Mailbag

Right, I dunno where to start. Binge drinking every other weekend but some highlights;

1. Claiming I am the muff from Mcduff.

2. NOT ME, my, best friend falling off a chair into a cardboard box full of beer bottles splitting her pants and slicing her arse cheek open.

3. Pretending I am Dr. Phil and giving everyone relationship advice.

4. Trying to do a Bollywood dance after a full bottle of Cougar Xcess by myself.

5. Dirty dancing so low on the floor to the song 'get low' I split white pants open from front to back.

6. Pretending I owned a $200,000 Mercedes when I had no license and these stupid guys believed me.

7. Walking home taking a 'shortcut' over someone's back fence pushing their trampoline against another fence, jumping over that one into a cactus tree, didn’t feel it coz drank a cask of wine, pushed their bins against another fence and finally ended up on a street! What is usually a 40 minute walk took exactly 3 hours. Arrived home at 6.30 am.

8. KFC and the munchies. Walked in pissed as a maggot thought the chair was behind me it was actually about a meter away, went to flop into it and flopped into the floor. Hello old jock guys from school too laughing at me.

9. Started hugging and kissing this girl because I thought I fell asleep on my boyfriend in the taxi. Now this one was bad coz she actually did it back!

10. Quit drinking now I am 22 and responsible I AM never drinking again. Made a dick of myself too many times.

Anonymous

Reply: You sound like a great drinker. Sorry to lose you. I hope to be mature some day too.

W.P.

Try the AA (Alcoholics Annonymous)!!!!

Anonymous

Reply: That's a great idea. I bet they got some great drinking stories there. Thanks for the tip.

W.P.

First time visiting your site.I found a lot of the stories very goddamn readable.Then I figured this must be Canadian (I am a dual U.S. Canada drunk). Only Canadians use the term "loaded" so often. Not only that it's just they way booze is easliy intregated to everyday life - or maybe I'm an alcoholic.

Former Maritimer

Reply: Wow - you're good. I AM a Canadian, booze IS integrated into my everyday life AND I'm also a Maritimer (Atlantic Canadian to be precise, there is a difference). You should be working at the UN.

W.P.

This is what happens when you buy Flash7 and you build a website - Drunk!
http://members.toast.net/richardweed/index.htm

Richard Weed

Reply: Seems like there was more than beer involved in making that flash screen - I'm only saying.

W.P.

u got the best website EVA its absoloutly fabulous lol ya gotta keep adding to this

SAM

Reply: Ok then. But it'll mean I have to drink, get drunk and make an ass of myself again and again. If that what it takes to keep adding to this site, I'll have to do it.

W.P.

Dude, I gotta tell you ... this isn't the first time I've seen your site and you (and your friends') quotes are fucking HYSTERICAL!!! just throught I'd throw that out there into this infinite cyber universe we call the internet. Keep on keepin' on!

Carrie

Reply: ...and those are just the ones I remember. I'm sure there's a few gems that will never be recalled.

W.P.

Blueberry wine all over the place! Priceless. Reminds me of my earlier brewing/drinking days! I once broke a mercury thermometer in a pail of homemede ale I was hiding in a trunk in my room - had to throw it out. lol

Bob

Reply: That's rough. If you wasted toilet cleaner or motor oil in it you could probably still drink it. But with mercury you'd be taking too much of a chance.

W.P.

I knew I had probably had too much when I woke up and I was driving 90 down the highway clutching a Batman squirt bottle full of Grey Goose.

Anonymous

Reply: The best thing to do in that situation is go back to sleep and hope you wake up home in bed.

W.P.

This is a phat site au I think you're da shit aye drinkin is the bling thing nigga :) You're awesome and you fucken must be hot.

bling

Reply: Did you just call me a nigga! You don't know anything about what my people have been through. Wait now; I'm white, upper class, fell backwards into a good job and drink my ass off every chance I get. I haven't been through shit. BTW, I am hot.

W.P.

Fuck this site is great. You're awesome :)

rachel

Reply: You know - I am awsome. Thanks.

W.P.

Hey buddy! I'm drinking at the moment and your site made me and my boyfriend laugh our asses off! And we still can't find them.

Brittany & Nick

Reply: That must be what happened to my ex-girlfriend. She had no ass either.

W.P.

Your site is so hilarious. I love it!!! You are the coolest guy ever!! And all you people out there that don't drink, go out a get a real life!

Olivia

Reply: I'm not just cool. I'm good looking, smart, muscular and very modest

W.P.

Being Diabetic I have to watch my calories, I've invented a new drink that I can enjoy with out ruining my blood sugar count- the Missouri Champange

3/4 Oz Everclear (190 proof grain) in the bottom of an 8 OZ goblet, fill with artificaly sweetened flavored sparkeling water, and drink to your hearts content 0 calories, 0 carbs and it don't leave a bad hangover (I kill about 4 OZ of grain every night that way)

Bottoms up!

R.S. Ruse (Pappy)

Reply: And to think, there's people out there wasting their live trying to find cures for cancer and heart disease. You're on the cutting edge. You, sir, are a true pioneer.

W.P.

I fucked my best friend's fiance one night when we were both wasted and then I fucked her the next day sober and they still got married.

Justin

Reply: Sounds like you already gave the bride her wedding gift.

W.P.

Take life with a dash of salt, a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.

Anonymous

Reply: Don't forget a case of beer, a bottle of whiskey and big ol' draw

W.P.

hellooo swa2n imiss u so much more ilove u dont 4 get this ok like u hony

soso soso

Reply: You sound like you're drunk! Quick, where do you live?

W.P.

1. PEOPLE WHO VISIT YOUR SITE AND RAG ON IT NEED A LIFE.

2. I THINK IT'S AN AWSOME SITE

3. WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE, GIVE ME A SECOND, AHA ANOTHER BEER WAITRESS!

BIG T

Reply: Thanks for the support. There's just a few bad drinkers ruining it for everybody. Just because my brother puked on the dinner table last year doesn't mean I should have to quit drinking.

W.P.

1 dafa ka zikar hai key menn shrab pi key 1 bachi ko chod raha tha key us ka aba a gia us ney mujhey dekha or menn ney usey or phir na pucho k kia hua

Anonymous

Reply: ido n'tk noww ha thef ucky ou'r esa yin g

W.P.

This site is dumb and dosen't even help people that's been drinking and stuff. It can kill you and I don't know who you are but you're dumb by saying this stuff.

barbara

Reply: Sounds like somebody needs a good stiff one - and I don't just mean a drink.

W.P.

hiya i live your website its so funny n stuff, cus like da quotes r like totally true, i luv getin drunk cus its fun n u only have 1 life 2 live so live it 2 da full!!!

Olivia H

Reply: I don't know much about you Olivia except your first name and last initial and that you're not a good speller - but you sound like my kinda girl.

W.P.

Wow this site is weird and it isn't even fucking stories about drinking n shit so, yeah, u need 2 get rid of it

Kristin

Reply: We all owe people like Kristin a debt of gratitude for patrolling the internet trying to get rid of weird sites.

W.P.

I got wasted at a county fair and tried to ride a miniature pony and some donkeys..and I've got a lot of other stories, best thing is..I'm 15!

Harvat

Reply: It just goes to show - you can lead a horse to water but not if you've been drinking.

W.P.

I'd say you need to do something different with your life! This site is really gay, sounds like something my grandparents would talk about.

Curt

Reply: Does that mean your grandparents are gay??? How's that working out?

W.P.

I Drank A Case A Half [In A Single Afternoon] for A Year Straight

Happy Beer

Reply: Let's see, you get 10¢ for returning an empty...that works out to $1.80 a day or $657 a year. So by doing that much drinking you saved up $657. You are a very shrewd investor. Although if you had to drink 2 cases a day you would have saved $876.

W.P.

I got fined for pissing in a bush once when I was hammered

friends wid de coppa now

Reply: What kind of world do we live in where a decent law-abiding citizen can't take a simple whiz in a bush without being hassled by the authorities!

W.P.

If you want some real drinking stories then come to England. If you last more than 2 hours I will be soooo suprised I will pay for all your drinks!!!

Anonymous

Reply: 2 hours! In 2 hours I could drink you under the table, knock up your sister and be on my way back home.

W.P.

Dude, I totally suck at Chess. Truth is, I can't even play chess!! But when I get drunk, I win every time!! Vodka does wonders!!!

Jen

Reply: And they say beer kills brains cells. It just proves that.......what were we talking about?

W.P.

Inspiring website! Makes we want to go out and get a 24-pack and a pizza right now.

Pablo

Reply: A 24-pack and a pizza - I suppose we all need to take it easy every now and then.

W.P.

I studied hard and have spent years perfecting the art of Drunkinese. I knew the day would come when I would find my holy grail. I always hoped it would be full of beer.

Damo

Reply: Ahhh, young grasshopper. So you think you have mastered the ancient art of Drunkinese. Can you snatch the beer bottle from my hand?

W.P.

Your site....is a bad influence to kids lyke me.

This site hater

Reply: If you think my site is a bad influence, you probably shouldn't go searching the internet any further.

W.P.

hey im sooooooooooooo pisde wroiet now ur site is kolll!! kepp on dgettin pised! ur kol! willl u marry me?

alexzm

Reply: Tanks forthe complemint and theoffer. But I don't tink weshould marry. We're to totally difrant peopl with nutting in common. If you needs that rite now then peraps we should see utter peopl. We could steal be frnds, good frnds.

W.P.

See when I drink I stay in my house so I don't get caught drunk and not getting hurt because I do have a life.

Nichole

Reply: I know a couple of other people like that - my grandparents.

W.P.

Hey how come girls never check ME out?? Guess I must be ugly. And they are all bitches. And superficial. Even though they claim they're not.

Anonymous

Reply: I was like you once; shy, self-conscious, a loser. Then I discovered beer and before you know it I had a whole new personality; outgoing, sociable, not worried about my appearance. I still wasn't getting laid but I was having more fun.

W.P.

Hi, my name is Bob. I'm an alcoholic. I`ve stayed sober for 3 weeks now, I`ve saved a lot of money not spending all my wages on drink. I`m 3 hundred euros better off and I lost half a stone going to the gym. I`m going out tonight to celebrate.....

Bob

Reply: Hmmm, somebody who dosen't drink and who has a lot of money is going out on the town to celebrate. Need somebody to tag along?

W.P.

A pint of John Fisters, my mate ordered, after trying to purchase a Fosters and John Smiths.

Yves

Reply: It's a good thing he wasn't trying to order a kickstand and a couple of high balls.

W.P.

When does the 24 hour garage shut?

Jan

Reply: Not long after you take off your 18-hour bra.

W.P.

My name is Raaaalllph! I sell Buuuuuicks!

Anonymous

Reply: Well so long as you don't ralph up in the buicks you can continue to sell them.

W.P.

I was very intoxicated at a friend's Bachelor party. I ended up pissing in my mother's closet!!!

B. Thistle

Reply: I did the exact same thing. Could there be a more embarassing place to piss when you're drunk than in front of your mother and on her clothes. Why couldn't I have staggered downstairs and pissed in the tool room instead.

W.P.

You are gay dude.

Mark

Reply: Uhhhhhhhh, Mark called me gay. Listen Markie, turn off the computer and go back and finish your homework before your mommy cathes you. Maybe if you're a good little boy you can stay up late and watch TV.

W.P.

I'm not sure why I woke up with a condom up my arse.

Marcus

Reply: This problem really goes beyond my abilites as a drinker. If this is a common occurence my advice, and I don't say this often, would be to quit drinking.

W.P.

Your site sux, your stories suck, u probally live in bumble fuck ohio, and don't know how to party. Come to new york, I'll drink you to the table...Pussy!!!!!!!!!!!!

Augey

Reply: Augey?!? Your name is Augey? What part of New York, exactly, would I end up in with somebody named Augey? Mabye next time you can include your email address - maybe it's you who are the pussy.

W.P.

What is the best way for me to loose my teeth?

Tommy

Reply: Do you mean false teeth? A good way to lose them would be puking over the back of the Queen Mary in the middle of the Atlantic in the middle of a hurricane. You ain't getting them back.

W.P.

I got so drunk I pissed on every one of my mom's garden gnomes. She caught me and I now live 5 miles away.

Anonymous

Reply: I think that's you your mom's fault. She shouldn't have put a garden gnome in the kitchen sick.

W.P.

People like you who think drinking is cool or funny should be locked up and the key thrown away. I never drank in my life and I have just as much fun as anybody else when I go out.

Anonymous

Reply: Congratulations! You are the one-millionth visitor to my site. As such you get a lifetime supply of beer, a tour of the Guinness plant and a free subscription to "Drunk Weekly".

W.P.

I absolutely love your site. A bunch of lads from work came over to my desk to see what I was laughing at and soon I had about half a dozen people reading over my shoulder.

Rob

Reply: Sounds like you have an excellant place to work. I surf the net for 3 or 4 hours a day and my manager freaks out.

W.P.

Your stories are lame. I have wilder drinking stories than you and I'm an 18 year old college chick who gets straight A's.

Chellie

Reply: Wow; young, smart, sassy and a slut. If you've got big tits and a lot of money you might be the perfect girl.

W.P.

I was pissed out my head and just lost my girlfriend to another lad and I started to fight with a lampost I ended up breaking three fingers.

Dick Face

Reply: Depending on what three fingers you broke you may have a hard time getting another girlfriend.

W.P.

What a crappy site. I have had more exciting nights on the piss with my mother.

Anonymous

Reply: Well the next time you and your mother have an exciting night out feel free to send me the story.

W.P.

Your site is the greatest thing since sliced bread

Anonymous

Reply: Actually I meant to create a "Funny Sliced Bread Stories" site but how often does somebody have a few sandwiches, puke on their girlfriend and spend the night in the lockup? The possibilities would soon be exhausted.

W.P.

I think you have a drinking problem and I don't think you're very bright.

Anonymous

Reply: I may have a drinking problem and I may not be very bright but - what was that last thing you said.

W.P.

I can't believe you print stories about drinking and driving. I had a cousin who was hospitialized by a drunk driver.

Anonymous

Reply: Not to be unkind - but why then were you reading stories about DRINKING AND DRIVING.

W.P.

I loved your site. All hail the king of beer.

Signed Jen

Reply: Better re-phrase that. I don't want those Budwiser people on my ass.

W.P.

I think your site sucks ass.

Anonymous

Reply: I'm not sure if that's English for 'I didn't care for your site' or jive for 'Your site is great'. I'll assume it's jive - thanks for the compliment.

W.P.

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