Simpsons Drinking Quotes

Ah that's just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk.

Barney Gumbal

I take a whiskey drink

I take a chocolate drink

and when I have to pee

I use the kitchen sink

Homer Simpson

Money gets ya one more round.

Drink it down, ya stupid clown.

Money gets you one more round then you're out on your ass.

Moe Szyslak

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.

Homer Simpson

Bartender, a bottle of bourbon. I just got a new liver and I’m breaking it in.

Colonel Antoine O'Hara (the Rich Texan)

Homer no function beer good without

Homer Simpson

This is kidnapping! People are gonna know I'm missing. There is a liquor store I go to every morning.

Richard Dean Anderson

Jeez, is that what I look like when I'm drunk?

Barney Gumbal

I do have a warm sense of well-being, and I sheem to be slurring my speech.

Homer Simpson

This is the stage we call, "Professor Barney" -- talkative, coherent, even insightful. Here's drunk Barney!

Homer Simpson (describing the stages of Barney's drunkeness)

I'm going on a bender to end all benders.

Krusty the Clown

He knows just how I like my martini - full of alcohol.

Homer Simpson

Duffman could use an eye-opener

Duffman

It's 1 AM (sigh). Time to spend some quality time with the kids.

Homer Simpson

We must have really painted the town last night. I have a pounding headache, my mouth tastes like vomit, and I don't remember a thing.

Ned Flanders

When I was seventeen

I drank some very good beer.

I drank some very good beer

I purchased with a fake ID.

My name was Brian McGee.

I stayed up listening to Queen.

When I was seventeen.

Homer Simpson

I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case and the other case - we only got one case left.

Barney Gumbal

I used to rock 'n roll all night and party everyday. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can find half an hour a week in which to get funky.

Homer Simpson

My name is Otto. I like to get blotto.

Otto

Your honor, I'd like to represent myself. Drunken hicks of the jury...........

Homer Simpson

Smithers, this beer isn't working, I don't feel any younger or funkier.

Mr. Burns

Marge send the kids to the neighbors. I'm coming home loaded.

Homer Simpson

A-hem. Further to these beer I would like two of your finest cheapest cigars.

Kearny

Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

Homer Simpson

Acohol and nightswimming. It's a winning combination.

Lenny

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems.

Homer Simpson

Not an election. Is that one of those deals where they close the bars?

Barney Gumbal

I'd rather have a beer

Than win 'Father of the Year'

Homer Simpson

Stop wallowing in self-pity. Now pull yourself together and come get drunk with us.

Karl

I like to think that I am a patient, tolerant woman, and that there was no line you could cross that would make me stop loving you. But last night, you didn't just cross that line, you threw up on it!

Marge Simpson

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose. It's how drunk you get.

Homer Simpson

Welcome to the sacred order of the Stonecutters who since ancient times have split the rocks of ignorance which obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now let's all get drunk and play ping pong!

Number One

Toke as necessary. Warning: Objects may appear more edible than they really are.

Homer Simpson

Fruit rollups for Bart. Beer rollups for Homer.

Marge Simpson

Beer! How did you know?

Homer Simpson

Buy me a beer, two bucks a glass.

Come on, help me, I'm freezing my ass.

Buy me brandy, a snifter of wine.

Who am I kidding? I'll drink turpentine.

Barney Gumbal

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

Homer Simpson

Homer, go easy on the alcohol. Remember last year at the Winfield's party when you threw up in the laundry hamper?

Marge Simpson

You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism.

Mayor Quimby

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson

Thinking ain't drinking

Moe Szyslak

Who do I have to gum to get a refill?

Agnus Skinner

The college road trip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem.

Homer Simpson

All right, Homey, you're overstimulated. As soon as we get you home, we'll get some beer into you, and then it's straight to bed.

Marge Simpson

You must love this country more than I love a cold beer on a hot Christmas morning.

Homer Simpson

I'm so drunk I can barely see, But it helps me get through another day,

My stomach is filled with haggis and ham, I've gotta go puke in some hay.

Groundskeeper Willie

Alcohol is my way of life, and I aim to keep it.

Homer Simpson

Ok, you have 6 liters of Blood and your blood is 80% Alcohol; how much alcohol do you have?

Duffman

Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.

Homer Simpson

Ok, class, today we'll be sitting quietly with the lights off, because teacher has a hangover.

Edna Krabappel

Ah beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel if you will.

Homer Simpson

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