New! I realized
recently, that as much of a stupid macho thing as it is,
I have to admit: I like guns. The mechanics that make
them work are interesting, sharpshooting is a fun
challenge, and no doubt I have a childish fascination
with things that go 'bang'. As much as I dislike people,
I'd really rather not ever have to even point a gun at a
living thing, especially not a person. I would if I had
to (like if it was me or them), but I'd rather stick to
shooting inanimate objects. And I'm all for gun control,
not just any idiot should be free to stroll in and buy
any tool of death he can afford, and law abiding
civilians don't really need high powered assault rifles,
but on the other hand, I support the 2nd Amendment.
People need to have access to weapons to defend
themselves. If only the police and military and criminals
(the assholes in the NRA have a good point: if guns are
outlawed, only outlaws will have guns. The police don't
seem capable of stopping the black market arms trade, and
until they do illegal weapons will be available) have
guns, regular law abiding citizens will have no way to
defend themselves. The police could become grossly
corrupt and do whatever they damn well please, because no
one is gonna stand up to someone better armed and better
trained.
I want to make a living as a rock'n'roll
musician (Good luck; I'll need it).
I played bass guitar for three years,
from ages 13 to 16. I took lessons, and kind of mastered
it (not that I'm a real badass or anything, I just
stopped getting better) and moved on to guitar. I've been
playing guitar for a year now, and while I don't have
Jimi Hendrix skillz or anything, I can play heavy power
chords tuned down to C and shred like a bastard. I've
since gone back to the bass
I currently play a Fender Mexican
Standard Strat, with a Boss Metal Zone pedal, through an
old Peavey Audition 15 amp. On bass, a Fender Mexican
Standard Jazz Bass, and a Fender BXR25 amp, soon to be
replaced with an SWR Workingman's 15.
I'm a wannabe songwriter. I'm a wannabe,
because I can barely put a song together.
I do almost everything right-handed (write,
bat, pitch, play guitar, etc.)
I masturbate left handed. Is that bizarre
or what? I think it's pretty odd.
I tend to get confused relatively easily.
I think it's because I smoked too much pot as a freshman.
I enjoy getting stoned, but I don't like
it enough to keep buying weed and risking getting put in
the juvie hall. I'm not tough enough to handle that kind
of shit.
I am a very non-violent person. I don't
think violence is inherently wrong, a lot of times it's
pretty necessary, but I personally am no good at it, I
can hardly beat up anyone who isn't significantly smaller
than me.
I am also extremely non-macho. I feel no
need to prove my manliness, because I don't consider
manliness a positive trait. Men are fucking idiots, and
I'm sometimes even ashamed of sharing a biological
designation with them. I guess technically I'm a man, but
I wouldn't call myself one. I prefer to refer to myself
as a 'guy' or a 'dude'.
I refer to people as "dude" a
lot. I guess that's to be expected, since I'm from
California, and the Bay Area, no less. Lotsa hippies
around here.
I don't like hippies, they're annoying,
but they don't bother me nearly as much as other people.
I don't like my peers, generally. In my
opinion, most teenagers these days are vapid, gullible
twits. Specifically, teenage boys are macho, violent,
homophobic wannabe gangstas. And teenage girls are
manipulative, conniving whores, or are just functionally
retarded/brain-dead. So I consider myself lucky whenever
I find another teenager with a brain.
- There's a difference between rock and rock'n'roll.
- I'm a guitar geek. I love instruments and I'll collect
them even if my livelihood has nothing to do with music.
- Considering my misanthropic attitude and that I don't get
out enough, my overactive teenage libido is really a
curse, even moreso than usual for a teenage guy. At least
normal teenage guys usually have better chances of
getting chicks.
- I drink a lot of Pepsi. I know, corporate soft drinks
still suck, but I love this stuff. I have about a 3
dollar a week habit, and if I go for more than about 5
days without drinking Pepsi (Coke will slow things down,
but not much, it's like substituting methadone for heroin),
I get the shakes something fierce. Well, that's an
exaggeration, but I do start having withdrawal symptoms.
- If I couldn't be a musician and make a living, I'd kind
of like to do something else in the music industry, like
produce records or be an A & R guy for a record
company. A & R would be cool, travelling all over the
country looking for cool bands to sign. The main sucky
thing would be dealing with slimy music industry people
and having to go to clubs and see shitty bands.
- I consider abortion and capital punishment sacraments.
Human life is not sacred, it never has and never will be.
In the former case, killing a fetus is simply not as
harmfuly to society as incompetent, unprepared idiots
going around shitting out kids. In the latter case, many
people simply don't deserve to be allowed to continue
existing. They're little more than diseased animals and
need to be put down before they can harm anyone else with
their sickness. But don't think I mean lethal injection
by 'put them down'. On the contrary, I'm against the
lethal injection because I think it's pansy. If someone
has done something heinous enough to warrant death, a
little squirt in the arm (after it's been swabbed with
alcohol and everything: if you're gonna be a pansy, at
least let the fucker get an infection for the last 10
minutes of his life) isn't going to phase them. I'm a fan
of the firing squad myself; it's fairly quick and
effective, but it'll hurt for a minute or so until the
bullet holes bleed out. But sometimes, more old-fashioned
methods are appropriate: lynching, beating, stoning,
electrocuting, beheading, all that good stuff. If you
don't believe me, check
out this article on Tuoni's site . If this Stephen
Lavalle fucker deserves to live, I don't want to share a
planet with him. If they don't kill him I will myself.
I'll find him and go Eric Draven on his ass.
- I've often considered becoming a prison 'capital
punishment facilitator' or whatever they call an
executioner these days. So I can legally ventilate some
of my hatred of my fellow man.
- While as a rule I'm not a violent person, it's a definite
possibility that I could be provoked severely enough to
just completely lose my temper and start battering the
life out of some poor son of a bitch. I'd do it on live
national television too. Broadcasting violent 'real-life'
executions of criminals would bring in some major
ratings, and hence advertising dollars. Goodbye, national
debt.
- I usually refer to my parents by their names, rather than
"Mom" and "Dad". I refer to them in
the third person as "my mom" or "my dad",
or sometimes "mother" or "father".
But when I'm talking to them, or about them to someone
who knows who they are, I call them by their names. Adam
DiCarlo said that it might be because I don't love them
or respect them or something (I don't much). But
considering that I've occasionally referred to my dad as
"Homer", no doubt it was a notion I learned
from The Simpsons.
- Considering what a lightweight I am, I seem to have a
strong liver. Last time I drank I had one shot of
Southern Comfort and felt nothing. Tasted like piss
though. It'll take a while before I get fond of drinking,
though I probably will eventually.
- The manliest trait I have is that I think I have a big
dick. The statistical average is 5 and a fraction of an
inch, and it's bigger than that.
- I've come to like sports (baseball, football, jock stuff
like that; I even own a baseball game for my PlayStation),
but I don't take them very seriously. I draw the line at
professional wrestling though, I think that shit is just
silly and gay-looking. Have you ever WATCHED pro
wrestling? Half of the holds and shit they do look like
Kama Sutra gay sex positions. That would be cool if it
wasn't surrounded by so much macho aggressiveness and
violence.
- If I had a chick, I would spend money on her. (For
example, if Lizzie started staying with me and shit, not
only would I do her, I would hang out with her
afterwards, and if I had cash, I would buy her lunch....
since I'm both cheap AND a no-budget punk rock guy, it
would probably be Taco Bell though. That's how cool she
is).
- For some reason, late at night, I often develop a slight
form of temporary insanity. I just want to have a massive
fit, screaming and bawling my head off, crying aloud and
pounding holes in the walls with my fists. I'm moody as
fuck.
- I have a lot of trouble sleeping, so I've been known to
stay up for upwards of 36 hours straight. My family
thinks I'm a fucking psycho.
- I am extremely single.
- I have absolutely no taste, culinarily speaking. I hate
haute cuisine (I believe that fancy gourmet food is more
about showing off how classy and sophisticated you are
and how much money you have than just having a good meal),
and I believe that the best things to eat in the world
can almost all be eaten without the aid of utensils. I
have always preferred fast food to home cooking, as long
as I can remember. Especially Taco Bell, I love Taco Bell
because it's cheap, especially for a scrawny little punk
like myself, I can eat a big meal there for no more than
4 bucks. If I have more to spend, I'll go for Arby's or
something. My all-time favorite food is French fries.
- I swallow.
- I know I'm not gay, but I may be bisexual, depending on
when you ask me. As of now, I love chicks only, but only
physically, I still think most of them are feckin idiots.
- I like homosexuals better than breeders, because
homosexuals, in my experience, simply aren't as
insufferably imbecilic as heteros. I often almost wish I
were gay so I wouldn't have to worry about the idiocies
of chicks, but it's out of my hands. As stupid as they
are, I want them anyway.
- I collect punk and ska records. You know, records, those
big black vinyl discs your dad has? I'm not a total snob,
I do own CD's (in fact, they're a lot more convenient
than records; I'd like to see you play an old Black Flag
7" on your computer), but I think records are cooler
and in a way they DO sound better.
- My parents are still married after 25+ years. I'm one of
the only people I know who's parents are still married.
This may explain why I'm such a freak.
- I think guys who wear make up are totally bizarre. I
myself may start painting my nails black though, just to
be a total freak.
- I'm an extremely finicky eater, this is probably a major
reason why I'm 5'9" and weigh less than 120 pounds.
If it weren't for the fact that most of the stuff I'll
eat is riddled with fat calories, I'd be totally
emaciated. And as it is, I have the body of an anorexic
European fashion model.
- I rarely smile, except if I think of something funny. I
only smile if I have a reason. (hot chicks count as a
reason).
- I'm not the Elephant Man, but I'm definitely not an
attractive guy either. I think of myself as the kind of
guy who only gets a lot of hot-looking chicks if he's a
rock star or something, if he has it going on. Good thing
I want to be one anyway, coz if not, then I'd consider
myself lucky to be able to keep a cute girlfriend around
without repelling her in some way.
- It's probably good that I wasn't born a chick, coz I'd
probably be a slutty little tart, simply because I could.
- I play a lot of computer games. I grew up on old
Commodore 64 and Nintendo games, and now I play a lot of
computer games. I have a Playstation, which I don't use
much. Resident Evil kicks ass though, I wanna get the new
RE3 Nemesis.
- I'm a Gemini.
- I often wish I didn't need to sleep, but I do, so I like
sleeping. If I can get away with it, I'll sleep 10 to 12
hours a day, and during the morning rather than night;
I'm a night person.
- I'm one of the only guys who has not only seen Titanic
repeatedly, I actually LIKED it. I didn't think it was
hot shit, but it was good. The effects (especially in the
movie theatre) have some definite "holy shit!"
value, Leo DiCaprio (who IS an attractive guy) has many
of the amusing bits of dialogue, and Kate Winslet has
nice tits. These three things make it worth watching.
Other than that it's overhyped crap.
- I'm a skeptic. I think most people who try to sell me
something, especially something I haven't asked for, are
slime who are trying to get ahold of my cash in exchange
for their piece of shit.
- I can stay in one place doing nothing for surprisingly
long periods of time. Ironically, I have a short
attention span usually.
- I have a Peter Pan complex: I don't wanna grow up. I hope
to remain a semi-responsible, fun-loving man-child for my
whole life.
- Beavis and Butthead is one of my favorite TV shows. Along
with Daria (I wish I had a girlfriend like Daria; except
that she wouldn't put up with my horny-bastard self among
other things), Sifl and Olly (of course), South Park, Tom
Green, and Drew Carey.
- I'm not at all a perfectionist. I'm occasionally very
anal-compulsive about tiny, trivial little things, but I
usually have a sloppy punk rocker attitude. I say,
whatever works.
- I have a small comic book collection. I am not a comic
book geek, I was when I was like 12, but I got bored
because the Comics Code is too uptight. You can't print
shit in a mainstream comic book, like an issue of X-Men (one
of my favorites). I've long wanted to write comic books,
but I can't draw so that idea was scrapped.
- I have an incredible memory for quotes and dialogue from
movies and TV. I make references to episodes of Saturday
Night Live from 1994 and old movies like "The
Goonies" and "Willow" and shit like that.
They call me Danny Mnemonic.
- I'm very bitter and lonely. I really hate guys who are
like 14, 15, and they've gone through half a dozen
girlfriends and fucked twice as many chicks. I want to
kick them in the face.
- I especially hate Punk Rock Jackie's boyfriend James. The
little fucker's 14, and he has this older punk rock chick
all wanting to jump his bones. I fucking hope he realizes
how lucky he is to be such a pimp. When I was 14, no
chick would touch me. If a good looking, hip, older chick
like Jackie made a move at me, I would be delirious,
fucking freaking out about it. Shit, when I was 14, I
doubt I could've actually finished the act, I probably
woulda chickened out before I actually had sex with
anyone.
- I like being touched (I mean in more of an affectionate,
friendly way than a sexual way) by a pretty girl as much
as I like being fucked by one.
- I think Adam Carolla should be elected President of the
United States. Have you ever listened to Loveline on the
radio? It's way better than the MTV version, they have
more time to deliberate and make fun of stupid callers.
- I usually kick ass on tests, including the standardized
ones that most people get the shits over. But I can't be
bothered to do the rest of the work in class usually, so
I've gotten bad grades most of my academic career.
- I used to kick ass in school when I was small, but when I
was 8 or 9 I lost interest and stopped turning in
homework and stuff.
- I think homework is ethically wrong. It's bad enough
schools waste 6 to 8 hours out of every student's day on
their shit, expecting them to take it home with them and
invading their personal time like that is criminal.
- I'm a night person. I'm writing this right now at about a
quarter to 4 AM.
- My family and close friends call me Dan, but I always
introduce myself as Daniel. I just think it sounds
better, and I can't use Danny coz I used to hate it when
I was little.
- I dislike talking about my childhood. It's embarrassing,
I was a stupid nerdy little kid.
- I'm religiously atheistic. I simply cannot believe in any
kind of God when the world is as fucked up a place as it
is. If I ever own a car, I will have a Darwin fish on it.
Evolution is God.
- Conversely, I often use epithets like, "God preserve
us all", "May the Lord have mercy on your soul",
and "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!" I don't
take any religion seriously.
- I hate fundamentalists with a passion. I cannot abide by
them, I have absolutely no patience for their shit. They
are typically worthless to me. It's a little scary how
much I hate, really.
- I'm good at Monopoly. I can almost always beat my sister
at it.
- I think all chicks should try to look like Christina
Ricci. Whether she likes it or not, she's a role model.
Much better for impressionable young chicks body images
than some fuckin scrawny-ass model. I hate skinny little
bitches. I like bitches with hips and nice round asses
and big tits a lot better.
- I have an annoying tendency to take things at face value,
without taking the time to think and take them with a
grain of salt. I hate it, cos I think of myself as pretty
laid-back, but I'm way too easily ruffled.