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Lois, I'm not drunk. I'm just exhausted from a long night of drinking.
Peter Griffin
Hey, who wants to play "drink the beer"?
Glen Quagmire
I'm not drunk, all right. I just have a speech impediment ...(vomits) and a stomach virus ...(falls off stool) and an inner ear infection.
Brian Griffin
The lesson here is that abusing alcohol has absolutely no negative consequences. You have your trophy and my brain cells are just fine.
Peter Griffin
Hey man, your clock won't flush.
Charlie: (taking a pee in a grandfather clock)
Most of the time, the kids play out in the field, but if its raining or I'm hungover, they stay inside and play dodgeball.
James Woods High gym teacher
That's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk.
Peter Griffin
Oh, Lois thank God it's you! The last few houses I went to were very rude.
Peter Griffin
Pawtucket Patriot Beer. If you buy it, hot women will have sex in your backyard.
TV Commercial
"Petro Namo Slappywag" - That's Petorian for more beer you slappywag.
Peter Griffin
Here's to The Drunken Clam, boys, where they don't ask for proof of age and neither do I!
Glen Quagmire
Ahh! AHHH! Massage the scalp! You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off of your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk!
Stewie Griffin (to Lois)
C'mon, let's go drink 'til we can't feel feelings anymore.
Peter Griffin
Hey, barkeep, whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?
Brian
What? This is actually making you look attractive.
Tom Tucker (To Dianne Simmons when he started to drink beer on air)
All right, all right, but you owe me. Later, under the mistletoe, open mouth, no matter how drunk I am.
Peter Griffin
Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they've been that way ever since they came over to this country from France.
Peter Griffin
Oh my God, we're gonna die! There's so much of life I haven't experienced. I never even got the chance to be some drunk college guy's last resort.
Meg Griffin
I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.
Peter Griffin
Hey Peter, you can't drink that outside. You could end up in jail! And not the good jail, like on Cinemax, The MAN jail.
Glen Quagmire
Take a drink and you'll sink to a state of pure inebriation.
You'll be tanked like the whole Irish natiooon.
when you drink enough of my beer, you will find this magic ruuuule.
Make your every joke a jewel, you'll drive drunker than Ox-a-na Bai-ul.
Go on buds, drink my suds, til' you reach that pure inebriation,
Though the beer may be free your just ren-ting it from meeeee
Pawtucket Pat song
Whoa! Is that really the blood of Christ? ... Man, that guy must’ve been wasted 24/7
Peter Griffin (Drinking Communion wine)
We're heading down to The Drunken Clam for a couple of beers, and I'm gonna shake the lady tree and see what falls out
Glen Quagmire
Beer that never goes flat. Do you know what that means, Brian? This beer will still be carbonated long after you die of old age and we buy another dog to help the kids
Peter Griffin
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