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One Christmas Eve I'd finished work and went straight to the pub for a few shots of something to warm me up. In there was one of my friends who'd arrived back from his works' Christmas party and he was absolutely wasted. He lay down across the seats and fell asleep, wet himself and about half an hour later he disappeared to the bathroom.
I was in the pool room having a game when he returned - naked and seemingly under the impression that he was at home because he walked across to the bench seats and attempted to pull the corner of the sheets of his bed up to get in. After a couple of attempts he gave up and curled up on the seats and nodded off. Soon after the landlord of the pub came in with his camera and started to take pictures of him with assorted Christmas decorations placed strategically over his naked body.
The landlord said that a photo of him with a beermat stuck between the cheeks of his ass would make a mighty fine picture and proceeded to slide one into his crack. As he pushed my friend let rip with an enormous fart closely followed by a very runny turd, which launched itself all over the landlord's fingers making him drop and damage his camera.
When someone went to the bathroom, all the guy's clothes were folded neatly and placed on the windowsill along with his shoes, jewelry and over £100 in cash.
Signed Basscone
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