It had been a week... she had been out of town, and I had missed her terribly. I had done all my assignments and turned them in promptly... she hadn't had time to read them yet and hadn't said a word about them. Then it was an art gallery opening she went to with her husband and a meeting of her college friends' club.. they still met weekly... she had skipped them before for various reasons, but not this week... and so two days after my return I still had not seen her at all. I was stressing badly. Feeling neglected. Wrote her an email.
Dear Mistress,
Did I do something wrong? I miss you so much, I just want to spend some time with you. What did I do wrong, why don't you want to be with me anymore?
love, your lonely pet
I waited another day fearfully hoping she would come talk to me. She did.
Pet, she said, what do I do when you do something wrong?
Correct me? I asked.
Yes, and discuss what you should do to make things right again.
I nodded.
Have I corrected you?
No, Mistress.
Why did you ask me, then, if you had done something wrong?
Because I was insecure?
Insecure in what?
I hesitated.
Insecure in your trust for me?
I bit my lip.
Do you trust me?
Yes, yes yes yes yes...
Then what are you insecure in?
I just wanted you to tell me I hadn't done anything wrong...
You did do something wrong, pet.
I felt sudden fear... I did, Mistress? what did I do?
What do you think you did?
I... I don't know! that's why I asked you...
You know. Tell me.
I took a deep breath, and looked inward. What had I done. What did I know that I could use to figure it out. I knew that she said she would tell me as soon as I did something wrong. Which meant, she had noticed it when I said "I just wanted you to tell me I hadn't done anything wrong"... which was... saying that what I had written her in the email, was an attempt to manipulate her...into doing what I wanted... and not asking for it outright. It had been dishonest and guilt tripping... I realized... and felt ashamed of myself.
I kneeled in front of her and bowed my head. I'm sorry, Mistress. I wrote you to try to get attention but didn't ask for what I wanted, I tried to make you feel bad so you would be with me, that was wrong... I apologize and will try my best never to do it again.
Good that you figured that out yourself, pet, she said.
I whispered... around the lump in my throat... thank you Mistress.
What would you consider an appropriate punishment for this?
Tears filled my eyes... I shook my head, having no answer.
She paused a long while, thinking.
I will take my leave of you, pet, for an indefinite period. Until I think you are ready to take the test I will administer to you, to determine if you should remain mine. I will miss you, pet. Please do anything you like to keep me apprised of your progress, and to assuage my lack of your company, you know it is important to me.
I felt numb...completely... speechless...
She kissed my cheek and hugged me, then left.
For a day I wrote scathing angry emails and junked them without sending. For another day I cried on the shoulder of my friend, who told me I should find someone else who didnt have such an ego problem. She's a great friend but she doesnt get it.
Then I calmed down enough to try to think... what would bring her back, what would make her miss me so much she couldnt stay away... tried that for two days... wrote poems, words of love and admiration, told her of my day and everyday thoughts, all the things that had always charmed her about me... and then ... I realized... I was doing it again - manipulating her, or trying - and sighed and shook my head.
I still didn't know what to do to demonstrate readiness. I stopped trying. I just did as she had asked - instead of writing her things to make her miss me, I wrote her things to help her not miss me quite as much... tried to make her as happy as I could while I was missing her, and the effort to please her, even without feedback, did finally start making me a little happier myself. I imagined her pleased and enjoying my efforts, despite my absence from her. But at night... I still cried myself to sleep wanting her.... wanting her back wanting wanting uncontrollably... and dreamed every night of her return, and a final rejection, or a warm welcome back, or a report she had found someone else......
Finally after ten days she returned to me. Sending me an email telling me to meet her that evening, time and place. I arrived to find her already there.
Hello, pet, she said.
Mistress! ohhhh I have missed you so much...
I've missed you too.
She looked at me straight on. If you want me back, here is your task. Make yourself cum for me ten times.
The most I had ever managed before was five. I nodded... very afraid I would fail... but determined...
She sat by me and touched me, gentle strokes as I masturbated the first time... telling me in a soft voice that she would hurt me more as we went along, knowing better than anyone that I grew more sensitive and less desirous of pain as I had more orgasms...
I came easily the first time, and she pinched me, but the pain just aroused me again and the second orgasm was easy too... for the third I teased my clit as she stroked my stomach... ahh that third one was intense, I cried out her name. She smiled for the first time. And took out clothespins.
With the clothespins on my nipples burning in pain after three orgasms... I came for her a fourth time, labored, striving for it... my touch on my clit almost painful in its sensitivity now... she put more clothespins on my body, at armpits and navel, as I brought myself to the fifth orgasm... already in more pain than she usually gave me... she put one on my neck, then two more there, as I struggled to reach a sixth cum.. it hurt more than I thought I could take.. but... I took it... not even begging yet for surcease... and finally came that sixth time... and screamed in the sudden pain from all the pins... begging now please please take them off... please... she took them all off but the neck ones.. and put a clip right on my clit... I screamed again... and kept masturbating toward the seventh.. it hurt so bad so bad as I rubbed the clipped clit... and the pain brought me to the seventh... and through it... and I screamed again as the pain went up up up and she put clips back on my nipples, one under each nipple and she pulled and squeezed the sore nipples... and I tried to make myself rub the hurting clit yet again... trying for an eighth... and it was so sore it didnt want to even approach an orgasm.. but I still had three to go...
She put sharp clamps on the tips of my nipples and I screamed again... and rubbed my clit hard the pain now at least distracting from nipple screaming pain... and thought and thought how much I wanted her and came an eighth time... and tried to scream but was too hoarse my throat aching sore and tasted blood in my throat... and she put clothespins on my inner labia and pulllllled on them and it hurt and I rubbed and rubbed my clit and I tried and struggled and it felt like years and I felt nothing but pain and want and longing and finally I came again totally shattering... and it all hurt so horribly I thought I'd burn up and die... and I had one more to go... and she took all the clips off and said.. one more... all by yourself... if you will be mine....
and I looked at her eyes flowing and said please please please please in hoarse sore voice.... and rubbed... but I was numb... I couldnt feel it at all... I rubbed and touched till my arm was exhausted and I felt nothing... and I begged her please help me please I can't ..... and she looked at me... and I felt like nothing, less than nothing... because I could...she wouldnt ask me something I couldnt do... and I kept rubbing but it wouldnt cum and wouldnt cum and wouldnt cum...and finally I slowed because I was just muscle fatigued and sore and all my will kept me trying but I had to slow... and she got up...
Goodbye, pet... and she started to leave... and ohhhh I was so afraid... and then... out of nowhere it overtook me... I came in a huge rush........ but she had already gone, it was too late............
I went numb again for a moment... then curled up in a ball of blackest despair... then felt her hand stroking my back, so gentle, and her voice low, murmuring, I love you, pet, I'm here, I love you.
I just lay there, sobbing, letting out so much emotion I didn't even understand, as she stroked me. I haven't left, how could I, I missed you so much these past weeks. Here I am. Here I am. I love you. She kept saying quietly as my crying dwindled to flowing tears. And holding on tight. And holding on. And not letting go.