Final Destination, twas the name. Starring the gay guy of Dawsons Creek, "Stiffler" from "American Pie", a bunch of dull unkown actors and the good looking girl who doesn't die from "house on haunted hill". Talking of which these films have some similarities. It is quite clear in both that before the film ends, upright people are going to be pretty thin on the ground.
All the little high school kids, ie: 20 something actors/actresses, are boarding a plane to go to France (first mistake, come to England the beer's better) for a school trip. When the main character has a premonition that the plane is going to blow up. He duly kicks up a fuss and is escorted of the plane along with some others who become embroiled in the ensuing fisticuffs. they sit in the airport lounge whilst the plane dutifully blows out of the sky.
After the memorial service, the people who got off the plane fall victim to the most bizarre sequences of events you will see this side of mouse trap. Suffice to say they die. The obvious conclusion of course, is that they were meant to die on the plane, it was their time and so now they are being killed off in the order the should have fried. So the lead guy runs around trying to save everybody with varied success. In the process of which leaves his fingerprints on a steak knife in his teachers chest and his footprints in her congealed blood, this leads the authorities to get more than a little suspicious. It all trundles along in this vein. He saves the girl etc. The FBI are forgotten despite the overwhelming evidence. They go out to Paris for the trip they should have had 6 months previously. And what do you know it all starts to happen again. This is another film guilty of tagging an extra 10 minutes on the end. Just to piss me off. Not a good film, but a bit of fun none the less.
5/10

Or today. doesn't really make sense in reverse order does it?

Can't be bothered today

I was watching the Jerry Springer show today and i am a bit concerned about how far it has fallen. I mean it was never good but i have always considered it as *quality* TV ie: i watch it when i have nothing better to do (an unhealthily large percentage of the time). It's always been a bit outrageous, but Jerry always held it together well. Now it's just gone mental and Jerrry is just posing and taking the piss.

"Ok randy why are you here today."
"Well Jerry I'm here today to tell my Dad that for the past 6 months i have been skipping school to work as a pimp for my inbred half-sister dawn. Who is also, i am happy to say, my lover."
"Ok. Lets bring him out bring him out"
*applause"
"Dad, now you know that I love you. but i have to tell you something. For the past 6 months I've been sleeping with my sister and I'm her pimp."
"What the **** you piece of **** i brought you up different than that you *** licking **** ******* piece of ****."
"**** you"
*peeeeete*
*Jerrrrrry Jerrrry*

The formula has got a bit stale. It's not fun anymore. Now if they let them fight, and gave them weapons. Not guns maybe knives. No baseball bats, bats would be good. Bats with nails in. Jerry can have a gun. That would be good. Kill two birds with one stone. Ratings would be up stupid americans would be dying. what more can you ask for. Eventually this would get a bit tiresome however. Then we can give them more offensive weapons, Jerry would be getting on a bit by then so his brain would have to be implanted into a super robot. Robotalkshowhost. And his arch nemesis the evil Oprah209 and her bloated hench woman Rikki "who ate all the pies" Lake. Now that's entertainment. Oh and you can be a millionaire. gotta to move with the times.

Gone today, here tommorow

There's nothing of interest in the news today. Sorry i shall re-phrase. There is nothing in the news that i can be bothered to write about. So to keep you all amused I thought we'd discuss what my stars have in store for me today. Is everybody sitting comfortabley? Good. Then i'll begin.

"Sometimes when you purchase a build it yourself piece of furniture, the package is poorly put together. You spend ages trying to join up the screw hole B and widget Z, only to find that some parts are missing or the instruction manual is in Swahili (not a problem if you speak fluent Swahili, an oversight i feel). That's aggravating. That's exasperating. That's absolutely the kind of scenario you now face. Maybe you have misunderstood something. Maybe you need to try another tack. But i'f you persevere with the components you now have, you will make something marvellous."

Well. all a bit complex than the average astrological interpreter. But the same jist. I suppose it must get quite difficult to make it sound origional day after day. You have to admire the creativity of these guys. I would love to believe in all this kind off stuff. It would be a lot easier if i could just sit back and let life take it's course knowing that my destiny is set in the stars. Unfortunately it just doesn't work. I am reminded of a quote from a film which shall remain unnamed so as not to detract from the statement: "There is no fate but that which we make for ourselves."

In case you were wondering i am a cancer. This means i am kind, caring, vulnerable and very emotional. All true, of course. I may not believe in it but it cheers me up. Which is of course the whole point: to make people feel better about themselves

The thing that irritated me today was this one story about an english woman who, whilst on holiday in cuba with friends, was caught, along with her friends, in possesion of 15 kilos of cocaine. Quite a habit you got there. for this she has been imprisoned. apparantly trying to move 15 kilos of cocaine across the border to sell it classifies drug smuggling in the eyes of the local authorities. kerazy clowns. now because she is english and abroad she is obviously innocent and has been wrongly accused and should be released immediately from the evil regime that has so wrongly imprisoned her. her mother has tony "i like it up my bum" blair on the case. he has recently helped secure the release of the following britons abroad. Those two nurses who killed one of their colleagues and another girl (it's always the bloody women) who was caught in moscow airport with a suitcase containing half a million pounds worth of cocaine. are you mental. These people are criminals. here we lock them up. generally the argument i'm innocent look my mum says so and she wrote a letter, doesn't hold much ground. Morons.

I am in a particularly foul mood today and I can't really be bothered to write this but lets see where it goes anyway. The best headline today by far was: "armchair kills boy." For some reason this made me laugh, perhaps I am sick. Another one:"Anne backs GM food" aha something for me to gripe about, two things in fact. Princess Anne has apparently backed GM food, in direct conflict with her brother, Prince Charles's, view on GM food. Excellent, nothing better than a feud in the royal family to cheer me up. Wouldn't you love to see them fight it out. "in the blue corner weighing in at 120 pounds big ears himself his royal highness or whatever the fuck it is Prince Charles and in the red corner weighing in at 200 pounds horse face I'm not really that important anyway princess Anne. and PC is out of his corner first, wow! he clothesline's PA, she's down like a sack of bricks, of the top rope but whoa he's missed now it's PA with the vertical suplex but what's this it's triple H!!!!! he's clotheslined PA while the referee inexplicably had his back turned!!!! But wait here comes the rock!!! He's rock bottomed triple H and Prince Charles. This is all over Princess Anne gets the three count on Prince Charles. She is the new WWF champion. But what's happening now?! It's Cane!!! He's beating Princess Anne to death with the belt!!!!!!! It's not over yet though here comes Stone cold Steve Austin!!!!!!".......Ad Infinatum

Not today

god, it's only the second day and already I can't be arsed to update this page. It's not like I have anything better to do mind you. It's just that right now the idea of sliding into a vegetative state in my armchair in front of some *quality* television sounds really appealing.

The radio journos are going to get it today. I was on my way into town with the firm idea of getting a job (more on this later) when over the airwaves came "newsbeat" bringing us the story of how people were trying to prevent mike Tyson from boxing in Scotland. a bit of background for those of you who don't know about this story. In 3 weeks mike Tyson is due to fight some 3 foot blind malnourished dwarf in Scotland in a desperate bid to earn a bit more money. The problem, as we all know is that mike Tyson has a rape conviction. The argument put across was that if mike Tyson was allowed to fight in Scotland then young boxing fans would get the idea that rape was not a serious matter. Excuse me. What kind of fucking idiots do you take us for. lets see the connection they are trying to get here. Boxing match - kids turning into rapists?

The older generation are always going on about god/bad role models etc. etc. and I suppose it is true in a way that kids will try emulate their heroes. However this is generally limited to style and other assorted paraphernalia, there is a limit. I like nirvana, but I have never thought: hey you know what would be cool, I'll develop a crippling heroin addiction fuck some evil wench, get her pregnant and give the child a ridiculous name, then remove the top of my head with a 12 gauge. No. you know why. because I am not American.

Pinch and a punch for the first of the month. Today I am happy bunny. well happier than usual. Why you ask. What, oh you don't care. Tough I'm going to tell you anyway. England actually managed to win a game. Hoorah. England 2 Ukraine 0. Just in case you have no idea what I am talking about it was a football match (yes Americans, football not soccer. We were here first) to warm up for Euro 2000. At which we will no doubt get hammered but you can't ask for everything.

Two of the Front Page headlines today: "My 4-year love affair with my preacher father", "Has Michelle Become a fading superstar?". Right. I can't be bothered to read the first article, sounds like it's straight out of Jerry Springer anyway. The other article made the front page because Michelle Pfeiffer "Hollywood superstar" drops her kids of to school wearing "ill fitting check trousers" as opposed to the normal attire of ridiculous designer ball gown and no bra. Obviously that is a far more important story than famine in Ethiopia, killing in sierra Leone and whatever the fuck is going on in the middle east right now. That's enough for now. till tomorrow then when hopefully it will be a bit more interesting.

Oh and in case you were wondering, the woman who slept with her father did it to have power over her mother. mom let me borrow the car or I'll shag dad. Nice.