NEW YORK (Wireless Flash) – Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings will be the next targets spoofed by the Wayans brothers in the third installment of their Scary Movie series. The flick – titled Scary Movie 3: Episode 1 – Lord of the Brooms – will be in theaters late next year.

DALLAS, Texas – Many Americans don’t expect to leave home for New Year’s Eve – 85 percent to be exact, according to Blockbuster Video.

LONDON – Holy Moses! Charlton Heston says he will be visiting American troops in Afghanistan. In an interview with the BBC, the 77-year-old actor also asked Americans to stay optimistic during the war. In his own words: “Stay with it. Keep the course. We will win.”

PHNOM PENH, Cambodia – Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen wants all nightclubs and discos to close and he’s not afraid to use a tank to do so. In a radio broadcast yesterday, he said, “If we know of any karaoke parlor still open, go to close it immediately and take tanks to knock it down.”

ROME – Italy’s “gentleman bandit” died of a heart attack behind bars in a prison in Dozza, Italy, yesterday. The 62-year-old Horst Fantazzini earned his nickname from pulling nonviolent stickups across northern Italy and even sending roses to a bank teller who fainted during a robbery.

LONDON – Author J.K. Rowling says she has written the final chapter of the last Harry Potter book, and boy does it sound juicy. In an interview with the BBC that airs this Friday, she says, “I basically say what happens to everyone after they leave school, those who survive – because there are deaths, more deaths coming.”

WELLINGTON, N.Z. – A New Zealand artist has finally finished a series of “bug paintings” after spending more than 10 years driving his car with various wet canvases strapped to the front. Wellington-based artist Richard Lomas drove 8078 miles, used 100 tubes of paint and “a lot of bugs” to create 26 different smashed-bug portraits.

TOKYO – The former skipper of the USS Greenville submarine, which collided with a Japanese fishing boat in February, is telling the Japanese press that his crew did everything right until the moments of the crash. However, Commander Scott Waddle insists that the Navy made him a scapegoat in order to protect its rear end.

KYOTO, Japan – Computer thieves aren’t just stealing credit card information – They’re also stealing jobs. In fact, one Japanese college student has been arrested for illegally accessing a fellow student’s e-mail account so he could send a letter to her future employer saying she didn’t want the job.