BUCKSBURN, Scotland (Wireless Flash) – A Scottish woman had to be forcibly removed by police from a hair salon for staging a “sit-in” protest over a bad perm. Joan Smith wanted the hairdressers to fix the $81 “hair-don’t,” which she claims looked like a cross between an afro and a poodle.

HIGHLAND PARK, Mich. – Residents of Highland Park, Michigan, are getting burned about Universal Pictures’ plans to torch an abandoned home there for an upcoming movie starring Eminem. The town was the site of a horrible arson attack earlier this year and some residents feel the staged house burning might scare citizens.

COTONOU, Benin – A strange fear of penis thefts has the city of Cotonou, Benin, by the short hairs. In the last few days, ten men in the African town have been attacked for allegedly using magic to physically remove other men’s penises.

NEW YORK – Those “boot devices” that keep cars from moving are being tried on planes. A security company has created a device called the Jet- Lock that snaps onto airplane wheels so the planes can’t be stolen.

JOHANNESBURG – The American TV show Survivor: Africa has made its debut on South African television and it’s a laughing stock with viewers who know what the real savannah is like. TV critics have labeled the cast “useless,” a “bunch of screechers” and stereotypical American tourists.

LEAVENWORTH, Kan. – A Kansas nudist retreat for pagan witches is fighting to stay open after neighbors petitioned the county to not renew the retreat’s land use permit. Residents claim the clothing-optional club fostered public nudity, pedophilia, illegal drug use and devil worship.

VATICAN CITY – The Vatican will soon publish an anti-drug manual aimed at helping Roman Catholics resist drug abuse. The book will be titled The Church, drugs and addiction.

LOS ANGELES – Men will want to play with these dollies: Playboy is releasing a new line of 16-inch anatomically-correct female dolls called Playboy Playmates. The dolls are miniature versions of real Playmates, and the first doll will be modeled after Victoria Silvstedt, 1997 Playmate of the Year.

LOS ANGELES – A new piece of Elvis Presley memorabilia is making the collectors’ community shake, rattle and roll. Presley’s first- ever agency contract dated Jan. 31, 1956 and priced at $40,000, is up for sale. What makes it even more valuable is that his name was mis-spelled on the contract which was later corrected.

WELLINGTON, N.Z. – A New Zealand man was caught driving at night with his lights off for five miles on the wrong side of the road. However, his excuse WAS novel: He claimed to be an astronomer searching for a black hole. The judge fined him and suspended his license for 15 months.