“Kyo! Will you please just swallow this?” Toshiya begged as he held up a
spoonful of cough syrup to Kyo’s face. He was practically sitting in Kyo
’s lap. Kyo sat up in bed, clutching at the bedcovers, trying to lean as
far as he could from the medicine Toshiya was trying to give him.

For three days, Toshiya had fought to get Kyo to swallow the medicine.
And everyday Kyo put up a fuss, begging and bargaining with Toshiya not
to make him take it. Somehow, Kyo always managed to sucker Toshiya into
doing something for him.

The first day it had been letting him sleep in. The second day he’d
talked Toshiya into telling him a story while he went to sleep.
Yesterday Kyo had almost talked him into letting him out to visit
Shinya. But Toshiya stood firm that Kyo wasn’t well enough yet. He was
pleased with himself when Kyo took the cough syrup quietly and fell
asleep.

Toshiya wondered why he put up with Kyo ridiculousness. He was behaving
like a child.

I should just let him skip the damn medicine and leave him to his own
devices.

Toshiya sighed.

I care too much to let that happen.

Toshiya shoved the spoonful of syrupy purple liquid under Kyo’s nose
again. He pressed the cold metal edge of the spoon against Kyo’s tightly
pinched lips.

“Please Kyo. I’m tired of begging you.”

“But that stuff tastes so gross!”

Toshiya sighed.

“But I...” Kyo began again.

“Okay Kyo, what do you want today?” Toshiya asked, rocking back on his
heels.

“A kiss.”

Toshiya’s eyes went wide.

“If you give me a kiss now, I won’t be any trouble from now on!” Kyo
continued, nervously.

“A kiss.” Toshiya mused. “Why a kiss?”

“I dunno...” Kyo blinked. “Never mind.”

“Why can’t you just swallow the cough syrup? Is it because it’s too good
for your health?” Toshiya smiled.

“I already told you! It’s gross!” Kyo made a face, sticking out his
tongue.

Toshiya jumped on the opportunity and lunged forward. He forced the
spoon into Kyo’s mouth. It clinked against his teeth with a hallow
metallic sound. Kyo made another, more horrible, face.

Toshiya laughed.

“You should see you face Kyo!”

Kyo forced himself to swallow the syrup. He grimaced and spit out the
spoon.

“You cheat.”

“It was worth it to see your face.” Toshiya laughed again.

Kyo pouted dramatically.

“Aww, Don’t’ be that way Kyo.” Toshiya smiled. “Come here and I’ll give
you a kiss.”

Are you crazy? Toshiya’s mind screamed at him. You are with Shinya!

It’s innocent. Toshiya replied to himself calmly.

Kyo crawled forward on the futon shyly. Toshiya took his small chin in
his hand and tilted Kyo’s face upward. Kyo looked up at him, his eyes
wide, his body hesitant.

Toshiya suddenly felt hesitant too.

What was he worried about? This was perfectly innocent. Absolutely,
perfectly innoce-

Toshiya leaned over swiftly and pressed his lips to Kyo’s, in a closed
mouth kiss. Kyo’s lips were dry, except for the stickiness of the cough
syrup along the line of his mouth. His lips were much, much warmer than
Toshiya had expected.

The longer they held the kiss, the more heat Toshiya could feel building
up between their faces. He wondered if it was he or Kyo that was
blushing so much.

Toshiya pulled back slowly, ending their kiss tenderly. Kyo was blushing
furiously. Even the tips of his ears were pink. There was a silent
moment until Toshiya laughed again.

“You taste like grapes.”

Kyo giggled nervously.

“It’s the cough syrup.”

“Yeah I know.”

Kyo tucked a loose lock of hair behind his head, his hand shaking
slightly. Toshiya noticed and thought to himself.

Did I do that? Did I make Kyo shake? No. He’s just not feeling well.

“I shouldn’t have done that. Now I might get sick too!” Toshiya smiled.

“I think you’d have it by now if you were going to get it ne?” Kyo said
as he crawled under the covers sleepily.

“Yeah.” Toshiya drew the blanket up to Kyo’s shoulders. “Go to sleep
now. I bet you’ll feel better in the morning.”

“Okay.” Kyo watched Toshiya stand up to leave. “Toshiya?” He asked, as
Toshiya flipped off the lights.

“Huh?”

“Thank you.” Kyo said softly. Then he rolled over in bed and buried his
face in his pillow.

“You’re welcome.” Toshiya replied, more or less puzzled by Kyo’s sudden
softness. “Good night.”

***

Shinya put down the book he was reading and sat up in bed, when he was
interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. He reached for his mobile
phone on the nightstand and pressed the on key.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Hi beautiful.” Toshiya purred on the other end.

“Toshiya!” Shinya said happily. He set his book on the floor and
snuggled down into his bedcovers. “How are you?”

“I’m doing okay.”

“Is Kyo doing any better?”

“Yeah, he’s much better now. I think he’ll be okay for practice now.
Speaking of which, have you heard from Kaoru at all?”

“No.” Shinya twirled a lock of hair around one finger. “I talked to Die
today though.”

“And?”

“He hasn’t heard from him either.”

“I wonder what he’s been doing...”

“Probably that cute chick with the green hair.”

“Shinya!” Toshiya was shocked.

“What?”

“Don’t say that!”

“Why not, it’s probably true.”

“But I-“

“You don’t want him with her. You want him to go rescue poor lovesick
Kyo from himself. Toshiya, life is not a fairy tale.”

“I know that.”

“Then stop wishing Kyo and Kaoru will be together. It’ll never happen.”

“What’s with you tonight?”

“Nothing...” Shinya rolled onto his stomach and cradled the phone on his
shoulder. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too. It hasn’t even been 12 hours since we saw each other.”

“So? I still miss you.”

“I miss you too.” Toshiya giggled. “What are you doing?”

“Right now?”

“Yeah, right now.”

“Laying in bed, talking to my koi. What are you doing?”

“Walking around outside my apartment building naked.”

“And I’m missing this!?” Shinya smiled.

“Yeah. But I’m going inside now. Show’s over people!”

“Hey wait! Toshiya, you aren’t serious, are you?”

“Of course.”

“Toshiya!”

“Okay okay I’m just kidding.”

“Right now?” Toshiya asked. He lay back on his futon and tucked on arm
behind his head.

“Yeah, right now.”

“Thinking about my beautiful koi.”

“You really think I’m beautiful?”

“Of course.” Toshiya paused. “Naturally you aren’t as beautiful as I am.
”

“What?”

“Just kidding.”

“You abuse me Toshiya.”

“Do you really think I do?” Toshiya asked.

“No. Not really. Really, I think you are wonderful.”

“You are wonderful too. And as wonderful as we both are, we had a late
night last night and I think it’s time for bed.”

“But I want to talk to you.” Shinya whined a little.

“We need sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow. I promise.”

“Well, okay. I’ll give Kaoru a call tomorrow too.”

“Okay.” Toshiya made a kissing noise into the phone. “I love you. Sweet
dreams.”

“I love you too. Good night!”

“’Night.” Toshiya ended the call. He lay on his side, one hand
unconsciously curled against his chest. He could feel his heartbeat in
his palm. He wondered if he lay there long enough, if he could feel all
of the warm feelings he felt in his chest through his hand. Talking to
Shinya made him so happy.

The little butterflies Shinya gave him fluttered around his ribcage as
tried to sleep. Thoughts of his lover drifted through his mind as he
finally fell asleep.

***

Kaoru shivered and curled up in a ball when he felt the other side of
the bed sheet lift, letting in the cold air of the room. The bed creaked
as a weight pressed down on the edge of one side. Kaoru rolled over and
opened his eyes. Squinting in the darkness, he could see tousled green
hair and a smooth white back.

The bed creaked more when the girl moved around, sliding on her bra and
shutting the little clasp in front. She leaned forward and groped around
on the floor for a long sleeved sweater. She pulled it on over her head
and stood up, searching the floor for her skirt.

“Where are you going?” Kaoru asked softly through the darkness.

“I have to work tomorrow.” The girl answered back.

“Oh.” Kaoru rubbed at his eyes sleepily and peered into the dark bedroom
again. “Can I call you later then?”

“Sure.” The girls answered absently as she buckled her skirt on.

“Can I call you ever?” Kaoru asked.

“Sure.” The girl answered.

“Can I kill you and feed your lifeless, bleeding body to Kyo?”

“Uh-huh...” The girl mumbled as she finished getting dressed.

“Okay...” Kaoru sighed. He rolled out of bed and tugged on a pair of
pyjama bottoms. He walked to the front of the apartment and stood next
to the door as the girl tugged on her high heeled boots. He studied her
body intently as she did up her laces.

She wasn’t that cute really. She was short too, just like Kyo. Though
she was chubbier than he, they shared the same round face shape. Kaoru
instantly panicked. Was this why he picked this girl out of dozens,
because she reminded him of Kyo...

“Kaoru...” She flicked a lock of green hair out of her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“I...” She took a deep breath. “I don’t think we should see each other
anymore.”

Well that was reasonable. Kaoru didn’t think she had wanted a real
relationship anyway.

“Okay.” He answered blandly. He was still half asleep.

“I just don’t think you really want a relationship right now. I don’t
feel it from you. Besides... there is this other guy, and my parents-“

“It’s okay.” Kaoru stopped her. “You’re wrong though... I do want a
relationship.”

“You’re in love with someone aren’t you?”

“I- no...” Kaoru stammered and denied.

“Sure you are. It’s written all over your face.” The girl smiled. She
stood up on her tip toes and kissed Kaoru’s cheek gently. “It’s been fun
Kaoru. Don’t forget about me when you’re famous, okay?”

“Of course not...” Kaoru mumbled. She flashed him one last smile and
trotted out the door. He watched her disappear around the corner before
closing the door.

I love? Ridiculous. He had given up on his love long ago. He had too. It
was the best thing. He was sure. Very very sure. Very very very sure...
very-

Kaoru walked back in his bedroom and lay down on the bed, sighing
heavily. He had no idea what he was sure of.

***

“Toshiya...”

The voice buzzed in Toshiya’s ear and through his hazy dream as he
slept.

“Toshiya...”

There it was again, that voice. It was soft and deep. It was very sweet
and just a little pleading. But it was pleading enough to pull Toshiya
out of sleep.

“Ugh...” He groaned and opened his eyes groggily. Moonlight poured in
the open window of his bedroom, illuminating the face before him. Kyo
peered at his through the darkness. His face was stark and highlighted a
ghostly white. His dark eyes glittered and his bright blonde hair seemed
to glow.

Toshiya jumped and gasped. He was startled by Kyo’s sudden and rather
ghastly appearance.

“Kyo!?”

“Toshiya...”

“You scared the hell out of me!” Toshiya scolded. “Is there something
wrong.”

“Aa, I’m sorry Toshiya.” Kyo fidgeted for a moment. “Nothing is wrong.
I- I- I just want to- I can’t sleep and I wanted to know if I could come
in here and... sleep with you.”

Toshiya looked at Kyo with heavy eyes. He blinked wearily, once,
twice...

“Sure. Come on. Before I fall asleep again.” Toshiya said, lifting the
edge of his blanket. Kyo smiled and scrambled underneath. He wrapped his
arms around Toshiya, who held him absently.

“Good night Toshiya.”

“Nn...” Toshiya replied before falling back asleep. Kyo smiled and
snuggled closer to Toshiya. His nose almost touching Toshiya’s back. He
could feel the heat of his skin radiate against his face.

Cautiously, Kyo lifted one arm and circled Toshiya’s waist. He held his
breath for an instant, fearing he might wake. Kyo liked the warm feeling
of laying next to Toshiya. He could hear his light breathing and could
feel his delicate ribcage rise and fall under his arm.

He felt...

Comfortable.

***

“What are these for?” Shinya asked grimly, pointing at the five pads of
drawing paper stacked up on the boardroom table.

“Costumes.” Dir en grey’s manager answered.

“Costumes?” Shinya repeated.

“Yes. We are going to have your costumes made at ID-Japan. But they need
concept drawings first. So you need to sit down and give us your ideas.
”

“So, Koike-san, all we have to do is draw them?” Kaoru asked.

“Well.... you’ll have to go in for measurement and fitting later but
yes. All you have to do is draw them.”

“Ne, Ko-chan, can we draw anything?” Kyo asked blithely. Toshiya noted
how cheerful he was today.

“Anything at all- within the laws of physics.” Ken added quickly.

“Neat!” Kyo sat down in a seat happily and grabbed for a pad of paper
and a pencil. The other members likewise followed suit.

After twenty minutes of silence, but for the sound of pencils scratching
on paper, Die looked up and peered across the table.

“I want to see your drawing.” He said to Toshiya.

“Only if you’ll show me yours.” Toshiya answered. Die nodded and held up
his pad of paper. Toshiya did the same and they both broke out in
laughter.

“Mou... Die, you’re going to look like a Nazi!” Toshiya giggled.

“Well you’ll look like a ballerina. At least I will look like a man.”

Die called back.

“I’ll look like a man! Besides, with the amount of make-up you wear, I
wouldn’t be talking about manliness.” Toshiya answered. Then he looked
to his side at Shinya. “Let me see your drawing Shinya.”

Shinya blushed and snapped his notebook shut. He pressed his palms to
the cover, holding it closed.

“No!” He said quickly.

“Why?” Kaoru asked. “Well have to see you wear it anyway.”

“I- uh... Hey!” Shinya shouted as Toshiya tried to tug the book away.
Because he was caught off guard, Shinya released the notebook in a
matter of seconds. Toshiya flipped it open and scanned the pages.

“Hey! It’s blank!” Toshiya pointed out.

“I know...” Shinya said, blushing more.

“Why didn’t you draw anything?” Toshiya asked. “Didn’t you have any
ideas?”

“It- It’s not that.” Shinya’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I can’t
draw...”
He admitted sadly.

“Oh... well that’s okay. Come here and I’ll help you.” Toshiya replied.

Shinya nodded and stood up, planning to move his seat closer to Toshiya
’s, but was surprised when Toshiya held his arm and pulled him securely
into his lap. He pulled the rolling office chair up to the table and
held his arms around Shinya. Then he opened the drawing pad again and
put a pencil in Shinya’s hand.

“Drawing a person is really easy. You start like this.” Toshiya put his
hand over Shinya’s and pulled it, drawing a smooth, egg-shaped figure on
the paper. “See, now that is your head. We can draw eyes.” Toshiya
guided Shinya’s hand once more to draw a pair of almond shaped eyes. He
colored them in, darkening them with the pencil. Shinya began to giggle.

“I see!”

“Okay, now pay attention. Then we draw lips and a nose. And here are
your ears. An then we have Shin-chan’s face!”

Shinya smiled.

“But I’m still bald, ne?”

“Yes yes, but first we have to draw Shin-chan’s pretty body.” Toshiya
moved their hands along the paper. First drawing rough shapes and
smoothing them out into the contour of a body. “Now we are ready to draw
your hair. They drew in a silky looking bob that just brushed Shinya’s
shoulders.

“But now Shinya-chan is naked!” Die pointed out, grinning.

“Well then, the picture is finished!” Toshiya, caught Die’s eye and
grinned naughtily.

“What!?” Shinya exclaimed. “It had better not be!”

“But I like naked Shinya!” Toshiya said. He leaned up and kissed Shinya
’s cheek.

“How would you know!?” Shinya begged. Still not having caught onto the
joke.

“It’s okay Shinya. We are going to draw clothes now.” Toshiya said. He
could help but laugh a little. Shinya was so cute when gets upset.

Shinya suddenly realized that the entire band was laughing at him.
Completely flustered, he crossed his arms on his chest and leaned closer
to Toshiya.

“Okay...” he whispered.

“Good. So what do you want to draw?” Toshiya asked.

With Shinya’s ideas and Toshiya’s drawing help, they had soon clothed
the skinny drawing in a long, lacy gown, accented with roses. Not once
did Toshiya take his hand from Shinya’s, guiding him through each step.

Shinya smiled happily and chewed on his lower lip.

“It’s so pretty!” Shinya cooed. “Thank you Toshiya.” He glanced around
the room before laying a soft peck on Toshiya cheek.

“Not as pretty as the real thing.” Toshiya purred back.

“You guys are so cute, it’s making me sick.” Kaoru said out of the blue.
He looked tired and cross. On his pad of paper, below a rough, dark
sketch of his costume, the page was covered with twisted demons and
flowers. Strange gothic designs chased each other over the page.

Toshiya and Shinya looked only a little shocked by Kaoru’s sudden
outburst. Before either of them could reply, Kyo stood up and pounded
his fists on the table top.

“Of course it would make you sick! You’re just a heartless bastard
anyway!”
Kyo yelled across the table. Die, Shinya and Toshiya all
jumped. Kaoru pinched his lips and stared at Kyo, trying not to let his
body shake with all of the frustration and anger he felt inside.

“You wouldn’t know love if it bit you in the ass Kaoru! And- and-“ Kyo
ducked his head, covering his eyes with his hand, vainly trying to hide
his tears.

Thinking he was sick again, Toshiya ran up to Kyo.

“Ne Kyo, are you all right?” Toshiya asked with concern. He did not see
Kyo’s tears.

“Yeah I’m-” Something in Kyo stopped him from saying anything further.
He stumbled forward and let his body leaned limply against Toshiya’s.
Hiding his face in the front of Toshiya’s sweatshirt, he mumbled into
the bassist’s chest. “I don’t feel well...”

“I’ll take you home, okay?” Toshiya asked. Kyo nodded silently. He clung
to Toshiya as they left the room.

Outside, Toshiya made an apology to Ken, bowing quickly and explaining
that Kyo was not feeling well, before they left the building.

Back in the board room, Kaoru kicked a chair, his eyes filling with
tears that refused to spill. He muttered something about leaving,
grabbed his coat and bag and stalked out of the room, leaving Die and
Shinya on their own.

Ken walked back into the room shortly after Kaoru’s departure. Die
handed him the drawing pads and pencils, thanked him for his help and
excused himself and Shinya before ushering him out of the room.

“So now what?” Shinya asked.

“Go home, I guess.” Die shrugged. “There’s nothing else to do.”