Mason met Derek in the hall - people were gathering around the altercation between Malcolm and Don, which seemed to involve something Don said Malcolm said about Nicole... these things never were worth fighting over, Mason thought. She muttered it aloud and then looked over, wondering if there'd be blood, wondering why people always gathered around and pushing aside the answer that first came ... with a firm thought of no, people aren't like that. And a little tiny "that's just me" whispering beneath.
She looked for a way through the crowd and slipped between two freshmen whose names she didn't know yet - there weren't many of those - and ended up bumping into Derek as he moved into her path. She thought he'd done it on purpose; she didn't normally bump into people. She took time to look him over; she knew who he was, but she'd never spoken to him past a ritual greeting. He was a senior, but he'd been new last year - transferred from somewhere or other, his parents moving to Virginia. He liked the right kind of music, but he lacked some of the connections. She knew who he'd made friends with and they weren't outsiders, but they were borderline. People her friends would turn down for dates, but wouldn't laugh afterward about being asked.
But now, at this moment... he wasn't asking her out; he was silent, his attention seeming riveted to Malcolm and Don, but his body language was asking her for something - and she was responding. She felt very uncomfortable, pressed up against him in the crowd.
Don pushed his way out, and would have gone between her and Derek but Derek pulled her to the side, or rather clung to her, so that when Don pushed past he could not get between them. She pulled herself away from Derek.
"What were you.." she said angrily, trailing off as she saw his expression as he finally looked at her.
"I am sorry, Mason," he said. He let go of her, taking a half step back as the crowd began to dissipate.
She felt a warm flush through her body. It wasn't quite anger. It pulled her to him and pushed her away at the same time. She nodded to him and hurried off to her locker, not wanting him, or anyone, to look at her now.
Mason found herself thinking about him all day. All through class, all through her conversations with her friends, dinner with her parents, he kept coming back to her mind. She thought, could this be what her friends kept talking about when they said they liked a boy... but she couldn't like Derek! of all people. And if she did, why hadn't she noticed before?
-------------
Derek never did ask her out. He just did things for her. Creepy, her friends Jessica and Caryn called it. Just when Mason finished her milk in the cafeteria at lunch, and had half of her tuna sandwich left, Derek quietly set a can of Coke in front of her. When Mason got out of the first day of rehearsals of Pippin, a musical her school's drama club was putting on, she found that her car had been cleaned, and in the cassette player was a tape of the Broadway production with Ben Vereen. She knew Derek had done it, though he never mentioned it, not once. He was courting her.
When she ignored him, he stayed nearby, watching her.
If she told him to leave her alone - and she did, once or twice, just to see - he was nowhere in sight, but he was still busy in his pursuit. Mason found it intolerable and compelling all at once.
Jessica started to be won over by Derek's seeming devotion. "He really likes you, Mason," she said. "He's cute in a way, and he isn't a jerk like Will." Will was the guy Mason was currently paired with - there was no real romance, and Will was fast becoming disillusioned with what he called Mason's ice princess impression. In other words, her virginity. Unlike Jessica, Mason had never had a problem saying "no" to even the popular boys. And unlike Caryn, she'd never been led by heart and hormones and dreams of true love to say "yes" anyhow. The whole idea of sex was repulsive, Mason told herself, and to her friends she said she was too young, and she'd wait till she was in college. They all rather admired her for it, except for Will, who'd thought he'd be the one to change her mind. Three months of not getting anywhere, and the romance of the challenge was wearing thin.
Jessica was right, Will was starting to be a jerk. Mason thought she'd drop him soon; Chip, a senior even more popular than Will, had just been dropped by his cheerleader girlfriend for a college guy, and was available.
Mason mentioned that Chip had asked her to the Halloween dance. Caryn looked impressed. "Mason, that is awesome!" she said. "He is so cute! And he was just with Rachel Sebasco!" Jessica looked somewhat less enthusiastic. "Chip, well, yes he's very good-looking, but Mason, he's even more of a jerk than Will is."
Mason caught an unusual look in Jessica's eyes - something deep and hidden. For a moment it caught on something inside Mason's own deep hidden places - then the look passed. Mason thought Chip had probably come on to Jessica, got her into bed - what a euphemism for fucking her, she thought, for a moment belittling her friend - and then cared not for the fallout. In Mason's own equation, Chip's social capital outweighed Derek's like a tiger outweighed a housecat. In addition, Chip didn't evoke any of the uncomfortable feelings that Derek did. Chip was like Will - Mason didn't care about either of them. They were trophy dates. They looked good on her arm.
Mason smiled too-sweetly at Jessica. "Chip will be nice to me," she said. "I've got something he wants and can't have." She left the subtext hanging in the air; Jessica ceased any protest.
----
Mason took a nap Friday after school. The Halloween dance was tonight, and she didn't want to be sleepy if she was out late with her friends. She woke from a nightmare of paralysis with a huge relief - she could move. She jumped up, quickly showered and changed into her costume. Mason liked traditional costumes. Last year she'd been the ghost of a southern belle, in white powder and antebellum gown.
She pulled on black slinky dress, slim black boots. Carefully draping a towel over her shoulders, she applied makeup to hair and face, making her face pale, hair darker with streaks of white above the temples. Vivid red lipstick and rose eyeshadow and kohl eyeliner completed the effect. She carefully applied the decorative fangs to her canine teeth. Perfect. She looked gorgeous as a vampire.
Chip came to pick her up. He was dressed as a doctor, in scrubs and lab coat with a stethoscope round his neck. Easy costume, borrowed from his father most likely. No, the stethoscope was a fake. But the rest was real. Mason smiled at Chip, showing off her fangs. "You draw their blood, I'll drink it," she said, laughing. Chip laughed politely, shook her father's hand and escorted Mason to his car.
The gymnasium where all the dances were held was festooned with orange and black streamers. Apparently no one could ever think of original decorations. Skeletons hanging in corners, fake spiderwebbing, it was all the same as every year. Mason led Chip over to her friends and their dates, to show off their costumes to one another. Jessica's bunny costume was adorable, Mason told her. Caryn's angel costume was just divine! They all giggled. Caryn told Mason she looked beautiful. Caryn's boyfriend looked at Mason and she could tell he agreed, though he only said, "Almost as beautiful as you," to Caryn, who ate that sort of thing up. Jessica's date wasn't really a friend of theirs, and he kept quiet. He was a senior, and actually he was a friend of Derek's, and suddenly Mason thought about Derek again. She looked around to see if she could spot him.
He wasn't far, over at the refreshment table picking up a few glasses of punch, it looked like. Derek in a jester costume, silly hat with bells on. She turned away from him quickly, oddly relieved he was here. She wondered who his date was. She looked at the guy Jessica had brought, Jamie his name was, and wondered how he'd got Jessica to go out with him. Maybe she'd felt like going with someone she felt able to say no to. Chip excused himself to go say hi to some of his senior buddies. He tried to draw Mason away with him, but she remained with her friends, and he didn't push the issue.
When Chip had left her side, Mason saw Will walking toward her, his face dark with anger. A sophomore girl trailed behind him, obviously his date, she stayed a few paces back. Mason thought she must be judging whether to distance herself from this scene or try to stop it.
"Leave me alone, Will. I'm here with Chip." Mason said it bluntly, not wanting there to be any mistake in her tone of voice or her words.
"Because he got dumped," Will said harshly. "Not because he gives a shit about you--"
"Mason, would you like a drink?" Derek was at her side, she hadn't even noticed him approach. He handed her one of the three drinks he carried, the remaining two in one of his hands, balanced comfortably.
Mason took the drink unthinking, whispering to herself, not even quite realizing it was out loud, "I wish someone would keep him away from me," not looking at Derek, but glaring at Will.
Derek stepped smoothly between Mason and Will. "Would you like a drink?" he asked Will, holding out the two cups. As Will moved to take one, Derek splashed the golden punch onto the crotch of Will's white "pirate" pants. "Apologies," Derek said to Will in what was surely an unapologetic tone, an odd smirk on his face.
Mason watched, suddenly mesmerized, as Will grabbed Derek's shirt, pulling him close, the bells on Derek's jester hat jingling with the movement. "We should take this outside," Derek said. "I don't know about you but I don't want to get suspended." Fighting inside the school was supposed to be automatic suspension, though it wasn't enforced. But Will let Derek lead him out through the gymnasium doors, to the outdoor basketball court. Mason followed, joining the gathering crowd. The feelings she always felt rise when she was about to watch a fight were doubled and redoubled, intensified nearly beyond bearing.
Derek, she thought, is going to be hit; going to be bruised, maybe bleed... for me - because I wanted Will away and I said... Her mind backed away from these thoughts that threatened to knock down some kind of barriers that she desperately tried to shore up. Something compelled her to watch, but she kept her mind blank, carefully not thinking. Burning up inside, but no thoughts, no thoughts.
-----
Later in November 1992
Mason had a surprisingly smooth and easy breakup with Chip, two weeks later. She told everyone it was no big deal, that they'd both been on the rebound and he helped her get over Will, she helped him get over Rachel, and when that was done there'd been nothing left. Mason was admired for her depth. She cultivated this, though certainly her acquired pop-psych wisdom wasn't any true indication.
Once she was officially single again, several guys started pestering Jessica and Caryn for news of who Mason might favor now. Jessica told them Mason was not interested in anyone, rather apologetically for their evident disappointment; Caryn was more circumspect, and merely told each eager questioner "Not you." Derek, of course, didn't ask.
Finally, after it had become no longer something she wondered, but something she knew, Mason confided in Caryn about her feelings for Derek. Well, some of them. The discomfort, the constant distraction. She held back the things she feared more. She told Caryn those parts of what she felt that Caryn had been confiding in Mason for years now. Caryn's reaction didn't surprise Mason any.
"Well it's about time! But Mason... Derek? I mean, why Derek and not Chip? Or .... well, there's no accounting for Cupid you know!" Caryn stood excitedly then flopped down on the sofa in the den at Mason's house. "Did he ask you out? Did he tell you he liked you? What happened?"
Mason shook her head. "No... but I can just tell he likes me. He is always ... you know ... " her voice trailed off as she tried to sort out the words she could say from all those that rose to her lips.
"Everyone can tell he likes you. I mean, he's liked you since he transfered to our school probably. Oh I know - you should call him - call him now, that way I can listen in." Caryn grinned. She'd never seen her friend quite so flustered over a boy. She was relishing the turnabout.
Mason took a deep breath. "Call him." The sudden longing to do just that -- call Derek, hear his voice on the other end of the telephone -- nearly overwhelmed her. She let the breath out slowly. "Yes, good idea, Caryn." She smiled at her friend. Caryn handed Mason the phone receiver. She looked at it for a moment then at Caryn again. "I don't know the number. Do you have a phone book?"
Caryn laughed. "What, you mean you don't have it memorized already?" Mason caught her eye and some of the tension evaporated as she laughed with her. "I had Seth's phone number by heart for a week before I got you to tell him I liked him... remember?"
Mason nodded, smiling playfully, remembering. "And probably his social security number too, and his birthday, and ..."
"Uh huh. So, phone book." Caryn reached under her bed and pulled out the slim local white pages, flipping through until she found the name she sought. "P. Avaline, only Avaline in the book. Got to be him." Mason nodded agreement, and Caryn took the cordless receiver from her, dialing then handing it back to Mason. "Here... talk. I'll listen on the other one." Before Mason could agree or disagree, and before Derek could answer at the other end, Caryn picked up the extension phone and twirled the twisty cord around her fingers.
Mason listened to the rings, counting them. One, two, three...
"Hello?" A woman's voice at the other end.
"May I speak to Derek, please?" Mason said in her polite talking-to-parents tone.
"Okay." The woman at the other end called, "Derek, phone!"
Caryn gave Mason a thumbs-up and a smile. Mason swallowed her nervousness and smiled back.
Derek's voice now. "This is Derek."
Mason's mind went blank. "Oh. Good." Caryn stifled her laughter.
"Mason?" His voice was soothing, welcoming, happy. "What can I do for you?"
She felt... it was interesting. She felt as if he were supporting her, making it possible for her thoughts to regroup and her voice to return to normal. She had no idea what to say next, but he would not let her make a fool of herself. She felt a sense of implicit trust, which was so strange between herself and someone she hardly even knew. "You can tell me something." She paused for a breath, then, "Tell me how you feel about me."
"You must have some idea." Derek's voice lowered, as if there were someone near him who he did not want to overhear. "You are the only goddess of my personal religion. My heart is yours. Any other part of me you might want." He stopped, and it sounded like he was afraid. "I hope you find that more flattering than offensive. Mason."
Caryn's eyes were wide and she was nodding, Mason was not sure why exactly. Her head was swimming, but she felt at the same time a strange sense of clarity. "My friend Caryn is listening on the extension." It was both a warning and a gift of honesty. "No, it isn't at all offensive. I," she hesitated a moment before continuing, "like you, and I'd like you to ask me out."
"Thank you," he said, and she was not sure what he was thanking her for. "I am honored." She heard a moment's pause while he thought. "Will you accompany me to dinner and a movie this Friday evening, Mason?"
A real date. "I would love to. I will have to ask my parents' permission, but I'll tell you tomorrow at school if they said I could go." Mason smiled a little at Caryn, who wore an expression of amazement. "Goodbye, Derek." She hung up the phone quickly, not even hearing if he answered her goodbye.
Caryn hung hers up as well. "Oh my God!" Caryn exclaimed, collapsing on her bed.
Mason looked at Caryn, her mind feeling a million miles away. "Hmm?"
"I can't believe you told him I was on the phone. And it totally didn't faze him." Caryn shook her head. "You know, you are gonna have to watch out if you ever break up with him."
There was a warning tone to Caryn's voice at the last that brought Mason back to the here-and-now. "Why's that?"
"'Cause a guy who is that focused on you, he is going to turn into a stalker or something if you don't watch out." Caryn looked up at her bookshelf, pointing at one of the books. "Just like Jamal in 'Lost Paradise.'"
"That's a romance novel, Caryn," Mason said reasonably. "It's fiction."
"Yeah, and Derek was talking like a guy in a romance novel, wasn't he? What makes you think he won't keep acting like one?"
Mason laughed. "Okay, you win." Caryn grinned, and Mason could see that she'd changed the phone conversation around in her memory to better suit her preconceptions of romance. That was fine. Mason had mentioned Caryn being on the line because she'd had a nervous feeling that if she hadn't, things might have been said that she wouldn't want Caryn to hear. The prospect made her feel afraid and excited and other feelings she had no name for, all at once. "I feel so ... mixed up and excited, Caryn," Mason said.
Caryn hugged her. "It's so exciting isn't it? Your first time."
"Hmpf. I'm still waiting till I'm in college."
"I meant your first time in love! But... I bet there's a chance you'll change your mind now, huh? Admit it..." Caryn laughed again and lay down on her bed again, looking up at Mason with a smug smile.
"Maybe." At Mason's answer, Caryn's smile got even more smug.
"God, won't Will be wild when he hears," Caryn said.
A sudden vivid picture recalled to Mason's memory -- Derek fighting Will. Hearing about the date wouldn't do it... but hearing that Mason had succumbed to Derek's charm in a way Will had failed at... that would be more than enough. She whispered, "If you told Will that I had sex with Derek, he'd probably beat him up really bad."
Caryn frowned, her pretty face somehow even prettier in the unaccustomed expression. "Yeah. Mason, you sound like you think that'd be... are you okay?" Caryn couldn't quite bring herself to voice what was obvious on her friend's face -- the idea excited her.
Mason nodded, calming herself forcibly. "Yes, I'm fine. It doesn't matter, it's not going to happen." She changed the subject, and they discussed for a while what Mason should wear on her date Friday night with Derek.
------
When Derek came to pick her up on Friday night, she introduced him to her parents briefly. She did this with all her dates. Derek seemed different while her parents were around, somehow smaller. He was completely polite, though quiet, speaking only when they asked him a direct question or when the rules of courtesy demanded a show of words.
He had borrowed a car, much nicer than the one he drove to school, for the date. She did not ask him from whom. He opened the passenger side car door for her, waiting until she was buckled in to close it and walk around to the driver's side.
"Where would you like to dine, Mason?" Derek asked her as he started the car.
"What are my choices?" she replied.
"You may choose anything, but if you wish to hear them, I can list some I know are good of their kind." Derek looked at her briefly, then back to the window as he pulled the car out of her driveway onto the street.
The moment of eye contact had set Mason's nerves buzzing, not unpleasantly. Too bad she couldn't have him look at her as they drove. "Go ahead and suggest some."
Derek listed three, describing the ambience and menu to the point that it almost made Mason's mouth water. She picked the second almost at random. As he drove, she tentatively put her hand on Derek's arm, wanting to touch him. He did not react much, but she felt the muscles tense under her touch. She stayed quiet and so did he until they reached the restaurant.
As Derek pulled the car into a parking space, Mason asked, "Did it bother you that Caryn was listening when I called you? It was her idea, for me to call you, I mean."
"I am not sure. It depends on whether you mean, did I care, or did it offend me. Nothing you do can ever offend me." Derek put the car into park and set the emergency brake, then turned to look into Mason's eyes again. This time he stayed in eye contact as he spoke, and she felt her nerves surge again, so pleasurably it nearly overwhelmed her. "I meant what I said, and I would say it in front of any witnesses you choose. I worship you. You can do nothing wrong to me, no matter what you choose to do. If you will have me, I am yours." She saw it in his eyes.
She couldn't bring her answer above a whisper, but as she said it she knew she meant it like she'd never meant anything before in her life. "Yes, I want you."
He smiled, like he'd known all along. "May I ask you for something, Mason?" She nodded, and he reached over her knees and opened the glove compartment of the car, pulling out a magic marker. He handed it to her and she looked at it curiously. "Will you give me the honor of marking me as yours? Just... write something, your name or something, on me."
She looked at the marker then at him. "Really?" This was a new one, she'd never heard Caryn mention this kind of thing.
"Only if you wish." He looked like he was bracing himself for rejection.
The last thing she wanted at that moment was to reject him in any way. "I'd love to. Where?"
He smiled and she felt a sense of complete bliss that amazed her. "Anywhere you choose, Mason."
She loved how he said her name. "I love how you say my name," she said. She looked at him and tried to decide where to write on him. She pushed up his sleeve and wrote on the inside of his arm, where the sleeve would hide it, her name in bold print. Mason. The green of the permanent marker showed vividly against his pale skin. She blew on the ink softly to dry it, then touched it with a finger to make sure it would not smudge onto his shirt, before she rolled down the sleeve to cover the writing.
She looked at Derek's face again. His eyes were closed, and his face wore a look of transported serenity. "Thank you, Mason." His voice was soft and slightly hoarse.
"Let's go eat?" She opened her own door and got out of the car, and he did the same.