Nicholas stares blankly at the computer screen, his face a blank. He sits in his computer chair in crosslegged fashion, his hands turned palm upward as they lay, relaxed, on his thighs. Disconnected from outward sensory input, he tries to understand how Mason is feeling - where her heart and mind are. He's confused by her confusion...by her silent, but creeping anxiety... he thought all of them were fairly happy. He wonders if there is some underlying tention he.. just... isn't getting. and the tension grows...
Very quietly, Mason calls, "Nick?" She feels like she needs to talk to him - but she doesn't know what to say. Mason can't see him from where she's sitting, even when she turns her head glancing around... she feels somehow that it's difficult to stand up, but she does, about to go to look for him.
He hears his name being called and slowly lets his senses flow back, one at a time. Nicholas rises quickly, going to look for her. In a hesitant voice, he answers, "Yes, Mason?"
Mason feels a strange huge sense of relief just seeing him, and she sits back down, almost collapsing. "Would you ... come sit with me? I," her voice trails off quietly, "need you..."
Nicholas moves to her side, a worried expression on his face as he sits carefully beside her on the couch. "Of course..." he smiles shyly through his concern, an expectant look on his face. "Is there anything I may bring you?"
"No.... just... just you." Mason puts her hand in his and squeezes it. "I was trying to read. But I just couldn't concentrate... it's like... I was so worried about Miss Semingsworth... that... worrying about her and working hard to make sure everything was ok while she was sick was.... keeping me from worrying about anything else? Does that make sense? And now it's all,..." She looks around like she might see the word she's looking for written on the ceiling or wall.
Nicholas listens quietly while Mason speaks, bringing his free hand up to trace his fingers over her hand while she continues - a nervious habit. He smiles softly. "Coming home to roost?"
"Yeah... that about sums it up." Mason looks at him, quietly, hopefully, almost desperately.
Nicholas shifts slightly, holding his free hand out, looking into Mason's eyes, a calm reflective look in them as he offers to hug her, if she accepts. "What else worries you, Mason?"
Mason looks as if she wants the hug, but she can't quite accept yet, she has to do... whatever it is she has to do, she doesn't know, but she knows she has to do it before she can let him comfort her, or it won't get done, and in the long run it'll come back and mess with her. A simple feeling yet so hard to put into words; she knows she is fortunate he is so empathic that he will understand even if she cannot explain.
"I'm worried that I'll... do the wrong thing... so many things I need to do... I need to set priorities... but I can't... or something... I'm worried that I'll ... slip... but I can't let that keep me locked up in my room for nine months... I have things that need done... but I'm trying to keep out of temptation as much as I can... and... worried about Dad... but I think he'll be ok... worried about Mom almost more... this has been so hard on her... she's supporting him so much it takes it out of her..." Mason swallows audibly, and goes on. "About... well... Constance.. and you... I feel like... I'm not devoting enough of my attention to you, either of you... I hate that feeling...
"I keep doing the first thing that comes up instead of what's most important... I just can't prioritize. When I do have time - it's like my mind goes blank - all the stuff I want to do when I'm busy but can't because I'm busy - I forget or something." Mason looks into Nick's eyes, clinging desperately to the calm she sees there. She is not crying, but her eyes glitter with tears barely held in check.
He nods to himself, as he lowers his arm again, watching Mason with quiet acceptance. Nick makes a brief mental note that Mason is unlike Constance in this regard, and stores it away for future reference. As he listens, he nods, understading how she is feeling. A brief frown flickers over his features at the mention of her neglecting himself and Constance. The frown deepens as he concentrates on what to say - not because he's worried he'll say the wrong thing so much as he doesn't quite know how to express the solution.
He meets Mason's eyes again, a deep, unspoken compassion in them. "It's hard to focus when the heart and mind aren't communicating with one another in the same language. The mind...it wants to move so much faster, to solve the problem without understanding the cause. Often when I feel the two slip sync with one another, I know it time to slow down... to listen to both, carefully. Most times... this works, and I can focus my energies again. It ... tires? to work against yourself."
Mason finds herself calming and relaxing, as she spins the idea in her thoughts, letting it settle in there comfortably. "To slow down, and listen. Listen to myself, inside?"
Nicholas continues to watch Mason with the greatest affection, warmth and calm - a quiet river of emotions. He smiles, nodding. "Yes, Mason. Listen on the inside."
Mason nods, and closes her eyes, and tries to do as he suggests. She hears... her heart murmuring of family... whispering of love for mom and dad, of Nick and Constance, of the child inside her... Mason hears.. her mind whispering .... work... the shelter, the children... the elaborate financial structures supporting it... the mice, her experiments, the search for the truth about what she really is...
Nicholas continues watching Mason, letting the relief of finally knowing what she is feeling wash over him. He smiles warmly, letting her listen to her inner voices. He studies Mason's face while she thinks, resisting the urge to stroke her cheek. She is so very beautiful.
Mason hears... between and yet separate from these.. her blood whispering... whispering of Lucille... love Lucille... whispering.... need... need.
She opens her eyes. "I hear... but.... what now?"
"What do you hear, Mason?"
"Love... concern... need... I hear... " Mason trails off, deciding to give him more specifics. "My heart tells me how much I love you... my family... and my parents... family too... and my... my baby...
"My mind tells me work is important... taking care of the homeless... the children... they need me. if I let that slip... I let so many people down.. and it's all so complex. My mind also... needs to know... what we are, what vampires are, what is going on... very very important to know. to be able to plan..."
Mason swallows. "And my ... I hear another voice... telling me... it wants ... blood... you know... it wants her blood. Miss Semingsworth... or... any in a pinch I guess..." Mason takes a deep breath, letting it out again slowly.
Nicholas listens, his face going blank for a few minutes as he absorbs her words, trying to tackle one at a time. "Constance and I love you very much. You are as much fraction of the whole as ... the supporting struts of a building. No need to worry you are neglecting us. We are always here for you.
"We - you, I and Constance are ghouls. We do not fall into the natural order of life and death as long as we subsist on the blood. Vampires are ... creatures outside the natural completely. Each is different, from what I have observed..."
Mason shakes her head slightly. No, she thinks, she doesn't need answers... she's just telling him what she heard in her mind.
"Ms. Semingsworth is our conduit - our guide into this differed realm of existence." He halts, quieting as Mason shakes her head, and glances at her with soft questioning.
"It's not... I mean... I have to find those answers... myself, for myself... but yes... I'd like to hear what you've observed, but... not now. I mean, each thing isnt the problem. it's all of them at once, you know?"
Nicholas grins, almost boyishly. "Why must they be dealt with all at once?"
"Because, I can't prioritize." Mason thinks about this. "Hmmm.... something's different. Different-better." Mason tilts her head this way and that, trying to figure out what the difference is.
Nicholas nods, waiting for Mason to realize she has her focus back, becasue she stopped worrying long enough to listen to herself.
"I don't know," she says. "Maybe it's what you said before... about when you stop and listen... they line themselves up?"
He smiles brightly. "Yes."
Mason smiles back, and hugs him. "Thank you."
Nicholas hugs her in return. "The calm heart can conquer nations, but they must first start with themselves. I read that somewhere once." He grins happily, loving Mason's warmth and closeness.
Mason snuggles close on the couch, and nuzzles her lips to his neck, kissing him tenderly. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmm."
With Mason so close in his arms, Nicholas wraps his arms around her, sensing her arousal - he feels his own desires rise in response - a joining, a union of shared longing. He thinks about how perfect Mason is - how happy he is to be with her.... be able to soothe and protect her. His lovemaking is more zen than empassioned, tranquil, yet eager to please.
Mason holds passion enough for them both, her pulse pounding in her ears as he brings her to climax. She feels the waves wash over her then break; as they recede, her blood cravings advance, to the point where though she knows Nick's blood will do nothing to satisfy, she craves it anyway. She wonders for a moment if this is how vampires feel... but the intensity passes, and she rests in his arms, content for the moment, aware keenly of its brevity.