Cigarettes only speed up the process."
Wise words
What's the point in living if you can't enjoy your self?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Big man
you're so obviously in the closet
Real men don't need to show off
You macho motherfucking cocksucker
You call me a faggot
and threaten to beat me
Because you're a scared little boy
You're scared because you know how
much better I am than you
You're lucky I don't have a gun
Otherwise I'd blow your ignorant
homophobic
wife-beating
fudge-packing
macho man face off
You won't be so fucking manly
on the ground
trying to find your eyes
crawling in the dirt until I put you down
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Back the fuck off
I won't do a fucking thing for you
I don't need you
to disconnect
You make me need to disconnect
I hate being like you
My own humanity often disgusts me
I hope you fucking die
I'll come to your funeral
Just to piss in your casket
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
You don't need me
I'd treat you like a goddess
You don't want to be respected
and adored
If I bitchslapped you and
made you suck my cock
You would crawl back for more
You stupid little whore
Fuck you bitch
Doesn't that make you wet?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's 12:36
Technically a Thursday morning
I dunno
Fuck it
Dead End
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Suburban sprawl
I'm alone in a crowd
Fuck everyone
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The night is darker around here
Less fake light
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
It's cold
Why am I out here?
She's probably taken
Or some shit like that
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That's all for now, I'm sure that was more than enough.