Hate mail from a Stupid Teen Girl

She (sexy_skater_chick@hotmail.com) said: "I don't want to be mean...but I was  reading your messges from a long time ago.....you seem REALLY mean!!! what is your god damn problem!! Atleast you could be nicer!! and to think I was going to give you a pic of my best friend Sarah!!! Well anyways.......I didn't want this to sound mean but anyways....you could be nicer!! and you can stop it with  the swearing too!!!

I said: "Y'know what? Go play in traffic. My problem is that I don't like people, especially other teenagers, and you don't really interest me, you're more or less exactly the same as 20 million other probable N'Sync fans. My respect has to be earned, and you don't earn it by telling me I'm mean and using way too many exclamation points (and not ending questions with question marks. Don't they teach you kids ANYTHING in school any more?)

*heavy sarcasm* Ooooh, I'm real fucking sorry now, I don't get a picture of your friend to add to my collection of whack-off material. Maybe I'd be more interested if she weren't a Back Door Action Boys-listening sheep. Sorry if I'm being 'mean', but the lot of you seem too goddamned normal, you're just like everyone else and it bores me to tears. You just don't get where I'm coming from, I think because you're narrow-minded and accustomed to being told what to think by the public school system, and your parents and friends, and the government, and the mass media, so your capacity for independant thought has been atrophied by being part of the crowd. I hope you're a conformist because it's all you can do, rather than just because you're too weak to stick out and be yourself. I can understand if you're naturally a sheep, but if you're actually capable of forming thoughts that differ from the mainstream consciousness, but don't, that's just pathetic.

No shit, I could be tons nicer. I could be a goddamned New Year's angel of light. But that doesn't cleave with me. I'm a pessimist, I find that if you're nice to people for no good reason (good reasons being that they're your friends, or you stand to gain something by currying their favor), they'll usually just use you. And even if they don't, there's no point in being a sap and trying to act like the real world isn't a gruesome, brutal, fucked up place where no one gives a flying rat's-ass fuck about you. People suck, and you're not really any exception, you've yet to give me a reason to respect you at all. As far as I'm concerned you're some stupid teen girl who thinks I'm not very nice. Well get in the fuckin line, I'm not a very nice guy. So you might as well leave me alone until you have something different to talk about that might garner you a little respect. (If you don't wanna that's alright, this is fun ripping on you.)

Wait, I'm sorry, am I being 'mean' again? Am I using words that are too big? Is your head hurting from these elaborate foreign concepts? I suggest you deal with it.

I can stop with the swearing, eh? Well, thanks for your fucking permission, Colonel God! I don't need you to tell me what words to use, wench. I'll say anything I goddamned well please. Good day."

Amused? Just sent me some more hate mail, and maybe I'll post it with my sarcastic riposte on this page.