Kitty and Locutus gave me a calendar for Christmas, something called "The WORST-CASE SCENARIO: 2001 Survival Calendar" which is pretty much what it says-- a guide to help you survive fifty-two worst case scenarios. Because, as the Introduction puts it, "anything could happen, at any time." (Ooooh.) 

You're supposed to read and (one hopes) absorb survival tips for one scenario a week, which is pretty convenient for those of us verging on slothdom. Anyway, this week's happy topic is "How to Survive a Hostage Situation" and it's pretty much what you would already know if you have had the misfortune of seeing more than one Bruce Willis movie back in the 80s. You know... stay calm, do as they say, don't be a hero and that sort of thing. Common sense stuff in other words.  

Then at the end they add: "If a rescue attempt is made, remain calm... Rescue attempts often involve gunfire." 

And when I first read that this morning I just busted out laughing.