Dreams

Katie, 17/Nov/94 I was going to some end of year party at Monash and it seemed like the entire uni was there, but I'm not sure if it was at Monash. A girl came towards me who looked a lot like Katie, but she was slightly different. Her eyes had changed and her skin was darker - Katie has a very white, freckled skin. I said hello, but she barely acknowledged me. Then I stood in a queue, waiting to get into this party, thinking that was probably the last I'll see her - if it was her. Then I turned around, and to my surprise saw Katie - the real Katie - standing beside me and looking as though she wondered when I would notice her. We talked, and she seemed friendly enough. Then we went in the entrance. It was a kind of craft market-cum-garden party inside, and Katie and I first went to a stall, where an Italian woman started saying something to me in Italian. I caught some words, but couldn't quite grasp what she was saying. I assumed she was just welcoming me to the party. Then she spoke to Katie, who completely understood her. The woman opened a binder she had to show to Katie, who chose one of the objects in the binder (which was what I was supposed to do). The objects were stick-on pictures or buttons, I'm not sure. I immediately felt Katie's disdain or contempt for me for not understanding the Italian woman (perhaps I projected that feeling onto her, in my embarrassment). The woman kept on showing me things after that, and Katie and I were kind of stuck there at her stall for a while. It occured to me that Katie and I were the only ones there from our Spanish class, or perhaps we just needed to go looking for the others elsewhere. I knew as soon as she found her friends, Katie would be off without me. But it wasn't to be. We were together and would remain together for the rest of the day. I had such an intense feeling of reality then - like I was awake and not dreaming at all. I really thought this was happening. The thought came that I should enjoy this while it lasts, because I won't see Katie again after this. I just accepted the situation and enjoyed Katie's company, even though I felt she probably wanted to be with someone else. At the same time, I felt sad. The scene changed then, and we were walking along Sheldon Avenue in Mooroolbark, going towards Bridges Avenue. Katie began to run ahead of me. I felt she was moving ahead of me, but she was being playful about it, like it was a game; so I ran after her. It became a race to see who could win, and I began to run ahead of Katie. Then I looked back and saw Katie trailing off to the right and going into her house, which in the dream was opposite the Hines' old place. I said goodbye and walked on, feeling sad. In the end, it was like I ran away from her. I was annoyed with myself for trying to win the race. I should have stayed with her, or let her win. At least I would've been with her for that little extra time. I walked up the hill of Bridges Avenue. It was sunset, and I saw that our house looked very neat and bare. The front yard was very smooth, and inside I knew everything would be getting packed up. The letter box was even gone. Mum and dad were selling the house. Katie was gone. I felt like I was drifting. I was unutterably sad. This happened soon after I heard of mum and dad's plans to move to Moe, and also just after my Spanish course at Monash had ended. Katie was a classmate I really liked, who also lived in Mooroolbark. (See Jennifer Connelly section of Movie Stars for further reference.)