Part 1

Shinya threw another book at Kisaki's head, hitting him squarely in the
temple.

"I hate you!" He screamed.

"You don't really mean that." Kisaki said as he ducked another book and
a magazine.

"Yes I do. I hate you so much and...and...I never want to see you again."
Shinya sobbed.

He had briefly run out of ammunition to throw, and Kisaki took this
opportunity to grab him by the wrists. As he held the unhappy drummer he
spoke.

"Shinya will you please calm down?"

"No, no! I won't." Shinya still struggled wearily in Kisaki's grasp. He
was tired from throwing things and could do little more than squirm as
Kisaki held him.

"C'mon Shinya you are still young. You're just a kid in fact. You've
got your whole life ahead of you."

"You said you loved me."

"And I do, but Shinya, we have to part ways now. I am leaving and you
have to get on with your life." Shinya stopped struggling and Kisaki
loosed his wrists. He circled Shinya with his arms and drew him close.
His apartment was very warm he could hardly feel Shinya's flushed face
close to him.

"I don't want you to leave."

"Just a minute ago you said you never wanted to see me again."

"I lied."

"You'll be okay Shinya, I promise." Kisaki kissed the top of Shinya's
head. Then he tilted his chin with one finger and placed a feathery kiss
on his lips.

Shinya nodded slightly and rubbed his tear-stained cheeks on the sleeve
of his sweater. He would be graduating from high school soon and had
begun to grow out his hair despite protests from the school. The longish
uneven strands of hair fell into his eyes. Kisaki brushed them back
carefully.

"You will be the prettiest visual rocker in the whole world Shinya.
C'mon, I'll take you home." Shinya nodded and sniffled. He grabbed his
bookbag and headed out to Kisaki's tiny black car.

When they pulled up in front of Shinya's house Kisaki put the car in
park and leaned over to Shinya to place one last kiss on his cheek.
Shinya blushed and choked back any more tears.

"I'll see you sometime." He said as he climbed out of the car.

"Yeah I'll see you."

Shinya shut the car door went inside and straight to his room. A few
minutes later his mother knocked on the door.

"Shinya, is that you?"

"Yeah mom it's me." he said softly.

"Are you okay? You sound a little upset. Did you have a bad day at
school."

"No mom, I'm just tired."

"Okay then. Dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes."

***

Toshiya eyed the other band members carefully as Kaoru guided him
around the room. It was his first day of practice and his first real
introduction to, the newly named, Dir en grey.

Kyo, the vocalist was a short little cutie with bright blonde hair.
Toshiya thought he looked normal enough. He found it hard to believe the
stories Kaoru had told him. As Kaoru introduced him Toshiya held out his
hand for a handshake. Kyo looked at him curiously then took Toshiya's
hand in has own two and kissed his wrist. Toshiya didn't know what to
make of it so he only smiled until Kaoru moved on.

Die, the other guitarist was almost as tall as himself but sported a
beautiful mulberry dye job. He has nice eyes, thought Toshiya, but he's
a little chubby. He had a strong urge to reach out and pinch Die's sides
but refrained from doing so. He seems to be a nice enough guy. Die
smiled broadly at Toshiya, showing off his crooked teeth. They said
they're hellos and Toshiya moved on.

Shinya, the drummer, was sulking in the corner glaring at him as if to
ignite his hair. He's beautiful, Toshiya breathed softly, not nearly
loud enough for anyone to hear.

"This is our drummer, Shinya." Kaoru said with a sickening
cheerfulness. Toshiya extended his hand to the drummer, Shinya only
huffed and crossed his arms on his chest. He glared up at Toshiya as
hard as he could.

The smile melted off his face. He met Shinya's hot expression with his
own cool stare. Kaoru took Toshiya by the shoulder and lead him back
outside the studio.

"What's with him?" Toshiya asked, jerking his thumb in Shinya direction
through the plate glass window.

"Shinya has a thing with bassists."

"A thing?"

"Yeah." Kaoru shrugged. "He scared off the first guy who tried out to
replace Kisaki. I guess Kisaki and Shinya were an item and then Kisaki
wanted to leave so they broke up."

"He scared the other guy off?" Toshiya raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. He couldn't even take a month of Shinya glaring at him and other
such nonsense."

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. He's being childish really, but he's coping well enough and I
would replace him except he is our drummer and I don't think we could
find anyone as good."

Toshiya sighed and ran his fingers through his long hair.

"Well, we will see how he fares against Toshiya, the bassist from
Hell!"

Kaoru laughed softly.

"Let's see how you fare against the drummer from heartbreak, Shinya. Be
careful Toshiya. Shinya is very hurt. He has always been rather delicate
emotionally and there are three other people in this group who would
hate to see anything bad happen to him."

Toshiya blinked. Was Kaoru threatening him?

"Listen Kaoru. If you think I would do anything to hurt him then you're
wrong."

Kaoru smiled cheerfully.

"Of course I don't think so. I'm just telling you that we care for
Shinya very much."

"Of course." Toshiya smiled uneasily. Kyo suddenly popped his head out
the door.

"Hey are we going to practice anytime soon or play secrets in the
hallway?"

"We're coming. Don't jump out of your platforms Kyo." Kyo stuck out his
tongue and receded back into the studio.

***

Toshiya exhaled loudly as he relaxed in the bath. He was tired but
pleasantly so. Dir en grey wore him out in a way that made him feel good
about himself. He felt he was really accomplishing something now, taking
great strides forward. The music was good and he was getting on very
well with all his new band mates.

Okay, almost everyone. After a month of rehearsals almost everyday,
Toshiya became fast friends with Kaoru, Die and Kyo. They often spent
time together outside of practice. They even went out drinking a few
times. But Shinya was still as cold as a block of ice in January.

At least he's stopped staring holes in my head. It was true Shinya had
stopped spending entire sessions glaring at him but whenever Toshiya
would try to talk to him about anything he would turn away and ignore
him.

He wasn't sure what was worse. Being hated or being ignored. He had
tried talking to Kaoru about it, Kaoru had only shrugged and smiled.
'What could he do?'

Toshiya stood up and stepped out of the bath. He grabbed a towel and
dried his body quickly. Then he grabbed a second towel, flipped his head
upside down, wrapped his hair deftly, and twisted it into place on top
of his head as he stood up again.

He had a sudden thought as he pulled on his pyjamas. He grabbed his
mobile phone off his vanity and flopped on his bed.

"Moshi-moshi."

"Moshi-moshi. Kaoru?"

"Yes? Who is this?"

"Toshiya."

"Oh hey, Toshiya. I guess I didn't recognize your voice right away."
Toshiya could hear deep giggling in the background.

"Ne, Kaoru where are you?"

"Out drinking with Kyo. Is that why you called me Toshiya?" Kaoru
laughed. "To check and see where I was?"

"No not at all. It's just that I heard laughter and, well never mind. I
have an important question for you."

"Okay, what is it?"

"Where does Shinya live?"

"Osaka."

"I know that. I want to know his address."

"I don't know." Toshiya was silent. How could he not know?

"How could you not know?"

"I dunno. It's Shinya. I only know his mobile number. Maybe I could."
Kaoru was cut off suddenly and Kyo's voice floated over the phone.

"Hi Toshiya!" He sounded on the verge of being very drunk. "You are
being very naughty! Distracting Kaoru from his drink." There was a soft
thumping sound and rustling followed by Kaoru's voice. He sounded far
away.

"Kyo get off! Sorry Toshiya, Kyo is a little drunk." There was a soft
kissing noise very close to the receiver and another sound of scuffling.
"Hey Toshiya can I call you back later? I'm going to take Kyo home now."

"Yeah, okay. I'll talk to you later." Toshiya pushed the 'end' button
on his phone. He set it on his beside table, crawled under his covers
and turned out the light. It was early but he was sleepy. I'll just lay
here until Kaoru calls me back.